Corking the Bottle

When it comes to hands, I'm not very handy. When it comes to following written instructions, A+B=3 for me. I set the directions to anything aside and try to figure out how all the pieces go together and in what order. I always have to tear it apart and start over. If the directions are sketches without words, I find nothing in real life looks like the illustrations. And when the instructions are comprised of both words and pictures, I might as well go straight to the Japanese translation because that will do me just as much good. Thank the God of my choice that life comes with instructions. They are called the 12 Steps.  They're not just for alcoholics and addicts, but for anyone looking for a better life. Unfortunately, few people follow them. See    https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-121_en.pdf For me, those steps once were a staircase to nowhere. It wasn't until I spent 28 days at The Brook in Louisville, where we worked steps 1-7, that I came to understand how

I used to be the community relations manager for a chemical plant. Part of my job was meeting people, talking about our operations, and listening to concerns. "I can smell it, so I know that's why I feel bad all the time." Too often, the monologue went like this: I have breast cancer. My husband died of lung cancer. Our son has asthma. I know of at least six people on my street who have had cancer. I'm ready to sue y'all. Son, go out to the car and bring me my cigarettes." No one can say if our emissions were the cause of cancer or asthma or the common cold. One out of four people will get cancer no matter where they spend their lives. We worked on reducing emissions and odors constantly, but we were dealing with odoriferous chemicals that evaporate easily. It's like the gasoline smell when you fill up your car. It's like baking bread and keeping all that wonderful odor out of the house. Some molecules escape and get sucked up our nostrils. Stay

My dad was a funny man -- quick wit, loved puns, and carried a quiver full of jokes. Most were moaners. Here's one. I hope it comes off in writing as well -- no, better -- than orally: A woman was in a bar for hours and clearly had too much to drink. A policeman happened to be there and insisted he drive her home. They got into his police cruiser, where he soon asked, "Okay, where do you live?" The inebriated woman put her hand on the officer's arm and slurred, "Yer passionate." "Please, ma'am. Just tell me where you live." She put her hand on his hand on the steering wheel. "Yer passionate." "Please, lady. I'm a happily married man. Now tell me where you live!" "I did. Yer passhin' it."

It must have been the first time I watched The Wizard of Oz . I was in first grade or younger; my sister was a year and a half younger than I. When the witch came on the screen -- although all we had was a black-and-white TV -- she was still scary enough that I can remember how that fear felt. My sister hid behind the couch and cried. I still feel fear, but it's a different kind. That movie was fight-or-flight fear. I felt threatened by danger, even though the danger was irrational. My fears these days remain irrational fears, like, will I make someone mad? Will people not like me? Will my kids give up on their alcoholic father? According to Dr. David D. Burns in The Feeling Good Handbook ( https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Handbook-David-Burns-1999-10-28/dp/B017MYK3SU/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1529692806&sr=8-4&keywords=feeling+good+handbook ) , fear must be dealt with head-on. "When you avoid frightening situations, you simply make your problem worse.... Facing you

Today is Father's Day. I don't get into "made-up" holidays like this one but I will pause to give thanks to my father. He shaped me, led me, and left me too soon. Dad died of a heart attack in 1979, just a month after his 49th birthday. I was out on my own by that time, but I lost my best friend that day. I had called him that morning because I had an extra ticket to the Pirates' game, but he was at church working on something. I went without him. Dad emphasized three attributes in life, and he followed them all. He didn't want me ever to smoke, swear, or drink. As time has passed, I have learned that obeying two out of three wasn't good enough. I now pass on alcohol and am trying to make it a hat trick for my father.

Today's paradox: I regret the way I used to live, but I love my life left behind out of the ruins. I wouldn't know people I know, I wouldn't know myself I now know, and I wouldn't be able to help those still struggling with alcohol addiction. This passage from Staying Sober by Terence T. Gorski and Merlene Miller reminds me of the me I used to be. Sound familiar? "Mood swings are common as the person uses the drug to feel better but is unable to maintain the good feelings. As life becomes more and more drug centered, there is less and less control over behavior. Activities that interfere with drinking or using are given up. Getting ready to use, using, and recovering from using become the life activities of addicted people. They do things while drinking they would not do sober. While sober, they structure their lives to protect their using. They break promises, forget commitments, lie -- all to be able to use. Isolation is common.... Drug seeking behavior beco

Longing to return to my past was a major factor that led me to abuse the bottle. A resource I find helpful, loaned to me by Leslie of Better Alternative Counseling in Louisville, is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. She loaned me a boxed variety of 50 inspirational cards. ( https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-power-of-now-50-inspiration-cards-eckhart-tolle/1117656841?st=SEM&sid=BNB_DRS_DSA+-+Catch+All_00000000&2sid=Google_b&sourceId=SEGoS210&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8fCt7MTZ2wIVDgFpCh1qYAbtEAAYBSAAEgLlR_D_BwE ) Here are a few samples: "How to stop creating time? Realize deeply the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life." "Acceptance of what is immediately frees you from mind identification and thus reconnects you with Being. Resistance is the mind." "Enlightenment means choosing to dwell in the state of presence rather than in time. It means saying yes to what is." "Observe how the mind

I had a Sunday School teacher when I was in high school who believed the Bible was the infallible word of God, no questions asked. That kind of blind belief was met by teenage doubts and questioning. One Sunday, she left the room to let us discuss "firing" her. We did. Our new teacher allowed us to openly discuss Bible stories, what they meant, and if they were literally true. I never lost my faith in a higher power, but I never found Him/Her, for example, as the one who flooded the entire earth except for Noah and his arkful. Today's A.A. Daily Reflection says, "I couldn't accept the concept of a Higher Power because I believed God was cruel and unloving. In desperation I chose a table, a tree, then my A.A. group, as my Higher Power. Time passed, my life improved, and I began to wonder about this Higher Power. Gradually, with patience, humility and a lot of questions, I came to believe in God. Now my relationship with my Higher Power gives me the strength to

A 2015 study published by Addiction Research and Theory identified four kinds of drunks: 1. Hemmingway. These drunks show minimal signs of intoxication despite their heavy drinking. I used to think or wish that were me. 2. Mary Poppins.They are agreeable when sober and still agreeable  when drunk. 3. The Nutty Professor. These people are extremely introverted when sober and become the life of the party when blasted. 4. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. They have the personality of Dr. Jekyll when sober but turn into violent monsters when drunk, The study cited is at  https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.3109/16066359.2015.1029920 An MEL Magazine article by Jennifer Sanchez sheds some light on Mr. Hyde. ( https://melmagazine.com/inside-the-mind-of-an-angry-drunk-cb3f226d9c05 ) She refers to David Friedman of the Wake Forest University School of Medicine, who has been conducting drug-abuse research for nearly 40 years. "'You probably won't  be surprised to hear this, but some

Mark at A.A. today quoted someone he had heard sometime. "I can. He can. I think I'll let him." Huh? Look at the first three Steps. Step 1.  "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that or lives had become unmanageable."      I can! Step 2. "Came to believe a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."      He can! Step 3.  "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."      I think I'll let Him!

"I never worry about being driven to drink. I just worry about being driven home." "I never drink gin before breakfast." "I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."      -- W.C. Fields, 1880-1946 Laugh at your problems. Everybody else does.      -- Anonymous

I just watched Days of Wine and Roses  starring Jack Lemmon and Lee Remick  (1962) It's a story of an alcoholic couple who loved each other and loved their  daughter. It took Jack Lemmon (Joe) several tries to stay sober. Lee  Remick  (Kirsten) had a tougher time. In the end, Joe had to tell Kirsten they couldn't be together any more until she wanted and received help.  [ Joe offers to reconcile with Kirsten - but only if she quits drinking ]  "You remember how it really was? You and me and booze - a threesome. You and I were a couple of drunks on the sea of booze, and the boat sank. I got hold of something that kept me from going under, and I'm not going to let go of it. Not for you. Not for anyone. If you want to grab on, grab on. But there's just room for you and me - no threesome." The TV hostess said Jack Lemmon and Director Blake Edwards both drank heavily together during the filming, ironically. She claimed they both got help later.

As I understand Freud, he spent a lot of time discussing childhood, relationships with parents, and the Oedipus complex. My psychiatrist turned me onto a book he thought might be helpful. Boy, he was right! I am now reading it for a second time. It is full of good stuff to help me get to the real root of my hangups. It's about cognitive therapy, which says my relationship with my father isn't all that significant. The book is The Feeling Good Handbook , by Dr. David D. Burns. It would be difficult to delve into many specifics because the theory is hard to explain in a few short blog posts. (Burns' book is two inches and 729 pages including the index.) Maybe a website on cognitive theory will pique your interest. O ne to try is https://www.cognitivetherapynyc.com/What-Is-Cognitive-Therapy.aspx . That site describes cognitive theory this way: "Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a relatively short-term, focused psychotherapy for a wide range of psychological problems inc

I carry in my wallet at all times my six Defenses to fend off relapse temptations. Yours will be different than mine; you need to come up with what will help you. After I share my Defenses, I will then share a secret with you. 1. Do something else. Take a walk, go to a meeting, etc. 2. Read some self-help books, including but not limited to the Big Book. 3. Eat something spicy or sweet. 4. Call my sponsor or someone else who can help -- including my very own little sister. 5. Call my wife. 6. Start over with #1. Now for the secret I promised. Every time I relapse I ignore my six Defenses. I decided I wanted to drink and doggonit I don't want anything to stop me. After all, I can quit anytime, I will just drink a little at a time, I will only drink at night, I will only drink on weekends, blah blah blah. Write down your own defenses. And then follow them!!!

Discovering character defects means coming face to face with the bad "us." Until I take action to admit my defects to God, myself, and another human being (Step 5) and then relegate ooops'es solely to the rearview mirror, I am stuck with staring down the ugly me. How to I refrain from beating myself up for what suddenly seems to be obvious flaws? A book I have read twice is Awakening in Time by Jacquelyn Small (https://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Time-Journey-Codependence-Co-Creation/dp/0939344181/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1544474202&sr=1-2&keywords=awakening+in+time ). She gets a bit heady for me with chakras and their respective glands and colors (whatever all that means), but I highlighted many parts of the book to refer to later. One such passage helps me accept myself, defects and all: "From the Higher Self's perspective, I do not judge my weaknesses and vulnerabilities as 'bad;' I simply note them for what they are -- with com