Corking the Bottle

Coronavirus doesn't exist. Think positively. If there is a coronavirus, it will go away without affecting me, my family, or my friends. That's what I call "positive thinking." In reality, that's what I call hogwash. Wait. I do believe in positive thinking. But what exists in my "Pleasantville" doesn't exist in Louisville.  People get sick. Divorce happens. Domestic violence exists. The police shot and killed someone's brother, son, and maybe father downtown yesterday because he pulled a weapon on police. Bad stuff like covid-19 exists. So do rainbows and butterflies. God gets us through the bad stuff and enables us to enjoy the good stuff. He tests us in many ways. My alcoholism was a test. It wasn't God's will, but He used my addiction to make me a better person once I emerged from the darkness of the disease. Have faith in a Higher Power, and this too will pass. I opened up a book I read sometime back and came across a passage ...

Many enter A.A. afraid of the steps that relate to God, a Higher Power. As I think back, it seems to me I always had a Higher Power. That Higher Power was me. I had control of my life and most of the things that happened to me. At least I told myself I did. I tried to exercise power over my family and others and came to feel that if they didn't recognize my power, it must be proof of their own weakness. Thankfully, that's an exaggeration. Yeah, I had a superiority complex, but I knew I wasn't God. I use this hyperbole (I hope it's hyperbole!) to make a point.  Alcoholics working the steps have to believe in a power greater than themselves. With no power above them, it means they must have been responsible for creating the earth, breathing life into the lungs of all creatures, and giving birth to Jesus, who needed paddling and time-outs often while growing up. Hyperbole again. But here's the thing: Did God, the creator, die and leave the universe on autopilot...

Cindy said something at A.A. that I thought was very perceptive. She usually goes on about her health, her daughter, and her mother. This goes to show it pays to always be listening or some valuable gem might remain unearthed. "I feel sorry for people out there who don't drink," Cindy said, "because it's so much harder for them to find themselves." Hey, I was lost for a long time and didn't even know it. I probably still would be wandering among the tall weeds if I hadn't found God, and thus myself, as I sobered from drinking. Working the Twelve Steps was eye-opening. I think most important to me were the Fourth Step and Fifth Step. I made a moral inventory of myself, looking deep inside of me to identify my shortcomings. Then I admitted to myself, to God, and to another human being (my sponsor) those wrongs I identified in Step Four. I still work on my flaws. Before, I didn't recognize those flaws, so how the heck was I supposed to imp...

Are you still drinking? Do you think you want to stop? The first step is -- well, it's Step One. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable." Notice nothing in this first of the 12 Steps says don't drink. It's merely an admission that alcohol has crippled our lives and we are spiraling out of control. A.A.'s Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions points out that none of us wants to admit defeat in anything, least of all defeat in our own precious lives. But coming to terms with our powerlessness over the demon rum is essential to taking back control of ourselves. "We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built." Happy. Purposeful. Sound enticing?

I attended a retreat today for members of the community council for a service group. One exercise was to take the word "run" and write several words we associate with it. As a former long-distance runner, my words were things like marathon, jog, trot, trophy, fitness, exercise. Across the room sat a Metro Councilman. His words had to do with election, meeting, chairman, campaign, vote. He and I own different perspectives and backgrounds. He lives in the same neighborhood as me, but in a sense, he comes from a different place. That's an important learning for me, who still struggles sometimes with people who are radically different. I'm more understanding and less judgemental than I used to be, but I still have to deal with a few trolls under my bridge. "Trolls aren't bad people; they're just people I don't really understand. Here's the deal: it's how we treat the trolls in our lives that will let us know how far along we are in our faith...

My problem was -- and always will be -- I don't know what I don't know. When I was starting out in my career, I made a lot of mistakes. Why? Because I didn't know. For instance, I thought my view of things was the right and only way. If only I could show others the way I was thinking, they would see I was right and would abandon their misconceptions. Even in high school, as editor of the school paper, I could fix things with a well-worded editorial. What's wrong with people who didn't see the errors of their thought process? It was that way with my drinking problem. I didn't know what I didn't know. I can do this, I thought. Mind over matter. I only will drink after 9 p.m. Easy. But home by myself all day and nowhere to go, why not start early? Just a little to ease my aloneness. Okay, so that didn't work. So I will only drink on weekends while I am watching sports on TV. But I found instant replays in the bottom of my glass. Okay, so that did...

(Reprinted from my blog post August 9, 2018) Being an alcoholic can be a gift. Yeah, that's right. Wrap it up and tie it with a nice little bow. You have the power to turn a curse, like being a fall-down drunk, into a blessing from God. Theresa, at my home group A.A. meeting, said, "It's not what happens to me. It's what I  do  with what happens to me." Like makin' a silk purse from a sow's ear, I guess. We get stuck sometimes holding that sow's yucky ear. God probably didn't drop it into our laps. We went Van Gogh on that poor piggie all on our own free will. So what are you going to make from your sow's ear? I like to quote  The Purpose-Driven Life  ( https://www.goodreads.com/author/list/711.Rick_Warren ). "God also planned where you'd be born and where you'd live for his purpose. Your race and nationality are no accident.... He planned it all for  his  purpose." He also gives us free will. We can pawn the mower w...

Step 10, 11, 12 Step 10, 11, 12 Step 10, 11, 12 I'm not being redundant, but I am being repetitive. When we work A.A.'s Twelve Steps, 1-9 are complete -- until you feel like you need a refresher do-over. But steps 10, 11, and 12 are supposed to be repeated and repeated often. Continuously. Here are those steps. Please read them, if they aren't already burned into your brain, and note that they are meant to be practiced all the time. 10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I see this TV commercial a lot: "Foundation problems don't get better with time. If you're experiencing cracks in brick, cracks in block, cracks in drywall, or cracks around doors or windows, call...." My foundation used to be cracked, and it didn't get any better with time. That is, until I found God, went to A.A. meetings, worked the Twelve Steps, and read the Big Book and other mental health/spirituality books. Now I have no cracks in my mortar. Well, I have a few. But overall, my foundation is stronger now. The reason for abusing alcohol and other substances is a weak foundation. Whatever you try won't work until you build a sturdy foundation. That takes work. That takes support from others. That means having a dependable contractor (sponsor). If you have cracks in your foundation (And who doesn't?) patch them. Start now. It takes time to identify them and then make needed repairs.

"Life is difficult. This is a great truth.... "Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy." -- M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled ,  http://www.mscottpeck.com/ But life "is a series of problems." We each deal with life in our own way. Some of us turn to alcohol and drugs, which is what this blog is all about. Pain, I heard recently at an A.A. meeting, is necessary; suffering is optional. I chose to suffer after a series of unanticipated "tragedies" left me depressed. I had never had so much turn so rotten so quickly in my life and so had never experienced depression. The only fix that seemed to work was alcohol. Ironically, alcohol itself is a depressant. But if I drank enough, the earth stopped turning for a little while until I re...

Here is something that is confusing to me. "According to Carl Jung, at the very core of our humanness exists a dualism -- the shadow and the light. Before we can manifest our light and become that winged bird, we must first come to know and accept our shadow." (Jacqueline Small, Awakening in Time     https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/jacquelyn-small/awakening-in-time/ ) I have worked to minimize and erase the personality disorders I have become aware of by working the Twelve Steps. One important defect is self-centeredness and a feeling of superiority. I feel like I have made good progress toward that goal. People at A.A. meetings show me we are all the same in God's eyes, but with unique strengths and weaknesses. That's the way God made us. My wife still accuses me of thinking only of myself. So does my youngest sister. So am I not seeing myself clearly for what I am? Are they trying to boost their own self-esteem by projecting their issues at me? Or...

I'm home from our annual family camping vacation, which includes my family and my in-laws. Only 11 attended this year. It was the first such get-together since my father-in-law died. My mother-in-law didn't go. I'm glad my 87-year-old mother was able to go. She even rode a camel at a wildlife park. As for me, I was there 100% sober. I can't say that for every year. One time I was sick for several days as I detoxed. One year I went just a week after a 28-day out-patient stay. I even went to  an AA meeting someplace in Ohio that year. But I stayed sober only about three months after that. Other years I thought often about how soon I would be home...alone...with vodka. I couldn't wait for the outing to end. It was so nice this year to be sober and without a thought of my next drink. Each morning during my fitness walk I thanked God for the nature around me, for taking over my life as I had asked him to do, and for my family at camp and places far away. I'm ...

"Just as a sculptor will use different tools to achieve desired effects in creating a work of art, in Alcoholics Anonymous the Twelve Steps are used to bring about results in my own life.... My life is now in the Hands of my Higher Power, a master craftsman who is shaping each part of my life into a unique work of art." That's an excerpt from A.A.'s Daily Reflections for July 1. After it was read at an A.A. meeting I attended that day, Jim added to the sculpting metafore. He said sculpting is done either by adding or taking away. By starting with nothing, an artist can take clay and form it to take the shape he wants. Or a sculptor can start with a rock or a slab of metal or even ice and take away from it until he creates the form he wants it to have. Jim's point was that God does sculpt us. He can do so by adding joy to our lives and helping us find our true form. God also sculpts us by taking away our drinking and our flaws. "He makes me a new person....

(Reprinted from June 29, 2018) When it comes to hands, I'm not very handy. When it comes to following written instructions, A+B=3 for me. I set the directions to anything aside and try to figure out how all the pieces go together and in what order. I  always  have to tear it apart and start over. If the directions are sketches without words, I find nothing in real life looks like the illustrations. And when the instructions are comprised of both words  and  pictures, I might as well go straight to the Japanese translation because that will do me just as much good. Thank the God of my choice that life comes with instructions. They are called the 12 Steps.  They're not just for alcoholics and addicts, but for anyone looking for a better life. Unfortunately, few people follow them. See    https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-121_en.pdf For me, those steps once were a staircase to nowhere. It wasn't until I spent 28 days at The Brook in Louisville, ...

Drinking too much causes more problems than we can shake a Schlitz at. If you haven't turned that problem around yet, I hope you find comfort in the knowledge that your higher power is with you all the time. Trust me on that. I mentioned The Purpose Driven Life previously ( https://pastorrick.com/ ). My beliefs don't mesh with author Rick Warren's Biblical and Christian beliefs (I think both have flaws), but much of what he wrote I highlighted and underlined. Maybe you can identify with this passage from the book: "Problems (like alcoholism) force us to look to God and depend on him instead of ourselves.... Everything that happens to you has spiritual significance. Everything! Romans 8:28-29 explains why: 'We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.'" Sobriety is all about God. If you haven't let God in yet, explore how you can open that door. A.A.'s...

I finished reading God Is for Real today ( https://www.heavenlive.org/god-is-for-real ). Much of it I agree with, some of it I don't. What struck me in Chapter 21 was Todd Burpo's parallelism with A.A.'s Twelve Steps without him mentioning them per se. "God smiles at your spiritual steps just as you applaud a child's physical ones. What if you envisioned God's commands as steps? Steps can take you up a stairway that brings you closer to Him. Steps can also take you higher in your relationship to others as each steps takes your character higher too." That's Step 2, Step 3, and Step 12. See all 12 Steps below. A few pages later: "Is a grudge holding you back? Is there someone you hold something against, or who holds something against you? If so, it is time to put that to rest, and ... make that right." Clearly Step 9. Then: "...make a list of those you need to reconcile with, and do what it takes to love them and forgive them w...

I want to point something out about the relationship between two of A.A.'s Twelve Steps. First, Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." Then, Step 11: "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." Step 3 makes me think of  meeting a new friend and asking him to do something for me. "Take over my will and my life, please." By Step 11 I know this friend better, and now I'm willing to do something nice for Him. "Hey, y'know, I would be happy to spend more time with you, and if you want me to do something for you, just let me know what your will for me is." Sep 11 strikes me as being a follow-up to Step 3. After Steps 4-10, I have come to know God better and my hope is to do His will for me. Before the steps, I was messing up my ...

[First published August 9, 2018] Being an alcoholic can be a gift. Yeah, that's right. Wrap it up and tie it with a nice little bow. You have the power to turn a curse, like being a fall-down drunk, into a blessing from God. Theresa, at my home group A.A. meeting, said, "It's not what happens to me. It's what I  do  with what happens to me." Like makin' a silk purse from a sow's ear, I guess. We get stuck sometimes holding that sow's yucky ear. God probably didn't drop it into our laps. We went Van Gogh on that poor piggie all on our own free will. So what are you going to make from your sow's ear? I like to quote  The Purpose-Driven Life  ( https://www.christianbook.com/purpose-driven-life-what-earth-here/rick-warren/9780310337508/pd/337508?kw=47259373575&mt=b&dv=c&event=PPCSRC&p=1186432&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIleLw_YLg3AIVw7XACh2pXwuVEAAYAiAAEgINz_D_BwE ). "God also planned where you'd be born and where you'...

Pennsylvania, where I was born and raised, calls itself The Keystone State, because people believed that, like a keystone, Pennsylvania held the other 12 states together. Today's A.A. Daily Reflection ( https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily-reflection ) calls Step 3 the keystone step. "The 'other pieces' are Steps One, Two, and Four through Twelve. In one sense this sounds like Step Three is the most important Step, that the other eleven depend on the third for support. In reality however, Step Three is just one of the twelve. It is the keystone...." But without Step 3, no full recovery from alcoholism can be made. I think that is right. Turning our will and our lives over to the care of God or to our higher power is essential to recovery. It also is essential to the lives of everybody , alcoholic or addict or not. Trust God. Follow His will. You will find that life is better that way. He knows what is best for our lives.

[First published August 9, 2018] Being an alcoholic can be a gift. Yeah, that's right. Wrap it up and tie it with a nice little bow. You have the power to turn a curse, like being a fall-down drunk, into a blessing from God. Theresa, at my home group A.A. meeting, said, "It's not what happens to me. It's what I  do  with what happens to me." Like makin' a silk purse from a sow's ear, I guess. We get stuck sometimes holding that sow's yucky ear. God probably didn't drop it into our laps. We went Van Gogh on that poor piggie all on our own free will. So what are you going to make from your sow's ear? I like to quote  The Purpose-Driven Life  ( https://www.christianbook.com/purpose-driven-life-what-earth-here/rick-warren/9780310337508/pd/337508?kw=47259373575&mt=b&dv=c&event=PPCSRC&p=1186432&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIleLw_YLg3AIVw7XACh2pXwuVEAAYAiAAEgINz_D_BwE ). "God also planned where you'd be born and where you'...