The Easier, Softer Way Is God

"We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not."
--The Big  Book, page 58

I didn't want to go to A.A meetings or work steps or turn my will and my life over to the care of God. It must be easier to control my drinking. I didn't want to stop.

I tried limiting my drinking only to weekends. That didn't work.

I tried limiting my drinking only to weekdays. That didn't work either.

I tried drinking only late at night after my wife went to bed. I tried drinking only in the mornings when my wife was at work so that I could sober up and not smell like vodka when she came home. Those tries weren't easier or softer.

For a while I drank only on days ending with Y.

I drank only when my sports teams won. That didn't work. I drank only when my sports teams lost. That didn't work, especially during Pirates baseball season when I found myself drinking almost every day.

I drank only when it rained or only when it didn't. I drank to warm up only on cold days. All of a sudden, it was cold every day, even in the summer.

I hid liquor bottles so I could choose to drink whenever I wanted. My wife was better at sniffing out closed bottles than drug-sniffing dogs at the border. Her nose was amazing.

I had to follow the "harder, tougher way" in the Big Book. "Remember that we deal with alcohol -- cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power -- that one is God. May you find Him now."

God's help did work. Thank you, God, for turning my life around.