Corking the Bottle

There's nothing wrong with being afraid. Face fear. Find love, says Elizabeth Gilbert. https://insighttimer.com/elizabeth_gilbert_writer/guided-meditations/facing-fear-with-a-compassionate-heart?fbclid=IwAR1wiZP4cJX-uyPbBavbNCqZbFWwsqCm8pBlAdTYGvLpWspKPA08y8ZOXsw&utm_campaign=app-share&utm_medium=GuidedMeditation&_branch_match_id=774680537262589907&utm_source=Email

My friend Woody directed me to this reminder in Facebook. It applies to struggling alcoholics, quarantined pandemic victims, lonely shut-ins, and all people all the time. Don't lose sight of the wonderful gifts God gives us every day. The rest of this article is worth reading as long as you don't get sick of scrolling through the ads.   https://iheartintelligence.com/always-be-grateful-for-what-you-have-no-matter-how-hard-life-gets/?fb=iis&fbclid=IwAR3RiXRnZilGasb_DQ4mrr41fZNVciI0TkK3lBMt3AFgF53_WNooweTKCw8 ...There are people around us who love and support us unconditionally. We have a family that stands by us from the very beginning of our lives. What’s more, we have friends who will always be there for us, no matter what. All of these loving human beings around us are the greatest treasure we can ask for. They give us strength, they give us love, they give us reasons to be alive. We should be grateful for each and every one of them....

I am taking advantage of staying put so I don't participate in spreading the coronavirus, in part, by watching TV shows I've recorded. This afternoon, it's the 1935 version of A Tale of Two Cities . After being acquitted for treason, Charles Darnay dines with his defense lawyer, a drunk named Sydney Carton, and asks him why drink so much. Carton says, "You are smug, Mr Darnay, to ask why people drink, but I will tell you. So that they can stand their fellow men better. And after a few bottles, I might even like you." I can identify. I found little quarrel with others during and after drinking. Some drunks are fighters, some are lovers. I clearly was the latter. Now sober, I find God to be a much better catalyst to tolerate my fellow men. God wants us to love everyone, even those hard to love. Since I seek to do God's will, I now find it easy to care about others; maybe even "stand (my) fellow men."

I went to church last Sunday. A woman from a halfway house who designated me as her life coach wanted me to go with her and her father. I don't know if I will go again this week. Maybe if I am invited. Definitely not if I'm not asked. It's a Baptist church, very well attended last week. Sure, people were nice. But only three welcomed me and introduced themselves. Of course I didn't approach them. I was a stranger playing on their home field. A.A. people are more friendly. Maybe because it's not a clique. Maybe because we know we automatically have something in common. We all are there for the same reason. Correct me if I am wrong, but church people are church people for various reasons. Some are there to praise and thank God. Some are there for the music, some for the sermon. Others want to socialize. Some want to be seen. Some seek forgiveness, some give gratitude to the Lord. There are those who don't give God much thought until same time next week. ...

I love. Not always, but I love: my wife, my kids, my extended family. Those are unconditional loves, and I hope and believe they are two-way streets. I used to think I loved my neighbor as myself. But after self-reflection following my return to sobriety, I'm not sure I was in  reality traveling that road. I was so in love with myself, I see now, that it was hard to love my neighbor as much. Now that I have turned my life around and allowed God to turn my head around, I can see that I loved only if I felt loved. I gave lip service to love and it felt genuine. But I didn't know what I didn't know. Now my love is about God. God loves me, and His will is that I share His love with others. All others. Surprisingly, I find that easy to do. I don't have to love people for their actions. But I love them because they were created by God the same as I was, and that kind of love now comes naturally. Just as much as I love, I crave to be loved. When I feel God's lo...

I wrote yesterday I was taking a break from blogging and maybe would quit due to a lack of readership. That resulted in an avalanche of one text message pleading with me to continue. So I will. This letter was in the advice column in the paper, and I thought it was worth sharing. Alcohol affects many more than just the alcoholic. See for yourself. Wife’s alcoholism impacts family Dear Annie:  My wife is an alcoholic. I wrote the letter below to myself really. I was wondering if you would publish it, in hopes that it might help someone who is afflicted with alcoholism: I lost my wife and my best friend to alcoholism in March of 2012. That was seven long years ago. She continues to breathe, to function, to exist, but she is not the same person. Not even close. My wife used to light up a room with her laugh and her smile. Alcoholism has extinguished both. My world has not been the same since. As a husband, this disease makes me feel like an utter failure, haunted by ...

Why mourn the dead? What we really are doing is mourning a past that can't be brought back. Our love for the deceased is so great that we feel sorry for ourselves and our lost one. If you are in mourning, try to turn it into a celebration of the life that hes ended. I know it feels impossible because grief is part of the healing process. But here is something you can do: Avoid drowning sadness with alcohol and other drugs. That's no way to pay respect for a person you love.

Jeannette knows fear first-hand because she also knows love -- unconditionally. Love and fear can magnify one another when they meet in our hearts at the same time. She told us at A.A. last week that she very nearly relapsed and that she is extremely thankful she didn't. Her daughter, maybe 10 or 12, calls Jeannette every day after school. She tells if she is coming straight home or, sometimes, if she is stopping off at a friend's. One day she didn't call at all. Jeannette called her daughter's phone. Again and again. No answer, Just voicemail. She called her older daughter, who didn't know where her sister could be. Jeannette called the police, who reassured her that the little girl was probably fine. They said to call back if she didn't hear from her for 24 hours. Jeannette frantically called everyone she could think of who might know her daughter's whereabouts. Some neighbors dropped in to try to comfort Jeannette, who by this time was approaching d...

This was posted in one of my Facebook groups, Faces and Voices of Recovery. I want to share it with y'all. What are your walls? Walls hide us from knowing who we are - by blocking our Light. Until they come down, we will continue to cheat ourselves from knowing LOVE as our true state of being. We build most of our walls without even knowing it. They are built to protect and make sense out of our negative thoughts, emotions, and painful experience. Most begin to develop in childhood and continue to operate in the subconscious mind if not dealt with and healed. Our walls are made up of bricks that represent many different patterns of behaviors that keep us from living our best lives and keep those who care about us at a distance. Here are the bricks that made up my wall that kept me sick for many years: *   Shame was the largest section of my wall. Believing I was a mistake and not good enough. *   Addiction was my second largest section of the w...

(Reprinted from my blog post August 9, 2018) I pray before A.A. meetings and group therapy sessions that God will help me receive relevant messages I need at the moment, and that I will be moved to share helpful words God wants someone in the room to hear and absorb. I have faith those prayers are answered. "The Bible tells us that when we plant seeds of faith in others' lives, we will have no idea how or when those seeds might actually take root and flourish. Your conversation today could lead to someone else's conversation tomorrow or next year." ( The Complete Idiot's Guide to Faith , by my high school buddy, Rev. Charles "Chuck" Moore,   https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Faith/dp/1592574947?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag=sa-b2c-new-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=1592574947 ) Case in point: A few weeks ago in my group discussion at Better Alternatives Counseling in Louisville, we go...

(Reprinted from my blog post August 10, 2018) I pray before A.A. meetings and group therapy sessions that God will help me receive relevant messages I need at the moment, and that I will be moved to share helpful words God wants someone in the room to hear and absorb. I have faith those prayers are answered. "The Bible tells us that when we plant seeds of faith in others' lives, we will have no idea how or when those seeds might actually take root and flourish. Your conversation today could lead to someone else's conversation tomorrow or next year." ( The Complete Idiot's Guide to Faith , by my high school buddy, Rev. Charles "Chuck" Moore,   https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Faith/dp/1592574947?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag=sa-b2c-new-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=1592574947 ) Case in point: A few weeks ago in my group discussion at Better Alternatives Counseling in Louisville, we g...

Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag. We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt anybody but ourselves. — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 79 Step Eight tells us, "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." I have my list. But I'm not sure I am ready to make amends. My mother is on the list. She is 87 years old and lives 430 miles away from me. I never drank in front of her or was drunk when with her. But there have been times my hands shook, I threw up, and was listless after a binge. How do I make amends to her? How can I bring up the subject? She knows I am an alcoholic. She knows I quit drinking, one day at a time. But I haven't figured put how to make amends except by staying away from alcohol. For some unknown reason, she loves me now as much as she ever did. I am grateful to God for that. Loving her in return means I must stay sober. Even when she is gone.

[First published August 10, 2018] I pray before meetings and group therapy sessions that God will help me receive relevant messages I need at the moment, and that I will be moved to share helpful words God wants someone in the room to hear and absorb. I have faith those prayers are answered. "The Bible tells us that when we plant seeds of faith in others' lives, we will have no idea how or when those seeds might actually take root and flourish. Your conversation today could lead to someone else's conversation tomorrow or next year." ( The Complete Idiot's Guide to Faith , by my high school buddy, Rev. Charles "Chuck" Moore,   https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Faith/dp/1592574947?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag=sa-b2c-new-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=1592574947 ) Case in point: A few weeks ago in my group discussion at Better Alternatives Counseling in Louisville, we got into discussio...

This is part of an uplifting Facebook post from Makenzie. I first met her when she was a little kid in need of strength and support. She admits she later fell into a world of drugs. She came out of it and now, about 30 and with two kids, exhibits wholeness, love, and spirituality: Makenzie Love and belonging is a IRREDUCIBLE human need. It's THE human need. Like water, like shelter, like food. It might not be as OBVIOUS as hunger and starving and watching the body just eat itself alive. It eats you alive, but just slower and more painful. Your mind weakens, it attacks itself daily.... Believe they are NOT worthy of love and belonging. Because they feel alone and like no one understands. The only thing standing between you and being loved and belonging is BELIEVING you deserve to be. Like everyone else. Not despite your flaws but BECAUSE of them. We love you BECAUSE of what makes you you. Not "despite" those things. The WHOLE, beautifully, imperfect, complicated ...

I once associated loving myself with narcism. Feeling humble seemed the opposite of loving me. Instead, I have learned that loving myself has to come before loving anyone else. I can't give away what I don't have. Poor self-image is one of those character defects that leads to drinking and alcoholism. From The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns (https://feelinggood.com/ ): "But changing the way you feel is only one of our goals. The other goal is self-acceptance. I want you to learn to accept and love yourself as a flawed and imperfect human. I want you to accept your strengths as well as your weaknesses without a sense of shame or embarrassment." And this from Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch ( http://www.nealedonaldwalsch.com/ ) : "You must see your Self as worthy before you can see another as worthy. You must first see your Self as blessed before you can see another as blessed. You must first know your Self to be holy before you can ack...

I remember these sappy comics running in my local paper as I was growing up. To an adolescent boy, anyway, they were sappy. My parents loved me, and I loved them. But Love with a capital L with a girl with a capital G? That seemed far away. As I am learning as an adult, that wasn't really love at all. Foreigner: "In my life there's been heartache and pain I don't know if I can face it again Can't stop now, I've traveled so far, to change this lonely life "I want to know what love is I want you to show me I want to feel what love is I know you can show me...." http://www.songlyrics.com/foreigner-feat-nate-ruess/i-want-to-know-what-love-is-lyrics/ Alcoholism. "What's love got to do with it?" Tina Turner sang. Plenty. You can't give what you don't have. Scott Peck, in The Road Less Traveled , claims, "Love is not a feeling...Love is an action, an activity." ( http://www.mscottpeck.com/ ) Dr. Peck goes on ...

I pray before A.A. meetings and group therapy sessions that God will help me receive relevant messages I need at the moment, and that I will be moved to share helpful words God wants someone in the room to hear and absorb. I have faith those prayers are answered. "The Bible tells us that when we plant seeds of faith in others' lives, we will have no idea how or when those seeds might actually take root and flourish. Your conversation today could lead to someone else's conversation tomorrow or next year." ( The Complete Idiot's Guide to Faith , by my high school buddy, Rev. Charles "Chuck" Moore,  https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Faith/dp/1592574947?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag=sa-b2c-new-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=1592574947 ) Case in point: A few weeks ago in my group discussion at Better Alternatives Counseling in Louisville, we got into discussion of a member's recent loss ...