Corking the Bottle

(Reprinted from my blog post August 6, 2018) We pray the Lord's prayer. We hold hands in a circle and repeat it after most A.A. meetings. We say it every Sunday in church. When I was little, we said it before each school day began. But did you ever notice that there's a catch to it? Everything is asked straightforward: Give us our daily bread, don't lead us into temptation, deliver us from evil. Right in the middle is a scary action item for  us , a do-this-for-me-and-I-will-do-this-for-you deal we make with God. "And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." In the Presbyterian church where I grew up, we replace "trespasses" with "debts." It seems like Presbyterians are worried about money we owe and others owe us. Un-Presbyterians promise to obey God's "No Trespassing!" signs, the same as we allow others into our yards.  "Trespasses" and "debts" don't get to the main...

(First published July 3, 2018) I was about to lose my job in 2004. My friend, confidant, and sister-in-law (rolled into one) must have sensed a high-pressure system and impending rainstorm. She told me I should go sit on a beach until I find the real Dan again. Of course I didn't take her advice."We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not ( Big Book , page 58)." At that point, I hadn't hit bottom yet and so was still frantically digging my hole. Today, I find the old Dan is no more. It turns out the hole he was digging was his own grave. But from all the depression, DUIs, fender benders, and blackouts arose a new Dan. I seriously have never felt like this my entire life. I feel no stress. I am empowered. I am in control of my life. I discovered true joy. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to "the care of God as we understood him." Further, I made a moral inventory of myself and "was entirely ready to have God ...

(Reprinted from July 1, 2018) Quite by accident, I stumbled upon (a sober stumble, not one of my inebriated falls) a website that dishes out some interesting perspectives on the success of A.A. and the so-called Big Book that steers that organization: "Today, A.A. is serving more than 2 million recovering alcoholics in more than 180 countries. Moreover, the 12 Step program that Bill W. laid out in the Big Book has helped millions of people with a host of other addictions. 'These include Narcotics Anonymous, the more specific Marijuana Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Workaholics Anonymous, and Sexaholics Anonymous,' reports the BBC. 'Clutterers Anonymous deals with those with hoarding problems. Underearners Anonymous offers support for those suffering an inability to provide for one's needs.' Support for loved ones of those going through addiction is on offer at Families Anonymous [more common around here is Al-Anon]. In 2011, the Big Book was named one of ...

“The mentality and behavior of drug addicts and alcoholics is wholly irrational until you understand that they are completely powerless over their addiction and unless they have structured help, they have no hope.” ―  Russell Brand "Structured help" may take many forms that can be different for different people. In my case, the help has been A.A., 12 Steps, my sponsor, group therapy, a psychiatrist, a therapist, God, exercise, and my caring wife.

I was in Grove City, PA, visiting my mother, my sister, and her family the past two days. At lunch yesterday, my sister made the observation that I had been placed on a pedestal, and that made me judgemental. There was a time I would have bristled and denied her opinion. My mother's nods, anyway, added umph to her statement. I never thought I was on any pedestal. But my healing from alcoholism did make me acknowledge in Step 4 that I was full of myself, and I found characteristics in many others that I judged to make them inferior. Yes, I'm afraid I have been judgemental. My sister and mother agreed that I'm not as bad at that as I used to. I hope that is so. The 12 Steps made me come to the realization that everyone is just like me; none better, none inferior. Praise God for turning my alcoholism into positive acknowledgements of my old self. I turn my character defects over to God. Make me a better person.

[First published July 1, 2018] Quite by accident, I stumbled upon (a sober stumble, not one of my inebriated falls) a website that dishes out some interesting perspectives on the success of A.A. and the so-called Big Book that steers that organization: "Today, A.A. is serving more than 2 million recovering alcoholics in more than 180 countries. Moreover, the 12 Step program that Bill W. laid out in the Big Book has helped millions of people with a host of other addictions. 'These include Narcotics Anonymous, the more specific Marijuana Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Workaholics Anonymous, and Sexaholics Anonymous,' reports the BBC. 'Clutterers Anonymous deals with those with hoarding problems. Underearners Anonymous offers support for those suffering an inability to provide for one's needs.' Support for loved ones of those going through addiction is on offer at Families Anonymous [more common around here is Al-Anon]. In 2011, the Big Book was named one of...

Sobriety for me has become more than not drinking. It means becoming a better person and being a quiet supporter of others. I really am a better person than I ever have been before; all fact, no brag, as my high school friends used to say. I am "willing to turn the past to good account . We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors and convert them into assets." (The Big Book, page 124.) Working the 12 steps helped me get in better touch with myself. That meant recognizing my character defects and, with God's help, understanding myself and, thus, understanding others. This has brought me a joyous life instead of mere happiness, which comes then fades. The Big Book continues, "Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have -- the key to life and happiness ('joy')...."

[First published June 10, 2018] Mark at A.A. today quoted someone he had heard sometime. "I can. He can. I think I'll let him." Huh? Look at the first three Steps. Step 1.   "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that or lives had become unmanageable."      I can! Step 2.  "Came to believe a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."      He can! Step 3.   "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."      I think I'll let Him!

A.A., the Twelve Steps, sponsors, people at meetings, counseling.... None of it makes any difference. Huh? you say. Let me explain, I reply. None of that stuff helped me at all -- until I opened my mind and chose them. Until I accepted that I was traveling a wrong path and wanted to get well, nothing could ever help one iota. My mind had to become fertile ground. I believed in a higher power all right. But I didn't BELIEVE in a higher power. I kinda sorta wanted to change, but only if I could do it my way. Thank God I surrendered, embraced all the help that was there to be harvested, and literally embraced fellow A.A. members. " At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not.... Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." (the Big Book, page 58) How about you? Are you willing to admit you are powerless over alcohol? See Steps 1-3 to get started.

My knees are stiff these days when I go up and down steps. Crack, crack, pop! It's from running in yesteryears or from old age. I tell myself it's the former, as I grab the handrail and semi-hop when I descend. A.A.'s 12 Steps, I admit, are no easier than tangible steps. I know the cause of that pain: too many years of drinking, denying, lying, stealing.... you know the litany. In working the steps, I had to take a hard look internally and face down my personal demons. The result is a more centered individual who no longer has to hold so tight to the intangible handrail. I completed the first seven steps as an inpatient. I continually review and work at the last three. That leaves just Steps 8 and 9. In Step 8 we are supposed to make "a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." Step 9 tells us to make "direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." (Aside:...

Yesterday's A.A. Reflection said, in part, "Some of today is bound to spill over into tomorrow, but most of it need not if I make an honest daily inventory." Step 4 of A.A.'s 12 Steps tells us to "make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." Step 10 tells us to continually "take personal inventory and when we (are) wrong, promptly (admit) it." If we leave our dirty dishes in the sink all night, they will still need washed tomorrow. If we ignore them again, they keep piling up, and the spaghetti sauce from three days ago becomes dry and harder to clean off. You may be surprised to know that "procrastination" is a four-letter word. So clean those dishes each day. Don't go to bed without taking an honest inventory of your day, and admit your wrongs. Writing down your inventory at bedtime might be helpful to you. Don't allow your kitchen sink to spill over into tomorrow. See how much better you will feel.

I am glad my disease led me to the 12 Steps. They are the A.A.  formula for sobriety. But they are much more than that. They are a formula for living. Everyone, not just alcoholics, should embrace the 12 Steps as a tried-and-true way to live a fulfilling and spiritual life. The first step is the only one that even mentions "alcohol;" the next 11 1/2 tell us how to live. They are for everybody. THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shor...

The Bible says, " For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven." (Ecclesiastes, 3:1) My season is winter. It's hard for me to run anymore. Or go down steps without a handrail. My daughters are approaching middle age. It's still summer for them, but autumn isn't far away. My hands are stiff with arthritis. Even interesting TV shows put me to sleep. I forget stuff, but I remember when we had no personal computers or cell phones. Or blogs. Yeah, winter is setting in all right. I was in just 32 when the Bangles sang, "Look around. Leaves are brown. And the sky is a hazy shade of winter." Now I know what that means. But now doesn't have to be the winter of our discontent. (I tinkered with Gloucester's quote from Richard III.) This season has given me a new look at life. I found God, and then He led me to sobriety. That changed everything. I have an opportunity to influence alcoholics and others. I'm pleased w...

Mindfulness is a tool I keep practicing to keep myself sober. I began drinking too much because memories of my wonderful past life had changed. Those good times were gone forever, forcing me to lay out a revised road map for my future life. Sadly, I felt better when I drank. Then I came to learn that mindfulness is something I need. Mindfulness, in part, is paying attention to the present and finding contentment there. A Harvard study found the average person's mind is wandering 47% of the time. That means almost half of our lives is missing. Transformation to being mindful can't be achieved by sheer willpower. It requires focus, meditation, and practice. Practice, practice, practice. What you practice grows stronger. Mindfulness strengthens our immune system, decreases stress, and helps us sleep better. When I drank, I was fighting all the positive things that should have been happening in my mind and body. I came to feel ashamed of myself. I thought, no big deal. I'...

We pray the Lord's prayer. We hold hands in a circle and repeat it after most A.A. meetings. We say it every Sunday in church. When I was little, we said it before each school day began. But did you ever notice that there's a catch to it? Everything is asked straightforward: Give us our daily bread, don't lead us into temptation, deliver us from evil. Right in the middle is a scary action item for us , a do-this-for-me-and-I-will-do-this-for-you deal we make with God. "And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." In the Presbyterian church where I grew up, we replace "trespasses" with "debts." It seems like Presbyterians are worried about money we owe and others owe us. Un-Presbyterians promise to obey God's "No Trespassing!" signs, the same as we allow others into our yards.  "Trespasses" and "debts" don't get to the main issue here. Don't we really mean, "F...

Someone at my home group meeting today said something I really liked. We were discussing the AA Daily Reflection, which said in part, "The 12 Steps have helped to change my life in many ways, but none is more effective than the acquisition of a Higher Power." A man at the meeting said he used to worship a lower power -- alcohol -- and he was his own higher power. I can relate. Another shared that he can't define God, but you can feel him inside you if you are open. From the Big Book , page 60: "...God could and would if he were sought ."

I was about to lose my job in 2004. My friend, confidant, and sister-in-law (rolled into one) must have sensed a high-pressure system and impending rainstorm. She told me I should go sit on a beach until I find the real Dan again. Of course I didn't take her advice."We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not ( Big Book , page 58)." At that point, I hadn't hit bottom yet and so was still frantically digging my hole. Today, I find the old Dan is no more. It turns out the hole he was digging was his own grave. But from all the depression, DUIs, fender benders, and blackouts arose a new Dan. I seriously have never felt like this my entire life. I feel no stress. I am empowered. I am in control of my life. I discovered true joy. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to "the care of God as we understood him." Further, I made a moral inventory of myself and "was entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of chara...

Quite by accident, I stumbled upon (a sober stumble, not one of my inebriated falls) a website that dishes out some interesting perspectives on the success of A.A. and the so-called Big Book that steers that organization: "Today, A.A. is serving more than 2 million recovering alcoholics in more than 180 countries. Moreover, the 12 Step program that Bill W. laid out in the Big Book has helped millions of people with a host of other addictions. 'These include Narcotics Anonymous, the more specific Marijuana Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Workaholics Anonymous, and Sexaholics Anonymous,' reports the BBC. 'Clutterers Anonymous deals with those with hoarding problems. Underearners Anonymous offers support for those suffering an inability to provide for one's needs.' Support for loved ones of those going through addiction is on offer at Families Anonymous [more common around here is Al-Anon]. In 2011, the Big Book was named one of the most influential books writt...

Mark at A.A. today quoted someone he had heard sometime. "I can. He can. I think I'll let him." Huh? Look at the first three Steps. Step 1.  "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that or lives had become unmanageable."      I can! Step 2. "Came to believe a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."      He can! Step 3.  "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."      I think I'll let Him!