Corking the Bottle

A.A., the Twelve Steps, sponsors, people at meetings, counseling.... None of it makes any difference. Huh? you say. Let me explain, I reply. None of that stuff helped me at all -- until I opened my mind and chose them. Until I accepted that I was traveling a wrong path and wanted to get well, nothing could ever help one iota. My mind had to become fertile ground. I believed in a higher power all right. But I didn't BELIEVE in a higher power. I kinda sorta wanted to change, but only if I could do it my way. Thank God I surrendered, embraced all the help that was there to be harvested, and literally embraced fellow A.A. members. " At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not.... Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." (the Big Book, page 58) How about you? Are you willing to admit you are powerless over alcohol? See Steps 1-3 to get started.

[First published May 19, 2008] I often hear newbies wonder if they have an alcohol problem. For me, the best evidence is if I can make my planned last drink of the day really my last drink. And do I find myself thinking of alcohol and looking forward to my next close encounter of the fifth kind? I found some other symptoms of alcoholism when I looked over https://www.cliffsidemalibu.com/happens-negative-impacts-alcohol-become-unbearable/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpo-%20is%20a%20broad%20category%20to%20considerymfiR2wIVTb7ACh1HkAnGEAAYAiAAEgIdpfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds . "For those who are on the fence, there's another important question to ask: Has alcohol negatively impacted your health? Though health and wellness is a broad category to consider, the most specific thing to look at is physical health. Do you ever wake up with 'the shakes?' Have you noticed more intense bouts of anxiety or depression? Do you feel foggy or forgetful? Have you sustained any physical injuries

Home basketball season opened last night for the University of Louisville women's basketball team. I have been a season ticket holder for several years, just a few rows up in the corner of the KFC Yum! Center. We have made the final four three times, including last year, and played in the national championship twice, getting clobbered both times by Connecticut. Ugh!  I enjoyed the game last night immensely, We beat Miami (Ohio) by 22 points. What made the game so great was that I watched it completely sober. I missed a few games in the past because I was too drunk. One time I went and forgot where I parked the car. During the first round of the NCAA tournament last spring, which we hosted here, I saw us beat Boise State, but I was only half there. I didn't make it to game 2. On the way there, I rear-ended a car and woke up in the  emergency room. I wasn't hurt, but I was completely out of it. I don't remember the accident or the ambulance ride. So, how fun was dri

...and stay sober.

Thanksgiving came and went with 12 inlaws and two babies in my house for two days. I had a wonderful time: lots of laughs, lots of updates about our lives, lots of good food, lots of memories. I am thankful that I celebrated Thanksgiving completely sober. I can't remember last Thanksgiving. I don't remember drinking, but I must have been and that's why I can't remember. What a waste! What a loss! I expect next Thanksgiving to be able to remember this Thanksgiving. And I expect I will remember, as long as I stay sober, one day at a time. God, I give thanks for my sobriety.

[First published on May 18. 2018] I grew up as part of a family active in church. There, people told me what to believe. And I did believe. But later in my adult life, I became disillusioned with formal religion as it was taught to me. In my community relations job, I had become painfully aware of basic needs being unmet all around us. But for the most part, churches didn't know or else didn't care. I no longer felt religious, but I still believed in God. What's up with that? It wasn't until I got into A.A. that I learned religion and spirituality are different. I can be spiritual: love God, pray, seek to do God's will, and  don't judge others' spirituality . I believe there is one God, but how I perceive Him is up to me. We choose our own higher power. I had never seen spirituality from this perspective. Where you find your higher power doesn't matter. Just find it! One of my favorite books is  Awakening in Time , by Jacquelyn Small. She writes,

[First published on May 18] Everything happens for a reason -- even alcoholism. I'm still searching for my reason, but I know it's out there somewhere. I must stop relapsing, learn patience, and trust God. Maybe my reason for drinking is to remake my character. Maybe my reason is to write this blog. Maybe one or more of you who read this site will be inspired in some way. I dunno. But there must be a reason for my Buick to steer into a ditch. I like what the Big Book says on page 457.  "So as I have worked the program, I have grown emotionally and intellectually. I not only have peace  with  God, I have the peace  of  God through an active God consciousness. I not only have recovered from alcoholism, I have become whole in person -- body, spirit, and soul." It is a paradox, but alcoholism is helping me become a better person.

[First published on May 14, 2018] One of my character defects that led me to become addicted to alcohol was my longing for the past. I had a great life that eventually soured. I lost most of what I had lived for. Or so it seemed to me. I learned in group at Better Alternative Counseling ( https://www.facebook.com/Better-Alternative-Counseling-117661414962309/ ) that I needed to live in the moment. I couldn't return to the past, and I couldn't plan my way into someday getting back all I had "lost." Live in the moment! Here is a video that explains why living in the  moment is a healthy way of being. It lasts 4:16.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci4Wg6MFcT4 I rounded up a few quotes ( https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/live-in-the-moment ) you may find inspirational: “What day is it?" It's today," squeaked Piglet. My favorite day," said Pooh.”  ―  A.A. Milne “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find you

I once associated loving myself with narcism. Feeling humble seemed the opposite of loving me. Instead, I have learned that loving myself has to come before loving anyone else. I can't give away what I don't have. Poor self-image is one of those character defects that leads to drinking and alcoholism. From The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns (https://feelinggood.com/ ): "But changing the way you feel is only one of our goals. The other goal is self-acceptance. I want you to learn to accept and love yourself as a flawed and imperfect human. I want you to accept your strengths as well as your weaknesses without a sense of shame or embarrassment." And this from Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch ( http://www.nealedonaldwalsch.com/ ) : "You must see your Self as worthy before you can see another as worthy. You must first see your Self as blessed before you can see another as blessed. You must first know your Self to be holy before you can ack

Movies are fantasies. They might be animated, show superheroes in flight, depict people alone in wilderness, let us pretend to witness a night-time burglary.... I mean, like when two people are talking in a moving car, how do we see and hear them? It isn't really a moving car and we know at some conscious level that they are really actors in a fantasy for our entertainment, yet we gladly suspend reality to enjoy the scenes. And did you ever stop and think that the cameraman and crew would have stopped Norman Bates from stabbing that woman in the shower if her murder weren't make believe? Thank goodness for such on-screen fantasies to titillate our imaginations. Some fantasies don't involve scripts and directors and movie sets and our enjoyment. All that is required to live in some undesirable fantasies is alcohol: too much alcohol. I like to read the wisdom contained in personal narratives in the back of The Big Book. In "To Handle Sobriety" (page 559): &q

Milestones are important markers that tell us how far we have come. "Milestones were originally stone obelisks -- made from granite, marble, or whatever local stone was available -- and later concrete posts. They were widely used by Roman Empire road builders and were an important part of any Roman road"  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milestone#Roman_Empire We recognize milestones along our road to recovery. Thursday, my friend Judy celebrated her 11-year milestone. This week I made it to six months. At last, I got my blue chip! But only six months? Judy celebrated her own six months before she could  make it to 11 years, so I am inspired to keep working my program. Six months is highly significant to me on my never-ending road to sobriety. It marks the farthest I have ever traveled without slips and relapses ever since I first suspected I had a problem with alcohol. My milestone tells me how far I have come -- one day and one mile at a time.

Let's consider today the paradox of giving up alcohol. No one could make me quit. I had to have the desire to do it and then accept the guidance of A.A. and therapists. Yesterday's Daily Reflection called sobriety "an individual adventure, something which each one of us works out in his own way." True, but I can't do it myself. I need a sponsor. I need the support of other recovering alcoholics. I need the care and concern of my family. In my case, I need medication, professional therapists, psychiatrists, and a month of in-patient rehab. See the paradox? Recovery is an individual thing that we can't do alone.

"Meditation" used to be a scary word to me. I envisioned some bald-headed man sitting cross-legged on the floor chanting, "Ohmmm. Ohmmmm."Another lessoned learned in sobriety from A.A., counselors, and The Big Book is that I was meditating all along. I just didn't know it. To me, a quiet walk in the woods was calming. Years go, when I lived in Idaho, the highlight of my existence was going to the mountains to camp and hike. When I couldn't go to the mountains, I found contentment walking with my dog beyond my backyard to the sage-covered hillsides any time of year. The ravine there was the greatest quiet I ever didn't hear. Sometimes I thought about my higher power of the time and I even prayed. Some of those prayers were for myself, but at least I was praying. And unknowingly, I was meditating. These days I meditate in the quiet of my house, at A.A, before a meeting starts, and when I'm in the car. As Mark said at A.A. today, prayer is askin

At my A.A. homegroup Monday, the topic swung to the difference between striving for something and  achieving perfection. A couple of people vaguely recalled something Thomas Merton wrote. After entering a Trappist monastery, Merton became a prolific writer about contemplation, Catholic spirituality, social justice, and politics. His political writings focused on non-violent resistance in combating social, racial, and injustice in the 1960s. He died in 1968. We weren't sure what Merton wrote about striving and perfection, so I looked it up. His quotes echo The Big Book, page 60: "We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines." The following speaks clearly to me about my sobriety and my relationship to God. Reading it is a "Wow!" moment:

We are getting into the time of year when Mom used to warn I better be good or Santa Claus wouldn't come bring me presents. I don't know if those warnings made me better behaved, but it sure didn't hurt. I was taking no chances. Mom wouldn't lie. Somehow, Santa was at the North Pole making a list and checking it twice, monitoring me all day, and then deciding if I had been a good boy. Something similar happened all year in regard to church. Sunday school teachers, preachers, Bible readings, and parents all warned me I had to be good if I wanted to get into heaven. It wasn't clear if that meant not stealing or murdering, or if picking up my toys made me good enough in God's eye. St. Peter was like Santa, keeping a check list to show to God when I died and appeared at the pearly gates. Could I stay "up there," or would I be sent someplace underground to burn in eternal damnation? Scary stuff, for sure. When I got older and found that Santa didn&#

If I ever needed a stiff drink it's now, watching my Louisville Cardinals being disemboweled on TV by Clemson. I'm kidding about the drink but, unfortunately, not about the game. When you watch football and consider a drink because of heartbreak or celebration, don't do it. I found something else to consider. Everyone is familiar with the crime of driving under the influence. According to Alcohol Rehab Guide ( https://www.alcoholrehabguide.org/alcohol/crimes/ ) drinking to excess can lead to other criminal acts: About 15% of all robberies are traced to alcohol use. "Alcohol can intensify a robber's feeling of desperation and cause them to steal someone's money or property." Some 37% of sexual assaults can be traced to drinking. "For perpetrators, drinking may intensify their aggressive behavior. This can make them become more forceful when someone tries to resist them." Approximately 27% of aggravated assaults are committed by people who ha

I want to take a look at a testimonial in The Big Book, because it speaks of me and my story. It was written by a pioneer member of Akron's  A.A. group, the first in the world. The account begins on page 182. "My case is rather unusual in one respect. There were no childhood episodes of unhappiness to account for my alcoholism. I had, seemingly, just a natural affinity for grog." I had to look up "grog." It is "a mixture of rum and water, often flavored with lemon, sugar, and spices.... (or) any strong alcoholic drink." That's my Bartending 101 lesson for today. To continue with the story: "My marriage was happy, and I never had any of the reasons, conscious or unconscious, which are often given for drinking.... "Before my drinking had cut me down completely, I achieved a considerable measure of success.... But of course, this all went down the drain with my increased drinking." Alas, there goes me. An alcoholic can be a su