Corking the Bottle

I've been going to A.A. meetings again the past two weeks as we ease out of coronavirus restrictions. At this morning's meeting, Darrell lamented his past. "I hated to look in the mirror. It looked like the lights were on but nobody was home."

Alcoholics Anonymous is a church, only freeer. "Freeer?" "More free" sounds better. Either way, I've come to see many similarities between A.A. and church congregations, but with important differences, too. In A.A., people come from different economic status, different races, different life stories, different backgrounds. Churches are like that too, but sadly some don't provide the diversity of A.A. Both are (or think they are) cordial and welcoming, and members attend for one reason: sobriety for one, worship for the other. Both preach helping others. Singleness of purpose (a Higher Power) glues both groups together. But A.A. and churches have some differences, for sure. A.A. has no structure, no hierarchical leadership, no paid positions. If A.A. were to tighten its ropes, it would lose the casual feel that cries, "Keep coming back." Churches have a way of complicating things. A.A. tells us to love God and people, act justly, lo...

Woe is me. I'm having a bad day. I was scheduled to have knee replacement surgery this week, but I was diagnosed with a staph infection on my hip. I don't know where that came from, but it means my surgery is postponed. Some days my knee isn't too bad. But on others, like today, it's hard to walk. Furthermore, I decided last week to stop going to A.A. meetings so I won't catch or pass the coronavirus. I texted my sponsor a moment ago to alert him that I don't plan to attend meetings for a while. I promised to call if I get a craving to drink. I don't expect that to happen. I haven't been tempted since my sobriety date last May. A.A. helps with that. Writing this blog helps. God helps me even more. I pray often to do His will through me. I'm fairly certain His will isn't for me to relapse. I am more-or-less homebound for now because it hurts to walk and I don't want to catch the coronavirus. I'm curious, dear readers, if yo...

I hesitated about going to my usual Thursday night A.A. group. I'm glad I did. I was told about online A.A. meetings. This sounded like a good alternative to being exposed to possible coronavirus carriers. Plus, next week, I am having knee replacement surgery and won't be able to dive for a month or two. Online meetings sound like a good option for someone homebound like me. Check it out.  http://aa-intergroup.org/directory.php This could be a valuable tool in your recovery process, especially during these unusual times.

Comments at the A.A. meeting I attended Thursday night got me to thinking about the coronavirus and how it might be particularly hazardous to us alcoholics. For example, I used to be an impulse drinker. Even though I was trying to stop, I could find excuses to buy another bottle. The coronavirus seems like a good excuse to people who may be like I was. "What the heck. I might get sick. I might be quarantined. I might choose on my own to stay home away from people. So I might as well stock up with whiskey and drink my way through the pandemic." My Thursday meeting was poorly attended. It might have been the storms in the area at the same time. Maybe people were staying away from others to avoid illness. What I do know is that a week ago we had more at that meeting than ever before. I hear many alcoholics say they have to go to A.A. to stay well-grounded and sober. What will happen to such people if others stop going? More likely, what if churches where some meetings a...

I learned online today about existential therapy. ( https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/existential-therapy ) I don't know that it's anything new, but it is a new term to add to my psychotherapeutic vocabulary. Existential therapy can be described as an emphasis on free will and self-determination, centering on the individual instead of on the symptom. The approach emphasizes one's capacity to make rational decisions. It stresses that: All people have the capacity for self-awareness; Each person has a unique identity that can be known only through relationships with others; People must continually re-create themselves because life's meaning constantly changes; Anxiety is a fact of life. Existential therapy is useful in dealing with "psychological problems" like substance abuse. The approach deals with people's inability to make choices about how to live, alleviating gunk such as anxiety, apathy, alienation, shame, addiction, d...

"What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him?...You  believe that there is one God.... But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith, without works, is dead ?" --James 2: 14, 19-20 I wanted a sandwich for lunch today. I prayed for it and, because I feel like I have a close relationship with God, I had faith he would deliver me my sandwich. But no matter how much faith I have, God is no Jimmy John's. I had to rise from my chair, find my keys and wallet, and drive to the store. I told the man at the counter what I wanted, and he gave it to me. I had faith that he would and he did. But I had to take action to get that sandwich. Yes, someone would have delivered it, but that would have taken a phone call. Again, faith, without the work, doesn't put lunch in my belly. Are you praying for sobriety? Keep praying as you walk past the liquor store. Without action -- without attending A.A. meetings, wi...

If you're as old as I am, you might remember a time back in the hippie days when the country was fighting a winless war and our leaders were being assassinated and peace rallies turned into riots. We heard the cry many times from many places: God is dead! It seemed as though the world was out of control. The captain of the ship had stepped away from the wheel and we were sinking. There were no lifeboats, just sandbags. I was a kid then. I thought that's the way our existence would be forever. I knew no other social environment. Maybe, I wondered, God really is dead. I know better now. Sometimes God does step away from the wheel. That's the way my dad taught me to ride a bike: by holding me up and then, without a word, letting me pedal on my own while staying a safe distance behind to catch me. The following is from a book, Coming Clean , by Seth Haines ( https://modernmrsdarcy.com/books/coming-clean-a-story-of-faith/ ). The passage is a little long for this blog ...

I have an A.A. friend who is a murderer. I'll call him Fred. He isn't afraid to talk about what he did. It's probably good therapy. I'm going to tell an abbreviated version of his story here that's meant to be a disincentive to drive drunk and to drink at all, period. Fred woke up one day in a hospital. He had been in a coma and couldn't remember anything. He was told he had been in a serious car accident, but he could remember nothing about it. Then they told them a person in the other car died. When Fred was discharged from the hospital, he was taken straight to jail, then convicted. He served 11 years in prison. Worse than that, he took a life and permanently changed the lives of the victim's family and friends. He didn't say if the deceased was man or woman, young or old, a parent, a knowledgeable worker someplace.... But it was a snuffed-out life caused by another's drinking. I feel sorry for Fred. He has to carry that guilt with him th...

I went to church last Sunday. A woman from a halfway house who designated me as her life coach wanted me to go with her and her father. I don't know if I will go again this week. Maybe if I am invited. Definitely not if I'm not asked. It's a Baptist church, very well attended last week. Sure, people were nice. But only three welcomed me and introduced themselves. Of course I didn't approach them. I was a stranger playing on their home field. A.A. people are more friendly. Maybe because it's not a clique. Maybe because we know we automatically have something in common. We all are there for the same reason. Correct me if I am wrong, but church people are church people for various reasons. Some are there to praise and thank God. Some are there for the music, some for the sermon. Others want to socialize. Some want to be seen. Some seek forgiveness, some give gratitude to the Lord. There are those who don't give God much thought until same time next week. ...

I was baptised and raised in a Presbyterian church, and continued to attend when I moved away to Idaho and Washington. I don't go anymore. I find the similarities between church and A.A. to be curious. Going to church and going to A.A. bring people with similar beliefs together with mostly the same goal in mind: To serve and to help others and to find God. There's a fellowship in both, even though attendees come from differing backgrounds. (When I was growing up, our congregation was professional and white, and that includes the college students who walked from nearby. My perception is that churches are more diverse, as A.A. is, these days.) The big difference I see is that A.A. doesn't tell you what you have to believe in. Churches insist the bible is the word of God, despite various interpretations of scripture. Believe as they do, or your next stop is hell. A.A. says believe in whatever works for you. I like that. I have formed solid beliefs about our spiritual se...

This is a challenging post to write. If I tell the whole story, I will threaten the anonymity of an A.A.newcomer. But I'm going to try, because the serendipity with which God works is blatantly obvious in what is happening in her life. I was friends with a family 20 years ago. More precisely, I had a love and concern for the children, who I saw growing up in a high-risk environment. I later watched the kids pass into adulthood from a distance, with occasional contact with some who demonstrated sad results of their troubled childhoods. I didn't come to know one of the kids because she was just a baby then, waddling through the house wearing only a diaper -- or less. Later, I heard some heart-breaking, second- and third-hand stories about her as she grew. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." She and her siblings were among those "things." Through Facebook, her father confided concerns for the now-young woman. She came up ...

Here are some interesting statements from A.A. meetings. Donna said it's a big deal just to do her own laundry now that she is sober. I can say the same thing about keeping the house clean and doing yard work. Someone said once that becoming sober is like adolescence. That's an interesting metaphor. Our bodies and minds are going through major changes. Sometimes emotions take over. We might have a desire to go back -- to our childhoods or to using. It feels like the discomfort is permanent despite what others tell us. Remember, not even mountains last forever. Adolescence passed and so will this. Bill found his work became his new addiction. It enabled him to avoid family and alcohol, but something still was missing. He started going back to A.A. meetings, and I assume he found what he needed. Like all of us, he rediscovered the support and personal accountability we find at A.A. The meetings strengthen our spirituality, restore ourselves, and provide opportunities to hel...

Many enter A.A. afraid of the steps that relate to God, a Higher Power. As I think back, it seems to me I always had a Higher Power. That Higher Power was me. I had control of my life and most of the things that happened to me. At least I told myself I did. I tried to exercise power over my family and others and came to feel that if they didn't recognize my power, it must be proof of their own weakness. Thankfully, that's an exaggeration. Yeah, I had a superiority complex, but I knew I wasn't God. I use this hyperbole (I hope it's hyperbole!) to make a point.  Alcoholics working the steps have to believe in a power greater than themselves. With no power above them, it means they must have been responsible for creating the earth, breathing life into the lungs of all creatures, and giving birth to Jesus, who needed paddling and time-outs often while growing up. Hyperbole again. But here's the thing: Did God, the creator, die and leave the universe on autopilot...

Yesterday I printed A.A.'s tips to keep your holiday season sober and joyous. I thought of some ideas the people at A.A. apparently missed: Be like a lawyer and pass the bars. Wear overstuffed mittens at all parties to prevent picking up liquid temptations. If you've been working on the railroad, hide all spikes before they can be added to the punch. Use bourbon balls to make eyes in your snowman. If it's a large package of bourbon balls, make lots of snowmen. If someone gifts you a bottle of wine, buy a boat and christen it. Rudolph's nose might be red from drinking too much. Keep your own nose its natural color. If you feel tempted to take a drink, go out in the cold, where you can stay so-brrrr. If you get lost in the snow and a St. Bernard with a keg around its neck finds you, sniff contents of keg before consuming. If Grandma gets run over by a reindeer, breathalyze the reindeer and call an attorney. Keep singing the words to John Lennon's Christma...

Someone distributed sheets of paper on the tables at A.A. today, labeled "Twelve Tips on Keeping Your Holiday Season Sober and Joyous." I thought I would pass along these tips to you, slightly abridged, in case you are tempted to make your Christmas too jolly. Line up A.A. activities for the holiday season. Volunteer. Be host to A.A. friends, especially newcomers. At least invite them to meet you for coffee. Keep your A.A. telephone list handy with you at all times. Find out about any special A.A. holiday parties, meetings, or other celebrations. Skip any drinking occasion you are nervous about. "And lead us not into temptation." If you have to go to a drinking party and can't take an A.A. with you, keep some candy handy. Don't think you have to stay someplace late. Have an exit excuse ready. Worship in your own way. Don't sit around brooding. Catch up on books, museums, walks, and letters. Don't start now getting worked up about holid...

Let's take a statement out of context. "Everything I needed was provided." After you got sober and stayed sober, is this a statement that pertains to you? Does your Higher Power give you everything you need? If not, what is missing? What do you need -- I repeat, need -- in your life you are not receiving? I thought about this, and you know, I can't think of  a thing I need that isn't already mine. Christmas is two weeks from today. I expect to find things I can use under the tree, but nothing in the wrapping will be anything I need . Realizing that all my needs are being met adds to my peace and serenity. Maybe it helps that I live in a nice house with plenty to eat, a warm bed at night, a loving family, two cars, a cell phone, yada yada. But what about the man living under a highway? If he is a recovering alcoholic or former addict and now uses no more, is God meeting his needs? Hmmm, That sounds like something worth some research. Is the recovering alc...

If you find yourself digging a deeper and deeper hole, the logical first step is to get rid of the shovel. Then you can plan how to get out. "You hit bottom when you stop digging," the Big Book says on page 325. As long as that shovel was available, however, I was determined  to keep digging. I didn't really want to stop, even though I told others I did. A narrative in the Big Book, "It might Have Been Worse," describes our predicament. "Again I promised to do something about it (drinking). Broken promises, humiliation, hopelessness, worry, anxiety -- but still not enough (to make me lay down my shovel).... "Like all alcoholics I wanted to handle my problem my own way, which really meant I didn't want anything to interfere with my drinking. I was trying to find an easier, softer way." Right in front of me was God. He had been there the hole time, waiting for me to find the answers on my own. He isn't an easier, softer answer, bu...

I don't mean to insult the religion or spirituality of your choice, but I feel like I have to point something out: Many Christians believe their religion is the only true way to worship. Jews claim to be the chosen people. What's up with that? We have a right to our beliefs, but we should allow others the right to theirs. Isn't it right to have that right? I don't know if my spiritual beliefs are true any more than you do. All I do know is that God guides my life. That's good enough for me. If your scripture claims I am headed to hell for faith different than yours, I'm sorry you are afflicted with spiritual perfectionism. I thought about this today because of a post in Faces and Voices of Recovery. Please read it, consider it, and try to see what I mean: Paul Noiles  shared a  post . Trust me I know.  🤣 Here are  a few examples of Spiritual Perfectionism: 1) My spiritual practice is not good enough unless...

Church was a big part of my life growing up. God wasn't. I have learned that both can exist without the other. Now I don't go to church. But I do have God in my life. As I said yesterday, I am going through the testimonials in the back of the Big Book. A passage from "The Missing Link" describes the link that I used to be missing in my life as well: "Following this spiritual path made a major difference in my life. It seemed to fill that lonely hole that I used to fill with alcohol. My self-esteem improved dramatically, and I knew happiness and serenity as I had never known it before, I started to see the beauty and usefulness in my own existence, and tried to express my gratitude through helping others in whatever ways I could. A confidence and faith entered my life and unraveled a plan for me that was bigger and better than I could have ever imagined." I passed along this message at my A.A. meeting a little while ago. I felt God was telling me to s...