Corking the Bottle

I found this in my notes about character defects that I wrote down four years ago. Don't take credit for the good or blame for the bad. Learn from the bad and change it; build on the good. Don't look back. You can only change the present, never the past. Satchel Paige said it better: "Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you." Stay in the now. I've written before about mindfulness and how important it is in my struggles against character defects. Look here for some tips about mindfulness, living in the moment.    https://www.wikihow.com/Live-in-the-Moment

Cindy said something at A.A. that I thought was very perceptive. She usually goes on about her health, her daughter, and her mother. This goes to show it pays to always be listening or some valuable gem might remain unearthed. "I feel sorry for people out there who don't drink," Cindy said, "because it's so much harder for them to find themselves." Hey, I was lost for a long time and didn't even know it. I probably still would be wandering among the tall weeds if I hadn't found God, and thus myself, as I sobered from drinking. Working the Twelve Steps was eye-opening. I think most important to me were the Fourth Step and Fifth Step. I made a moral inventory of myself, looking deep inside of me to identify my shortcomings. Then I admitted to myself, to God, and to another human being (my sponsor) those wrongs I identified in Step Four. I still work on my flaws. Before, I didn't recognize those flaws, so how the heck was I supposed to imp...

(Reprinted from my blog post August 11, 2018) Until digital photography came of age, I was into 35 mm color slides; thousands and thousands of them, starting in 1974. When I got a developed box of slides back from the store, I dragged out my Bell & Howell projector and my folding screen and projected the latest chapter of my life for all to see -- if they didn't sneak out when I lowered the lights. I no longer need to project color slides but am now aware of another way I project. Sometimes I project my own shortcomings onto others instead of taking ownership of the character defects in myself. I can use my wife, Kathy, to show you what I mean about projection. She never reads my blog, so I can write whatever I want about her.  😈 My personality has changed during my attempts at sobriety, which includes A.A. meetings, therapy, and reading. I see better now my faults I wasn't aware of before. I am working on those I know about. One is a need to always be smart and righ...

(Reprinted from my blog post July 29, 2018) I can't remember whether it was in high school or college when I stumbled through the pages of  Candide , an 18th century novel by Voltaire. I only remember this haunting sentence, repeated over and over when Candide confronts any horrific event: "All is for the best in this best of all possible worlds." That satirical refrain stuck with me, I guess, because I didn't know if I agreed with Candide's naivete or Voltaire's mockery of that philosophy. Take alcoholism, for example. The degradation of personality and health doesn't fit into a "best of all possible worlds." I felt embarrassed among friends and family and hated myself with a hatred I thought I could never forgive. Then I found God again. I believed I had found him every time before I relapsed, but the wicked voice inside me, tempting me, was stronger than God's. This current stretch of sobriety feels much different. For the first ...

This is June, the sixth month. A.A.'s Daily Reflections relate to Step Six: "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." Let's look at Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions , an A.A. book often called the 12 and 12. The chapter about Step Six tells all of us how we can rid ourselves, not only of alcohol, but of all of the inner demons that bedevil us. The solution is God. Turn all our defects, including addictions, over to God. It means waving our white flag and surrendering. "Sure, I was beaten, absolutely licked. My own willpower just wouldn't work on alcohol. (My own footnote: Add A.A., therapy, group therapy, inpatient treatment, and my wife's anger to this list.) I simply couldn't stop drinking, and no human being could seem to do the job for me. But when I became willing to clean house and then asked a Higher Power, God as I understood Him, to give me release, my obsession to drink vanished. It was lifted right out o...

More stuff I wrote down at A.A. meetings: "A.A. isn't a religious program. Religion is for people trying to get to heaven. A.A. is a spiritual place for people who have been to hell and don't want to go back." (from the late Cecil) About character defects: "Don't take credit for the good or blame for the bad.Change the bad and build on the good. Don't look back. You can only change the present, not the past." "God gives us the gift of brokenness so we can be healed and find joy." "I can be locked up, sobered up, or covered up." Another from Cecil, quoting Patton: "He who angers me conquers me." "Pride isn't feeling better than others. It's feeling good about yourself." "The bottom is simply when you quit digging and lay down your shovel." 6 + 3 = 9. So does 5 + 4. The key is to get to 9 no matter what route you take." "My happiness depends only on me and my relation...

[First published July 29, 2018] I can't remember whether it was in high school or college when I stumbled through the pages of  Candide , an 18th century novel by Voltaire. I only remember this haunting sentence, repeated over and over when Candide confronts any horrific event: "All is for the best in this best of all possible worlds." That satirical refrain stuck with me, I guess, because I didn't know if I agreed with Candide's naivete or Voltaire's mockery of that philosophy. Take alcoholism, for example. The degradation of personality and health doesn't fit into a "best of all possible worlds." I felt embarrassed among friends and family and hated myself with a hatred I thought I could never forgive. Then I found God again. I believed I had found him every time before I relapsed, but the wicked voice inside me, tempting me, was stronger than God's. This current stretch of sobriety feels much different. For the first time, I unde...

Discovering character defects means coming face to face with the bad "us." Until I take action to admit my defects to God, myself, and another human being (Step 5) and then relegate ooops'es solely to the rearview mirror, I am stuck with staring down the ugly me. How to I refrain from beating myself up for what suddenly seems to be obvious flaws? A book I have read twice is  Awakening in Time  by Jacquelyn Small  (https://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Time-Journey-Codependence-Co-Creation/dp/0939344181/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1544474202&sr=1-2&keywords=awakening+in+time ). She gets a bit heady for me with chakras and their respective glands and colors (whatever all that means), but I highlighted many parts of the book to refer to later. One such passage helps me accept myself, defects and all: "From the Higher Self's perspective, I do not judge my weaknesses and vulnerabilities as 'bad;' I simply note them for what they are -- with c...

[First published May 28, 2018] Beaver Falls (Pa.) Senior High School (now middle school) I am Facebook friends with many people I graduated high school with 45 years ago. Some of them I hung around with in school and out. But many of them I barely knew. Some I can't remember at all. But each one brings to the keyboard some kind of wisdom. They are parents and grandparents. Some have strong political views. Some have good jobs. Some, like me, are retired. All have contributed to society and other former classmates in some way. When I was in high school, I rarely and barely spoke to some of these "friends." If they weren't getting all A's and B's in the classroom, as I was, they wouldn't amount to much after graduation. Was I right or was I right? I figured they would end up working on a steel mill floor, waiting on customers at  Kaufman's, or dumping trash cans into a truck. Yes, I was  that  arrogant! I still had a touch of better-than-y...

Mindfulness is a tool I keep practicing to keep myself sober. I began drinking too much because memories of my wonderful past life had changed. Those good times were gone forever, forcing me to lay out a revised road map for my future life. Sadly, I felt better when I drank. Then I came to learn that mindfulness is something I need. Mindfulness, in part, is paying attention to the present and finding contentment there. A Harvard study found the average person's mind is wandering 47% of the time. That means almost half of our lives is missing. Transformation to being mindful can't be achieved by sheer willpower. It requires focus, meditation, and practice. Practice, practice, practice. What you practice grows stronger. Mindfulness strengthens our immune system, decreases stress, and helps us sleep better. When I drank, I was fighting all the positive things that should have been happening in my mind and body. I came to feel ashamed of myself. I thought, no big deal. I'...

Until digital photography came of age, I was into 35 mm color slides; thousands and thousands of them, starting in 1974. When I got a developed box of slides back from the store, I dragged out my Bell & Howell projector and my folding screen and projected the latest chapter of my life for all to see -- if they didn't sneak out when I lowered the lights. I no longer need to project color slides but am now aware of another way I project. Sometimes I project my own shortcomings onto others instead of taking ownership of the character defects in myself. I can use my wife, Kathy, to show you what I mean about projection. She never reads my blog, so I can write whatever I want about her.  😈 My personality has changed during my attempts at sobriety, which includes A.A. meetings, therapy, and reading. I see better now my faults I wasn't aware of before. I am working on those I know about. One is a need to always be smart and right about everything. As I try to work on that...

I can't remember whether it was in high school or college when I stumbled through the pages of Candide , an 18th century novel by Voltaire. I only remember this haunting sentence, repeated over and over when Candide confronts any horrific event: "All is for the best in this best of all possible worlds." That satirical refrain stuck with me, I guess, because I didn't know if I agreed with Candide's naivete or Voltaire's mockery of that philosophy. Take alcoholism, for example. The degradation of personality and health doesn't fit into a "best of all possible worlds." I felt embarrassed among friends and family and hated myself with a hatred I thought I could never forgive. Then I found God again. I believed I had found him every time before I relapsed, but the wicked voice inside me, tempting me, was stronger than God's. This current stretch of sobriety feels much different. For the first time, I understand what A.A. people mean when t...

Discovering character defects means coming face to face with the bad "us." Until I take action to admit my defects to God, myself, and another human being (Step 5) and then relegate ooops'es solely to the rearview mirror, I am stuck with staring down the ugly me. How to I refrain from beating myself up for what suddenly seems to be obvious flaws? A book I have read twice is Awakening in Time by Jacquelyn Small (https://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Time-Journey-Codependence-Co-Creation/dp/0939344181/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1544474202&sr=1-2&keywords=awakening+in+time ). She gets a bit heady for me with chakras and their respective glands and colors (whatever all that means), but I highlighted many parts of the book to refer to later. One such passage helps me accept myself, defects and all: "From the Higher Self's perspective, I do not judge my weaknesses and vulnerabilities as 'bad;' I simply note them for what they are -- with com...

I am Facebook friends with many people I graduated high school with 45 years ago (almost to the exact day!). Some of them I hung around with in school and out. But many of them I barely knew. Some I can't remember at all. But each one brings to the keyboard some kind of wisdom. They are parents and grandparents. Some have strong political views. Some have good jobs. Some, like me, are retired. All have contributed to society and other former classmates in some way. When I was in high school, I rarely and barely spoke to some of these "friends." If they weren't getting all A's and B's in the classroom, as I was, they wouldn't amount to much after graduation. Was I right or was I right? I figured they would end up working on a steel mill floor, waiting on customers at  Kaufman's, or dumping trash cans into a truck. Yes, I was that arrogant! I still had a touch of better-than-youism when I started with AA. At least there, I knew we all shared at ...