Corking the Bottle

Jim says some clever things at my home A.A. meetings. I don't know if he reads them, hears them from others, or if he is really this clever. He called A.A. "the biggest organization no one ever wanted to come to." He's right. I sure didn't want to be a member. I resisted attending meetings for a long time until I felt like my marriage was about to be hammered, as I was. So I tried it. At my first meeting, the man next to me introduced me to the Big Book and paid halves for me. When I heard about sponsors, he agreed to be mine. When the leader asked if anyone was at his first A.A. meeting, I raised my hand and announced, "I'm Dan and I'm an alcoholic." Those there applauded and many introduced themselves to me and welcomed me after the meeting. It took me a few years of meetings and relapses before I found the road I'm on now, but A.A. members have been a help to me. I hope I have been a help to some of them. This is the kindest group...

(Reprinted from my blog post August 7, 2018) Excuse me, but I disagree with something. In the book  Staying Sober -- A Guide for Relapse Prevention , by Terrence Gorski and Merlene Miller, the authors seem to be saying that why we drink doesn't matter. Just attack the problem itself. "Searching for the cause of an addiction (such as emotional or family problems) is usually nonproductive. Treatment that recognizes the addiction as a primary condition rather than a symptom of something else, has been found to be most effective."  ( https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/293618.Staying_Sober ) My symptom is alcoholism. The disease is self-centeredness, unfulfilled dreams, regrets, and other character defects. As I work through my character defects, I will eliminate the resulting symptom. Let me draw an analogy. My car started going kerlunk kerlunk kertwottle. I couldn't solve the problem unless I knew the cause. Well, I never would figure out the cause unless I took...

When it comes to drinking, some people never quit until abstinence comes to them in the grave. Yet God sends us all a healthy way out. He gives us a chance. Nevertheless, "... many are called but, few are chosen." (Matthew 22:14) Why are few chosen? What does that mean? M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled offers this explanation: "As is common with grace, most reject this gift and do not heed the message. They do this in a variety of ways, all of which represent an attempt to avoid the responsibility for their illness." God gave me chance after chance to give up drinking, but I always came up with an excuse to relapse. The A.A. Big Book, in a personal testimony on page 293, observes, "I didn't want to drink that day but I took no action to insure against it. You see, I believe that we get more than one 'moment of grace' from God -- but it is up to us to seize the moment by taking action." Dr. Peck wrote that some, including most...

Jody relapsed the other night. She confessed tearfully at A.A. yesterday. It's not the first time she wept at a meeting. I can see she tries hard, but she is in the deadly clutches most of us experience as we try to stop drinking. Several times in several ways, others at the meeting consoled her by pointing out that when we slip or relapse, we never lose what we gained. We have acquired new knowledge, new people, and new understanding of ourselves. Jody is better off now than during her last relapse because she has resources she didn't have before. She now must recover from guilt, shame, and remorse. It's a hard road back. But at some point, that road straightens for us as long as we really want it to. Plus accepting God and His will for us will keep us on that straight road despite a few bumps and potholes.

Women's panel talk shows, news debates, and sports shows filling the gap between halves all annoy me. Participants all think they have something to say and they say it: loudly, over the voices of others. "Hear me! I am right and, furthermore, what I have to say is witty." When I face choices between actions I should follow, my brain erupts in a similar shouting match. Eventually, I come to hush the cacophony and sort through the voices to make a decision. Call it a hunch. Call it intuition. Call it a feeling, a sense. Call it the voice of God. No matter what you call it, I come to learn which inner voice to listen to. How about you? What voice is God's will, and what voice is mine trying to out-shout God? I find the best way to receive and carry out the right message, the solution to God's test, is to step back. Take a couple days off. Maybe a week. When I do that, I can act with more confidence I am following God's will. I ace His test! But not if I let t...

[First published June 4, 2018] I carry in my wallet at all times my six Defenses to fend off relapse temptations. Yours will be different than mine; you need to come up with what will help you. After I share my Defenses, I will then share a secret with you. 1. Do something else. Take a walk, go to a meeting, etc. 2. Read some self-help books, including but not limited to the Big Book. 3. Eat something spicy or sweet. 4. Call my sponsor or someone else who can help -- including my very own little sister. 5. Call my wife. 6. Start over with #1. Now for the secret I promised. Every time I relapse I ignore my six Defenses. I decided I wanted to drink and doggonit I don't want anything to stop me. After all, I can quit anytime, I will just drink a little at a time, I will only drink at night, I will only drink on weekends, blah blah blah. Write down your own defenses.  And then follow them!!!

With this post, I conclude a series that I hope will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. For me, I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terence T. Gorski, co-author of  Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). His research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and outpatient counseling; They had eventually relapsed to drinking despite 1-3. Symptoms and Warning  Signs of Relapse Phase 11 .  Alcohol and drug use. During this phase, you return to alcohol and drug use, try to...

I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terence T. Gorski, co-author of  Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and ou...

I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terence T. Gorski, co-author of  Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and out...

I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terence T. Gorski, co-author of  Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and out...

I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terence T. Gorski, co-author of  Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and out...

I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terence T. Gorski, co-author of Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and outp...

I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terrance T. Gorski, co-author of Staying Sober, identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober (https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and outpat...

I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terrance T. Gorski, co-author of  Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and outpatient ...

My problem in my addiction was relapsing, even though I meant well. Maybe if you recognize the symptoms from this series of blog posts, you will be able to break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terence T. Gorski, co-author of  Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and outpatient counseling; They had eventually relapsed to drinking despite 1-3. Symptoms and Warning  Signs of Relapse Phase 1: Inte...

When kids are incorrigible, we like to say, "Eh. It's only a phase." Relapse back to alcohol is only a phase, too, but not one we are likely to grow out of without help. When I relapsed, I grew into it and phased my way through an open sewer. I crawled out of the muck and now count myself among the lucky ones. You, your family, your friends also can be counted among the lucky if you recognize the 11 phases of relapse and do something to end the descent. Terrance T. Gorski, co-author of Staying Sober , identified the 11 phases in the book I have cited here before ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I can't just skim over them in a blog post, and to deal with all in one day would be too much to digest at once. Instead, I will dangle this teaser in front of you. Today, I will name all 11 phases of alcohol relapse. Then for the next 11 days, I will detail each for you. I hope you will find the series helpful enough to review again and again -...

Franco was a good dog. I got him at a farmers' market in Ohio just after moving to a mobile home where there was lots of room for him to run. I was living alone, and he became my best friend. One time we were walking near the creek that bordered the rural mobile home park. Franco wasn't on a leash. Something caught his attention in the brush up the creek. He perked his ears, and then started after it. "Franco!" I commanded. He stopped and looked at me. Then he looked back to the brush. Then he looked at me. Then he took off. I could see that he was weighing his options when I  told him to stop. Hmmm. Should I  return to my master's side and receive a pat on the head? Or should I run and explore an unknown something I can hear and smell? If I obey my master, I'll never know what I missed in the brush. If I chase the unknown temptation, my curiosity will be satisfied with just minor and short-lived repercussions. Sorry, master, but I'm going after th...

"I don't drink to get happy or forget the pain. I drink to stop the voices in my head."  -- Andrew Dice Clay I'm sorry for quoting a potty mouth like Dice Clay. But his words, in this instance, apply to the message I wanted to deliver to you today. I once drank because I wanted to. I didn't want to quit. When I finally came to the realization that I had to stop, I still didn't stop. I relapsed again and again. When I bought liquor, it wasn't some part of a big plan, because I was depressed, because I was celebratory, because I was hopeless, or because I was angry. I drank because the voices in my head told me to. "Come on," they said. "Prove to yourself you aren't an alcoholic." "You can just drink a little at a time and you won't get drunk." "Nobody will ever know." "You can drink only late at night and it will help you sleep better." "Don't let Kathy (my w...

Excuse me, but I disagree with something. In the book Staying Sober -- A Guide for Relapse Prevention , by Terrence Gorski and Merlene Miller, the authors seem to be saying that why we drink doesn't matter. Just attack the problem itself. "Searching for the cause of an addiction (such as emotional or family problems) is usually nonproductive. Treatment that recognizes the addiction as a primary condition rather than a symptom of something else, has been found to be most effective."  ( https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/293618.Staying_Sober ) My symptom is alcoholism. The disease is self-centeredness, unfulfilled dreams, regrets, and other character defects. As I work through my character defects, I will eliminate the resulting symptom. Let me draw an analogy. My car started going kerlunk kerlunk kertwottle. I couldn't solve the problem unless I knew the cause. Well, I never would figure out the cause unless I took it to an expert. The mechanic looked, diagnosed...

I carry in my wallet at all times my six Defenses to fend off relapse temptations. Yours will be different than mine; you need to come up with what will help you. After I share my Defenses, I will then share a secret with you. 1. Do something else. Take a walk, go to a meeting, etc. 2. Read some self-help books, including but not limited to the Big Book. 3. Eat something spicy or sweet. 4. Call my sponsor or someone else who can help -- including my very own little sister. 5. Call my wife. 6. Start over with #1. Now for the secret I promised. Every time I relapse I ignore my six Defenses. I decided I wanted to drink and doggonit I don't want anything to stop me. After all, I can quit anytime, I will just drink a little at a time, I will only drink at night, I will only drink on weekends, blah blah blah. Write down your own defenses. And then follow them!!!