Corking the Bottle

Coronavirus doesn't exist. Think positively. If there is a coronavirus, it will go away without affecting me, my family, or my friends. That's what I call "positive thinking." In reality, that's what I call hogwash. Wait. I do believe in positive thinking. But what exists in my "Pleasantville" doesn't exist in Louisville.  People get sick. Divorce happens. Domestic violence exists. The police shot and killed someone's brother, son, and maybe father downtown yesterday because he pulled a weapon on police. Bad stuff like covid-19 exists. So do rainbows and butterflies. God gets us through the bad stuff and enables us to enjoy the good stuff. He tests us in many ways. My alcoholism was a test. It wasn't God's will, but He used my addiction to make me a better person once I emerged from the darkness of the disease. Have faith in a Higher Power, and this too will pass. I opened up a book I read sometime back and came across a passage ...

The covid-19 scare is accompanied by our old nemesis, stress. I used to deal with stress by drinking. And then drinking some more. That didn't work very well for me (Understatement!). If it works for you I'm thinking that you wouldn't be reading this blog. I recently finished Sacred Rest by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith. Searching the internet for more pearls of wisdom I came across an entire clam bed. Today I want to take you to her 10 steps for dealing with stress: In our desperation to cope with stress, we often turn to unhealthy quick fixes, whether it’s binge eating, drinking or smoking.  However, there are healthy ways to lower stress levels and most of them don’t require much time, money or expertise.  Chronic stress has been linked to a variety of lifestyle diseases, including heart disease and diabetes, which is why it cannot be ignored. 1. Meditation If you can look past some of the pseudoscientific mumbo jumbo surrounding meditation, you’ll be pleasantly sur...

My friend Woody directed me to this reminder in Facebook. It applies to struggling alcoholics, quarantined pandemic victims, lonely shut-ins, and all people all the time. Don't lose sight of the wonderful gifts God gives us every day. The rest of this article is worth reading as long as you don't get sick of scrolling through the ads.   https://iheartintelligence.com/always-be-grateful-for-what-you-have-no-matter-how-hard-life-gets/?fb=iis&fbclid=IwAR3RiXRnZilGasb_DQ4mrr41fZNVciI0TkK3lBMt3AFgF53_WNooweTKCw8 ...There are people around us who love and support us unconditionally. We have a family that stands by us from the very beginning of our lives. What’s more, we have friends who will always be there for us, no matter what. All of these loving human beings around us are the greatest treasure we can ask for. They give us strength, they give us love, they give us reasons to be alive. We should be grateful for each and every one of them....

I am taking advantage of staying put so I don't participate in spreading the coronavirus, in part, by watching TV shows I've recorded. This afternoon, it's the 1935 version of A Tale of Two Cities . After being acquitted for treason, Charles Darnay dines with his defense lawyer, a drunk named Sydney Carton, and asks him why drink so much. Carton says, "You are smug, Mr Darnay, to ask why people drink, but I will tell you. So that they can stand their fellow men better. And after a few bottles, I might even like you." I can identify. I found little quarrel with others during and after drinking. Some drunks are fighters, some are lovers. I clearly was the latter. Now sober, I find God to be a much better catalyst to tolerate my fellow men. God wants us to love everyone, even those hard to love. Since I seek to do God's will, I now find it easy to care about others; maybe even "stand (my) fellow men."

I stumbled across a series of podcasts today by the McShin Recovery Foundation ( https://mcshin.org/ ), which is posting recovery meetings online. The meetings are intended to reinforce sobriety against a backdrop of coronavirus and quarantines. A good place to start is news coverage of the nonprofit's online groups ( https://www.wtvr.com/heroes-among-us/help-available-for-addicts-in-quarantine-boredom-is-a-big-trigger?fbclid=IwAR2D8wP2TXXfGo0k7XlopRDBZ1quh9FTePz5F4g1W-Og_hYMsk_FguWE4Sc ). "During coronavirus, self-quarantining may be the best defense against the pandemic. But Nellie Guzman, who battled drug and alcohol addiction for five years, said isolation can be a recipe for relapse. "'The worst thing that can happen to you is that you think you're alone when you're not,' Guzman said. 'There are still doors that are open for you.'" According to another participant, "'An idle mind is a devil's mind. Boredom is a big tr...

A week after I left a residential treatment program for addicts, I attended my niece's wedding outdoors. It was an ideal day for it. Nearby was a tent covering tables, a buffet, and a well-stocked bar. It didn't bother me. I wasn't tempted to sneak a drink, although I probably would have tried if I weren't fresh off an intensive program. I suppose you have found yourself in a similar situation if you are trying to stay sober. If not, you might wonder how strong your aversion is to the demon rum spread out before you. It's certain to happen sometime. It can go either way, depending on your resolve. Some need to avoid restaurants with bars and beer-swilling buddies. Others aren't tempted -- for now, at least.. Someone at A.A. last week compared it to going to a barbershop: If you go you will probably get a haircut. So if you want long hair, I guess you better avoid places with razors and scissors.

We all know alcoholics who have gotten well. I hope you are one. I am one. At least so far today I am. Several years ago, I spent 28 days at a residential treatment program. One of our facilitators claimed that 95% of us would return to drinking. I scoffed. Not me. But I did. Then I discovered a new way of life and a new way to see myself and my environment. Praise God for that! A.A. meetings put me in touch with other alcoholics on the road to recovery. One of those joyful travelers asked why some people get well and others don't. We decided the answer lies in a phrase from the Big Book that is part of every pre-meeting ritual: "...God could and would if He were sought." I used to think God chose me to get well because He has important things for me to do. But in reality, I chose me to recover. He does have important things for me to do, but I had to pick myself out of the gutter first. The key words from the Big Book quote are, "if He were sought." ...

Woe is me. I'm having a bad day. I was scheduled to have knee replacement surgery this week, but I was diagnosed with a staph infection on my hip. I don't know where that came from, but it means my surgery is postponed. Some days my knee isn't too bad. But on others, like today, it's hard to walk. Furthermore, I decided last week to stop going to A.A. meetings so I won't catch or pass the coronavirus. I texted my sponsor a moment ago to alert him that I don't plan to attend meetings for a while. I promised to call if I get a craving to drink. I don't expect that to happen. I haven't been tempted since my sobriety date last May. A.A. helps with that. Writing this blog helps. God helps me even more. I pray often to do His will through me. I'm fairly certain His will isn't for me to relapse. I am more-or-less homebound for now because it hurts to walk and I don't want to catch the coronavirus. I'm curious, dear readers, if yo...

ADD is a result of trauma. That's the premise of Dr. Gabor Mate. (Add a ' over the e; I don't know how on my keyboard. It's pronounced Mattay) Today I want to shepherd y'all to his Youtube piece on addiction. It's insightful and interesting. On the downside, it lasts an hour. I listened while I worked out on my exercise bike. Maybe you can simply prop up your footrest and listen. Taking your PC outdoors on a warm spring day seems appealing. However you choose you will find it worthwhile. He covers a variety of topics related to the psychology of addiction and the impacts of trauma on our lives. That's the reason for the lead sentence above. Take a listen at  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07nOScAHnXI . A wish he expressed was to have everyone who ever uses the word "addict" to instead say, "a human being who suffered so much pain that they didn't know how to escape from it except through this particular behavior. That would change...

I hesitated about going to my usual Thursday night A.A. group. I'm glad I did. I was told about online A.A. meetings. This sounded like a good alternative to being exposed to possible coronavirus carriers. Plus, next week, I am having knee replacement surgery and won't be able to dive for a month or two. Online meetings sound like a good option for someone homebound like me. Check it out.  http://aa-intergroup.org/directory.php This could be a valuable tool in your recovery process, especially during these unusual times.

Comments at the A.A. meeting I attended Thursday night got me to thinking about the coronavirus and how it might be particularly hazardous to us alcoholics. For example, I used to be an impulse drinker. Even though I was trying to stop, I could find excuses to buy another bottle. The coronavirus seems like a good excuse to people who may be like I was. "What the heck. I might get sick. I might be quarantined. I might choose on my own to stay home away from people. So I might as well stock up with whiskey and drink my way through the pandemic." My Thursday meeting was poorly attended. It might have been the storms in the area at the same time. Maybe people were staying away from others to avoid illness. What I do know is that a week ago we had more at that meeting than ever before. I hear many alcoholics say they have to go to A.A. to stay well-grounded and sober. What will happen to such people if others stop going? More likely, what if churches where some meetings a...

According to Dr. Gabor  Maté   in his book,  In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts , "The addict dreads and abhors  the present moment. They bend feverishly only toward the next time, the moment when the brain, infused with the drug of choice, will briefly experience itself as liberated...." ( https://drgabormate.com/book/in-the-realm-of-hungry-ghosts/ )  I can identify with that. I won't say I abhorred the present moment, but I sure wasn't living in it. My enemy was "now;" my hope was to somehow return to the past and start over. But that was impossible, so I tried to make my hurt go away by drinking. Clearly that just made me more miserable. The downward spiral continued until I was able to find the real me again. I'm grateful to God that the real me is much better than the old me or the drunk me. I am learning about myself and others in my new world of sobriety.

As I write this, the spread of the coronavirus is the big story around the world. For those with symptoms, here is some chicken soup -- Chicken Soup for the Soul , that is. I bought it for a couple bucks at a Goodwill store and finished reading it this morning. The last item is "100 Gifts to Give All Year Long." I will pull out a few items that I think are valuable for us alcoholics: Smile. Provide a shoulder to lean on. Pat someone on the back. Ignore a rude remark. Pay your bills on time. Give your used clothes to a needy person. Say something nice to someone. Catch someone doing it right and say, Great job!" Tell the truth, but with kindness and tact, Ask, "Does the other person really need to hear this?" (Step 9) Do a kind deed anonymously. Listen. Lighten up. Find the funny side of a situation. Take a quiet walk when you feel like blowing your top. Look for something beautiful in one person every day. Ask a friend for help, even when...

"We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not." --The Big  Book, page 58 I didn't want to go to A.A meetings or work steps or turn my will and my life over to the care of God. It must be easier to control my drinking. I didn't want to stop. I tried limiting my drinking only to weekends. That didn't work. I tried limiting my drinking only to weekdays. That didn't work either. I tried drinking only late at night after my wife went to bed. I tried drinking only in the mornings when my wife was at work so that I could sober up and not smell like vodka when she came home. Those tries weren't easier or softer. For a while I drank only on days ending with Y. I drank only when my sports teams won. That didn't work. I drank only when my sports teams lost. That didn't work, especially during Pirates baseball season when I found myself drinking almost every day. I drank only when it rained or only when it didn't. I drank...

"Faith, without works, is dead." Luke was awakened from a deep sleep by his son. "Dad, I smell smoke!" "It must be a bad dream. I don't smell anything. Go back to bed." The son couldn't go back to bed because flames and smoke filled the hall. "Dad! Wake up! The house is on fire!" he called back over his shoulder. Luke stayed in bed and prayed. "God, you know I have faith in you. I love you and you love me. Nothing can happen without your will, as long as my faith is strong. I have great hope and believe in you." The boy escaped safely outside because he took action. Luke coughed, gagged, and was consumed by flames. Moral of the story: Faith, without works, is dead. See also my blog post on March 6.

I learned online today about existential therapy. ( https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/existential-therapy ) I don't know that it's anything new, but it is a new term to add to my psychotherapeutic vocabulary. Existential therapy can be described as an emphasis on free will and self-determination, centering on the individual instead of on the symptom. The approach emphasizes one's capacity to make rational decisions. It stresses that: All people have the capacity for self-awareness; Each person has a unique identity that can be known only through relationships with others; People must continually re-create themselves because life's meaning constantly changes; Anxiety is a fact of life. Existential therapy is useful in dealing with "psychological problems" like substance abuse. The approach deals with people's inability to make choices about how to live, alleviating gunk such as anxiety, apathy, alienation, shame, addiction, d...

"What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him?...You  believe that there is one God.... But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith, without works, is dead ?" --James 2: 14, 19-20 I wanted a sandwich for lunch today. I prayed for it and, because I feel like I have a close relationship with God, I had faith he would deliver me my sandwich. But no matter how much faith I have, God is no Jimmy John's. I had to rise from my chair, find my keys and wallet, and drive to the store. I told the man at the counter what I wanted, and he gave it to me. I had faith that he would and he did. But I had to take action to get that sandwich. Yes, someone would have delivered it, but that would have taken a phone call. Again, faith, without the work, doesn't put lunch in my belly. Are you praying for sobriety? Keep praying as you walk past the liquor store. Without action -- without attending A.A. meetings, wi...

I drank to avoid my sadness and the too-rapid changes in my life. It felt good. I laughed at what used to make me cry. Drinking was fun, and I enjoyed fun. If it gave me pleasure, I concluded it would give me pleasure again. And again. And again. That's how this addict was created. I enjoyed drinking and I never wanted to stop. To stop meant discomfort and the return of the sadness I drank to avoid. I needed more and more alcohol to get that same enjoyment. Eventually, no amount brought enjoyment, just sadness all over again. Ultimately, I found God. It was He who removed my sadness. I rediscovered myself, but this was a new self. Socrates said it well: "I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again." Now I won't do it again. Socrates also said, "The more I know, the more I realize I know nothing." I wish I had been wiser before alcohol took over. In sobriety, I realize I know...

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." If there is a God, why would He allow me to drink uncontrollably? When I asked for help to stop, why was there no answer? Why did He watch my life deteriorate to the point of harmful self-medication? Where is God's love? Where is the joy and peace and serenity I supposedly had been promised? The flip response is, "Don't give up hope." Now you say, "I had hope, but disappointments and time made it all run out. Then I say, "Hope is only a word if you take no action to see A.A.'s promises come true. Don't give up. Don't ever give up." But you turn away and quit looking for God: "It's hopeless." If such frustration is your's read the Big Book, from the bottom of page 37 to page 43. I can't do those pages justice by summarizing them here, so read them if you have your doubts about a higher power. Nevertheless, ...

This post today is for Karen. If your name isn't Karen, please read it anyway. I found the following in Everybody Always by Bob Goff ( https://www.thomasnelson.com/p/everybody-always/ ) : "Trolls aren't bad people; they're just people I don't really understand.... There are plenty of people I don't understand. I suppose some are trolls and some aren't. God doesn't see people the way I do, though. The ones I see as problems, God sees as sons and daughters, made in His image. The ones I see as difficult, He sees as delightfully different. The fact is, what skews my view of people who are sometimes hard to be around is that God is working on different things in their lives than He is working on in mine."