Corking the Bottle

Coronavirus doesn't exist. Think positively. If there is a coronavirus, it will go away without affecting me, my family, or my friends. That's what I call "positive thinking." In reality, that's what I call hogwash. Wait. I do believe in positive thinking. But what exists in my "Pleasantville" doesn't exist in Louisville.  People get sick. Divorce happens. Domestic violence exists. The police shot and killed someone's brother, son, and maybe father downtown yesterday because he pulled a weapon on police. Bad stuff like covid-19 exists. So do rainbows and butterflies. God gets us through the bad stuff and enables us to enjoy the good stuff. He tests us in many ways. My alcoholism was a test. It wasn't God's will, but He used my addiction to make me a better person once I emerged from the darkness of the disease. Have faith in a Higher Power, and this too will pass. I opened up a book I read sometime back and came across a passage ...

(Reprinted from my blog post August 11, 2018) Until digital photography came of age, I was into 35 mm color slides; thousands and thousands of them, starting in 1974. When I got a developed box of slides back from the store, I dragged out my Bell & Howell projector and my folding screen and projected the latest chapter of my life for all to see -- if they didn't sneak out when I lowered the lights. I no longer need to project color slides but am now aware of another way I project. Sometimes I project my own shortcomings onto others instead of taking ownership of the character defects in myself. I can use my wife, Kathy, to show you what I mean about projection. She never reads my blog, so I can write whatever I want about her.  😈 My personality has changed during my attempts at sobriety, which includes A.A. meetings, therapy, and reading. I see better now my faults I wasn't aware of before. I am working on those I know about. One is a need to always be smart and righ...

Here is something that is confusing to me. "According to Carl Jung, at the very core of our humanness exists a dualism -- the shadow and the light. Before we can manifest our light and become that winged bird, we must first come to know and accept our shadow." (Jacqueline Small, Awakening in Time     https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/jacquelyn-small/awakening-in-time/ ) I have worked to minimize and erase the personality disorders I have become aware of by working the Twelve Steps. One important defect is self-centeredness and a feeling of superiority. I feel like I have made good progress toward that goal. People at A.A. meetings show me we are all the same in God's eyes, but with unique strengths and weaknesses. That's the way God made us. My wife still accuses me of thinking only of myself. So does my youngest sister. So am I not seeing myself clearly for what I am? Are they trying to boost their own self-esteem by projecting their issues at me? Or...

I wrote on August 2 about "Why Is This the Best of All Possible Worlds?" I said God tests us and uses horrific events to create something good. Well, maybe. I wrote then: "The question remains: Does everything happen "for the best in this best of all possible worlds?" My healing tells me it does. "So then what about wars and murders and rapes and cheating and lying and stealing and death and fires and hurricanes and earthquakes and.... The list goes on. I have come to believe that God uses bad stuff to make us better. Just as my alcoholism has made me a better person than I would be if I had never taken a drink, God leads us through such dark times." I stand by those words. But I came across a different point of view that also makes a lot of sense to me. From  Awakening in Time , by Jacquelyn Small ( https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/jacquelyn-small/awakening-in-time/ ): "...positive thinking is not the solution to our dualistic ...

Discovering character defects means coming face to face with the bad "us." Until I take action to admit my defects to God, myself, and another human being (Step 5) and then relegate ooops'es solely to the rearview mirror, I am stuck with staring down the ugly me. How to I refrain from beating myself up for what suddenly seems to be obvious flaws? A book I have read twice is  Awakening in Time  by Jacquelyn Small  (https://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Time-Journey-Codependence-Co-Creation/dp/0939344181/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1544474202&sr=1-2&keywords=awakening+in+time ). She gets a bit heady for me with chakras and their respective glands and colors (whatever all that means), but I highlighted many parts of the book to refer to later. One such passage helps me accept myself, defects and all: "From the Higher Self's perspective, I do not judge my weaknesses and vulnerabilities as 'bad;' I simply note them for what they are -- with c...

My exploration into the inner me, instigated by a desire to stay sober, has showed me I need to turn up the dial on my humility. Most of my earlier life was filled with successes in my work and personal life. I think I was an egotist. Then when my highly polished armor developed some chinks, my feelings of superiority were replaced by feelings of inferiority. A.A.'s Big Book and counselors helped me to balance the two. Accepting my fate as an alcoholic was humiliating, especially for someone like me. "...we are not human beings learning to be spiritual; we are spiritual beings learning to be human. In fact, we've found that when people are out of touch with the inner life, they are far more prone to addictions of all kinds. They only look outside themselves for gratification and validation." ( Awakening In Time , Jacquelyn Small,    https://books.google.com/books/about/Awakening_in_Time.html?id=J0hY7iqxg48C ) In God's eyes we are all equal. That realization ...

Until digital photography came of age, I was into 35 mm color slides; thousands and thousands of them, starting in 1974. When I got a developed box of slides back from the store, I dragged out my Bell & Howell projector and my folding screen and projected the latest chapter of my life for all to see -- if they didn't sneak out when I lowered the lights. I no longer need to project color slides but am now aware of another way I project. Sometimes I project my own shortcomings onto others instead of taking ownership of the character defects in myself. I can use my wife, Kathy, to show you what I mean about projection. She never reads my blog, so I can write whatever I want about her.  😈 My personality has changed during my attempts at sobriety, which includes A.A. meetings, therapy, and reading. I see better now my faults I wasn't aware of before. I am working on those I know about. One is a need to always be smart and right about everything. As I try to work on that...

Discovering character defects means coming face to face with the bad "us." Until I take action to admit my defects to God, myself, and another human being (Step 5) and then relegate ooops'es solely to the rearview mirror, I am stuck with staring down the ugly me. How to I refrain from beating myself up for what suddenly seems to be obvious flaws? A book I have read twice is Awakening in Time by Jacquelyn Small (https://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Time-Journey-Codependence-Co-Creation/dp/0939344181/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1544474202&sr=1-2&keywords=awakening+in+time ). She gets a bit heady for me with chakras and their respective glands and colors (whatever all that means), but I highlighted many parts of the book to refer to later. One such passage helps me accept myself, defects and all: "From the Higher Self's perspective, I do not judge my weaknesses and vulnerabilities as 'bad;' I simply note them for what they are -- with com...