Corking the Bottle

Are you still drinking? Do you think you want to stop? The first step is -- well, it's Step One. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable." Notice nothing in this first of the 12 Steps says don't drink. It's merely an admission that alcohol has crippled our lives and we are spiraling out of control. A.A.'s Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions points out that none of us wants to admit defeat in anything, least of all defeat in our own precious lives. But coming to terms with our powerlessness over the demon rum is essential to taking back control of ourselves. "We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built." Happy. Purposeful. Sound enticing?

Hoo boy! What did I do last night? What did I say and to whom did I say it? The following is from a blog, My Life After AA, that I like. I left the run-on sentence in the second paragraph intact. LOL "When we think about our active days of alcoholism how many times did we wake up the next morning worrying oh boy what did we say?  Were we guilty of those 'loose lips?' Probably more than we care to admit. We used to say mouth in gear brain in neutral which in the vernacular helps explain how our thoughts and actions and our mouths operated when the social lubricant, alcohol, roamed about freely in our bloodstream. Today we know better most of the time. Of course there will be exceptions now that we have joined the world of the earthlings but every now and then those “loose lips” may come back to bite us. Fortunately today we have our wits and can make immediate amends and are spared a longer embarrassment.   "I am so grateful that my Higher Power has given me t

Jeannette knows fear first-hand because she also knows love -- unconditionally. Love and fear can magnify one another when they meet in our hearts at the same time. She told us at A.A. last week that she very nearly relapsed and that she is extremely thankful she didn't. Her daughter, maybe 10 or 12, calls Jeannette every day after school. She tells if she is coming straight home or, sometimes, if she is stopping off at a friend's. One day she didn't call at all. Jeannette called her daughter's phone. Again and again. No answer, Just voicemail. She called her older daughter, who didn't know where her sister could be. Jeannette called the police, who reassured her that the little girl was probably fine. They said to call back if she didn't hear from her for 24 hours. Jeannette frantically called everyone she could think of who might know her daughter's whereabouts. Some neighbors dropped in to try to comfort Jeannette, who by this time was approaching d

I share this from the Faces and Voices of Recovery Group. T. Rose Rcvry This is very true,  😔  and we all have felt enormous pressure when we began r journey out of hell. The stigma attached to addiction is terrible, but we can ignore it all knowing that we are growing, see ur strength each day as we move our lives forward, we are bad-ass, & we r warriors!  🤺  unlike what the average person could understand. Stand ur ground today and claim a new life, one filled w happiness even on those days filled w obstacles. 1 day in recovery .. even on a bad day... is far better than 1 day in  💀  hell. 🌹 🦋 💜 ❤ Rose

Did you see this on the news? This is what can happen if we drive drunk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klPbCHrIxdM Any doubt that God saved the lives of this family?

A big hammer in my sobriety toolbox is a drug called Antabuse, or Disulfiram. It's supposed to make me very sick if I ingest any alcohol. Others who have dared test the drug tell me: Don't test the drug! I could drink if I stopped taking it for five days. But my problem has been spur-of-the-moment bottle buying. I'm not going to plan to drink five days from now. But two pharmacies have told me Antabuse no longer is manufactured. What's up with that? It must have been profitable because my insurance was paying $1,785 a month for it. I'm waiting until my doctor returns from vacation later this week to ask him about alternatives. Meanwhile, I posted a question on Teva Pharmaceuticals website. I will let you know if I get an answer.

Kathy and I went camping last week at Spring Mill State Park in southern Indiana. It gets its name from the mill there that has operated since the 19th Century, powered by a spring that flows from a cave at the upper end of a flume. Such mills grind grain between two millstones: "a pair of circular stones between which grain or another substance is ground." The name of the lodge at the park is called The Millstone. But millstone has another definition: "any heavy mental or emotional burden (often used in the phrase a millstone around one's neck)." I went to school with a girl named Millstone. Even back then I thought that was an unfortunate surname. But change the "l" to an "e" and the word becomes "milestone, which is something very different. A milestone is "a significant event or stage in life, progress, development, or the like of a person. nation, etc." Drinking was my millstone until I got the "l" away f

I attended a retreat today for members of the community council for a service group. One exercise was to take the word "run" and write several words we associate with it. As a former long-distance runner, my words were things like marathon, jog, trot, trophy, fitness, exercise. Across the room sat a Metro Councilman. His words had to do with election, meeting, chairman, campaign, vote. He and I own different perspectives and backgrounds. He lives in the same neighborhood as me, but in a sense, he comes from a different place. That's an important learning for me, who still struggles sometimes with people who are radically different. I'm more understanding and less judgemental than I used to be, but I still have to deal with a few trolls under my bridge. "Trolls aren't bad people; they're just people I don't really understand. Here's the deal: it's how we treat the trolls in our lives that will let us know how far along we are in our faith

Here is food for thought if you're still working and not retired, like me. Funny word: retired . I don't work, so I find I have lots of energy in spite of my age. But if you still work, you probably find yourself tired , without the re-, at least some of the time. I found this in some stuff I've saved from various workshops and therapy. I don't remember where it came from. I don't remember a lot of things from my dark days. It is credited to that greatest of all writers, Anonymous. "Yes, I'm tired. For several years I've been blaming it on middle age, iron-poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, under-arm odor, yellow wax building up, and a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is worth living. "But now I find out, it isn't that. I'm tired because I'm overworked. "The population of this country is 200 million. Eighty-four million are retired. That leaves 116 mi

My cousin shared this article from NBC's TODAY on Facebook. Interesting.... By A. Pawlowski Many  women drink alcohol  to relax, feel good and take the edge off life, but new evidence suggests skipping that daily glass of wine is a better way to boost their mental health. Women who quit alcohol improved their mental well-being, researchers  reported in CMAJ  (Canadian Medical Association Journal). The study comes as many Americans are trying out an alcohol-free life as part of the “sober-curious” movement. “Our findings suggest caution in recommendations that moderate drinking could improve health-related quality of life,” Herbert Pang, one of the study co-authors and an assistant professor at the School of Public Health at The University of Hong Kong, told TODAY. “The risks and benefits of moderate drinking are not clear.” Instead, quitting drinking may be a better way to go when it comes to feeling calm and peaceful, added co-author Michael Ni in a statement....

I'm on a break so I'll make this fast. My wife drafted me to move furniture in the family room; not just move it, but tear it apart. Do you suppose I have any say? We have had a big curved couch for many years that took up space and made furniture rearranging -- call it "female nesting" -- more difficult. With little measuring and front-end planning, we lifted, tugged, pulled, and pushed to separate the couch into three sections. She just excused me while she empties the antique desk drawers so the large upright piece can be moved from that side of the room to this side. Then the middle section of the couch can fit where the desk was and the large recliner in the corner will be moved to my basement man cave -- if we can fit it down the narrow stairway. Note sarcasm and surrender. You don't care, and the details are unimportant to you. My point in all this is to: 1) vent, 2) talk about control, and 3) talk about change. Number 1 was taken care of by writing t

Jim says some clever things at my home A.A. meetings. I don't know if he reads them, hears them from others, or if he is really this clever. He called A.A. "the biggest organization no one ever wanted to come to." He's right. I sure didn't want to be a member. I resisted attending meetings for a long time until I felt like my marriage was about to be hammered, as I was. So I tried it. At my first meeting, the man next to me introduced me to the Big Book and paid halves for me. When I heard about sponsors, he agreed to be mine. When the leader asked if anyone was at his first A.A. meeting, I raised my hand and announced, "I'm Dan and I'm an alcoholic." Those there applauded and many introduced themselves to me and welcomed me after the meeting. It took me a few years of meetings and relapses before I found the road I'm on now, but A.A. members have been a help to me. I hope I have been a help to some of them. This is the kindest group

It was easy for me to quit drinking. All I had to do was commit to quit tomorrow, then pour another beverage. Unfortunately, tomorrows kept coming. The good news was I could keep on drinking today. There will be another tomorrow and I will quit then. Promise. Mindfulness is all about paying attention to here and now. We can't change the past or the future. Great! I will drink in the here and now and tomorrow I will quit drinking for always. Obviously there are more holes in this thinking than there are in a doughnut shop. Quit today. Now. That's what mindfulness is. Live in the moment, and the time to quit is right now . In this moment. Then do the same thing tomorrow and for the next 9,999 tomorrows. "Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year. He is rich who owns the day and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety...."      --Ralph Waldo Emerson

My problem was -- and always will be -- I don't know what I don't know. When I was starting out in my career, I made a lot of mistakes. Why? Because I didn't know. For instance, I thought my view of things was the right and only way. If only I could show others the way I was thinking, they would see I was right and would abandon their misconceptions. Even in high school, as editor of the school paper, I could fix things with a well-worded editorial. What's wrong with people who didn't see the errors of their thought process? It was that way with my drinking problem. I didn't know what I didn't know. I can do this, I thought. Mind over matter. I only will drink after 9 p.m. Easy. But home by myself all day and nowhere to go, why not start early? Just a little to ease my aloneness. Okay, so that didn't work. So I will only drink on weekends while I am watching sports on TV. But I found instant replays in the bottom of my glass. Okay, so that did

(Reprinted from my blog post August 12, 2018) Am I really an alcoholic? Augh, come on! Are you? Take this little test: "9 Signs of a functioning alcoholic" ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6XjguFZckA ). It's a short YouTube video, so it doesn't take any effort. Alas, I have or had all nine characteristics. Thank you, God, for helping me overcome my addiction, even if it is only for one day at a time. The narration sounds to me a lot like Ludwig von Drake. What do you think?

We're going camping in southern Indiana this morning. Spring Mill State Park has a recreated 19th century village, a working mill, trails, and a cave. Did you ever go camping with a left-over buzz? I have. It takes the entire camping adventure to feel decent again. I couldn't wait to get home and kill my discomfort with a drink -- or two or three. How nice it is, camping on these crisp autumn days! The leaves are just beginning to change color. Rocky, our little dog, is going with us. God, thank you for the beauty you created. And thank you for my sobriety.

Yesterday's post was made with my tongue in cheek. Sort of. Yes, I take my sports teams seriously. But of course other problems rate higher on my pain scale. Speaking of pain, my source yesterday was right about it. Carey Scott in  Unafraid  ( https://careyscott.org ) wrote, "The truth is the Lord isn't as concerned with your comfort as much as He is concerned about your character." That says to me that whenever little problems or life-changing disasters strike, it's not because God has abandoned us or wants to punish us. The opposite is true. "He allows hard things, knowing He can use them in powerful ways to accomplish His plans in you." I suffered through alcohol addiction so that God could teach me about myself, about others, and about His love for me and you. He was sorry I went through bad times, but he uses those bad times "to accomplish His plans" in me. What strength I draw from my weaknesses!

I am digesting a pretty-good book, Unafraid , by Carey Scott ( https://careyscott.org ). Today I want to relate something she wrote about pain: "The goal isn't avoiding pain -- that's not realistic or beneficial -- but instead allowing it to make us complete." I find that to be reassuring to me, a recovering alcoholic. It's especially comforting today after I just watched another Steelers loss.

(Reprinted from my blog post August 11, 2018) Until digital photography came of age, I was into 35 mm color slides; thousands and thousands of them, starting in 1974. When I got a developed box of slides back from the store, I dragged out my Bell & Howell projector and my folding screen and projected the latest chapter of my life for all to see -- if they didn't sneak out when I lowered the lights. I no longer need to project color slides but am now aware of another way I project. Sometimes I project my own shortcomings onto others instead of taking ownership of the character defects in myself. I can use my wife, Kathy, to show you what I mean about projection. She never reads my blog, so I can write whatever I want about her.  😈 My personality has changed during my attempts at sobriety, which includes A.A. meetings, therapy, and reading. I see better now my faults I wasn't aware of before. I am working on those I know about. One is a need to always be smart and righ

This was posted in one of my Facebook groups, Faces and Voices of Recovery. I want to share it with y'all. What are your walls? Walls hide us from knowing who we are - by blocking our Light. Until they come down, we will continue to cheat ourselves from knowing LOVE as our true state of being. We build most of our walls without even knowing it. They are built to protect and make sense out of our negative thoughts, emotions, and painful experience. Most begin to develop in childhood and continue to operate in the subconscious mind if not dealt with and healed. Our walls are made up of bricks that represent many different patterns of behaviors that keep us from living our best lives and keep those who care about us at a distance. Here are the bricks that made up my wall that kept me sick for many years: *   Shame was the largest section of my wall. Believing I was a mistake and not good enough. *   Addiction was my second largest section of the wall. My inabili

(Reprinted from my blog post August 9, 2018) I pray before A.A. meetings and group therapy sessions that God will help me receive relevant messages I need at the moment, and that I will be moved to share helpful words God wants someone in the room to hear and absorb. I have faith those prayers are answered. "The Bible tells us that when we plant seeds of faith in others' lives, we will have no idea how or when those seeds might actually take root and flourish. Your conversation today could lead to someone else's conversation tomorrow or next year." ( The Complete Idiot's Guide to Faith , by my high school buddy, Rev. Charles "Chuck" Moore,   https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Faith/dp/1592574947?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag=sa-b2c-new-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=1592574947 ) Case in point: A few weeks ago in my group discussion at Better Alternatives Counseling in Louisville, we go

"The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service. Within our wonderful new world, we have found freedom from our fatal obsession." -- A.A. Comes of Age I don't think I've written yet about how A.A. reminds me of church, but with one important difference. A.A. members come together to help themselves and to serve others. Church members do the same -- in theory at least. I would go on with the comparison, but I hope brevity will keep you reading to the end. The biggest difference between A.A. and church, in my mind, is that A.A. encourages us to worship a higher power: our higher power. Church tells us what we are supposed to believe. Now for the circle: A.A. and churches are like a second family to those of us involved. The circle, and the family, cannot be broken. There is no beginning and no end. Not anger nor hostilities can damage it. In my case, family is a big part of my

Be stronger than your strongest excuse. Jeff learned that and shared it at yesterday's noon A.A. meeting. He said he didn't feel like going to that meeting, but something happened -- miraculous, strange, coincidental. He didn't know, but whatever the cause, it's what brought him to the meeting to listen and be heard. His excuse for not going became weaker than he was. Jeff just got a new phone. It didn't have his directory or any kind of phone numbers in it. He claimed no one knew his new number. Then he got a call from a strange five-digit number. No identity. No message. Just a call. "I don't know what was going on, but I figured I better come to this meeting, just in case." We'll never know if God was calling. I don't know His number, so I can't say. It doesn't matter. Whatever it was made Jeff stop, check on himself, and attend an A.A. meeting. Is God calling you to do the right thing? Keep the line -- and your  mind --