Corking the Bottle

There's nothing wrong with being afraid. Face fear. Find love, says Elizabeth Gilbert. https://insighttimer.com/elizabeth_gilbert_writer/guided-meditations/facing-fear-with-a-compassionate-heart?fbclid=IwAR1wiZP4cJX-uyPbBavbNCqZbFWwsqCm8pBlAdTYGvLpWspKPA08y8ZOXsw&utm_campaign=app-share&utm_medium=GuidedMeditation&_branch_match_id=774680537262589907&utm_source=Email

Jeannette knows fear first-hand because she also knows love -- unconditionally. Love and fear can magnify one another when they meet in our hearts at the same time. She told us at A.A. last week that she very nearly relapsed and that she is extremely thankful she didn't. Her daughter, maybe 10 or 12, calls Jeannette every day after school. She tells if she is coming straight home or, sometimes, if she is stopping off at a friend's. One day she didn't call at all. Jeannette called her daughter's phone. Again and again. No answer, Just voicemail. She called her older daughter, who didn't know where her sister could be. Jeannette called the police, who reassured her that the little girl was probably fine. They said to call back if she didn't hear from her for 24 hours. Jeannette frantically called everyone she could think of who might know her daughter's whereabouts. Some neighbors dropped in to try to comfort Jeannette, who by this time was approaching d...

(First published June 22, 2018) It must have been the first time I watched  The Wizard of Oz . I was in first grade or younger; my sister was a year and a half younger than I. When the witch came on the screen -- although all we had was a black-and-white TV -- she was still scary enough that I can remember how that fear felt. My sister hid behind the couch and cried. I still feel fear, but it's a different kind. That movie was fight-or-flight fear. I felt threatened by danger, even though the danger was irrational. My fears these days remain irrational fears, like, will I make someone mad? Will people not like me? Will my kids give up on their alcoholic father? According to Dr. David D. Burns in  The Feeling Good Handbook ( https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Handbook-David-Burns-1999-10-28/dp/B017MYK3SU/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1529692806&sr=8-4&keywords=feeling+good+handbook ) , fear must be dealt with head-on. "When you avoid frightening situations, you simp...

Everything happens for a reason. We hear it said often. Sometimes the reason becomes instantly apparent; sometimes it never does. But God truly is working miracles, whether clear to us or not. Today's A.A. Daily Reflection is an example of God obviously working through someone and his fear: "... During the first three years of sobriety I had a fear of entering an elevator alone. One day I decided I must walk through this fear. I asked for God's help, entered the elevator, and there in the corner was a lady crying. She said that since her husband had died she was deathly afraid of elevators. I forgot my fear and comforted her. This spiritual experience helped me to see how willingness was the key to working the rest of the Twelve Steps to recovery. God helps those who help themselves." Then there is the young woman I tried to help since childhood. She simply couldn't break her heroin addiction and she died last month. On the surface, it seemed she accomplishe...

[First published June 22, 2018] It must have been the first time I watched  The Wizard of Oz . I was in first grade or younger; my sister was a year and a half younger than I. When the witch came on the screen -- although all we had was a black-and-white TV -- she was still scary enough that I can remember how that fear felt. My sister hid behind the couch and cried. I still feel fear, but it's a different kind. That movie was fight-or-flight fear. I felt threatened by danger, even though the danger was irrational. My fears these days remain irrational fears, like, will I make someone mad? Will people not like me? Will my kids give up on their alcoholic father? According to Dr. David D. Burns in  The Feeling Good Handbook ( https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Handbook-David-Burns-1999-10-28/dp/B017MYK3SU/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1529692806&sr=8-4&keywords=feeling+good+handbook ) , fear must be dealt with head-on. "When you avoid frightening situations, you simp...

I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terence T. Gorski, co-author of  Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and out...

I blogged September 1 about shame. People suffering panic attacks do so out of a fear of being shamed in front of others. Instead of facing such fears, some run away to mind-numbing drinks and drugs. I blogged about the need to run toward fears and not away from them on August 30. Have a look back. Today I hope to visit anxiety, fear, and shame again, this time from the perspective of an anecdote about an antidote. It comes from The Feeling Good Handbook , by David D. Burns. ( https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2222.The_Feeling_Good_Handbook ) "One antidote to this fear involves purposely doing something foolish in public.... [Note from me: I do that all the time, but not "purposely."] The idea is to do what you're most afraid of so you can learn that the world doesn't come to an end after all.... I performed a 'Shame-Attacking' exercise while on vacation with my family at a casino resort on Lake Tahoe. I put on a cowboy hat and dark glasses and ...

Tom is one of my best friends ever. He was the best man in my wedding and has been a best man ever since. He emailed me a story about facing fear. To overcome addiction, we can't hide from it. We have to face fear head-on. "Remember this: God isn’t scared of what you’re scared of. But you don’t have to pretend like you’re not frightened. Naming your fear is part of getting through it."  — Levi Lusko Run Toward the Fear: Run Toward the Roar    by Levi Lusko, from  Through the Eyes of a Lion I am fascinated by the way lions hunt. I’ve read that it’s the lionesses that actually do the “lion’s share” of the work. The males are obviously incredibly intimidating, with their manes and their ferocious roars, but it’s the chicks you really have to watch out for. The fact that lionesses do not have a big, recognizable mane actually helps them sneak up on whatever they are hunting. They lie in wait, hidden in the tall grass, motionless like statues. ...

I asked what drives your life. Rick Warren in The Purpose-Driven Life  ( https://www.churchsource.com/rickwarren ) suggests five drivers that often distract us from what really  should be driving our lives. Yesterday it was anger and resentment. Today: Fear -- "Fears may be a result of a traumatic experience, unrealistic expectations, growing up in a high-control home, or even genetic predisposition." In my case as an adolescent, the fear that drove me was a fear of rejection. That's what kept me from asking girls to go out with me. I was afraid my life would be ruined if a girl told me "No." So I stood back and watched my friends be brave. While they were in the game, I was on the sidelines feeling alone. Whatever fear may drive you, it causes you to miss out on opportunities. You decide not to take risks and hope everything will turn out all right. "Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be."

Take a minute. What guides your life? The correct answer here is God. But all of us -- some of the time, all of the time, or part of the time -- are driven by painful, bad stuff. If you are reading this, maybe you are being driven by alcohol or other drugs. The Self-Driven Life gives us four common things that take the wheel as we drop God off at at a bus stop in Kalamazoo. This is a wonderful book, written by Rick Warren ( https://www.churchsource.com/rickwarren ), that gives me lots of oh-yea moments. Here are his top drivers. For the next five blog posts, I will write a little about each. They are: Many people are driven by guilt. Many people are driven by resentment and anger. Many people are driven by fear. Many people are driven by materialism. Many people are driven by the need for approval. I will dissect each like a frog in a high school biology class.

It must have been the first time I watched The Wizard of Oz . I was in first grade or younger; my sister was a year and a half younger than I. When the witch came on the screen -- although all we had was a black-and-white TV -- she was still scary enough that I can remember how that fear felt. My sister hid behind the couch and cried. I still feel fear, but it's a different kind. That movie was fight-or-flight fear. I felt threatened by danger, even though the danger was irrational. My fears these days remain irrational fears, like, will I make someone mad? Will people not like me? Will my kids give up on their alcoholic father? According to Dr. David D. Burns in The Feeling Good Handbook ( https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Handbook-David-Burns-1999-10-28/dp/B017MYK3SU/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1529692806&sr=8-4&keywords=feeling+good+handbook ) , fear must be dealt with head-on. "When you avoid frightening situations, you simply make your problem worse.... Facing you...