Corking the Bottle

I was in Grove City, PA, visiting my mother, my sister, and her family the past two days. At lunch yesterday, my sister made the observation that I had been placed on a pedestal, and that made me judgemental. There was a time I would have bristled and denied her opinion. My mother's nods, anyway, added umph to her statement. I never thought I was on any pedestal. But my healing from alcoholism did make me acknowledge in Step 4 that I was full of myself, and I found characteristics in many others that I judged to make them inferior. Yes, I'm afraid I have been judgemental. My sister and mother agreed that I'm not as bad at that as I used to. I hope that is so. The 12 Steps made me come to the realization that everyone is just like me; none better, none inferior. Praise God for turning my alcoholism into positive acknowledgements of my old self. I turn my character defects over to God. Make me a better person.

[First published August 8, 2018] "Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things."  -- Kay Warren,  Choose Joy ( http://kaywarren.com/choosejoy/ ) How comforting! To know that God is in control of my life, to be confident everything will be all right, to choose to keep in touch with God. You know, that sounds better than getting drunk and passing out in the living room. Been there, done that. But how do I move beyond the "old me?" Even if we are convinced change is necessary, so is patience. You can't demand patience to arrive right away. Change takes time, but is well worth the wait. The Big Book comes with appendices that I  overlooked for a long time. The second, called "Spiritual Awareness," cautions, " ...Our first printing gave many readers the impression that these pe

Here are some gems from A.A. meetings I found to be worth mining: Choices and reactions are the only things we have control over. The more I know the less I know. What if someone said, "I am going to control your life." I would say no way! But that's what I allowed alcohol to do. Sometimes I wish my brain had put the breaks on my mouth. People at A.A. poked me in the I. When I drink I break out in stupid. At New Year's: I let my resolutions go in one year and out the other. Poor me! Pour me another. FROG -- Fully Relying on God. (See my blog post on February 18) Religion is different spokes on the same wheel. (attributed to Thomas Merton) Speaking of Thomas Merton:

We must take ownership of our actions. As Mark said at A.A., "The cookie broke. No, say 'I broke the cookie.'" Step 10 tells us: "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." That brings us back to junior high English class and to my many years as a journalist and corporate writer. Don't use passive voice if you know the actor. Use active voice. To say, "The door was left open," or "The door was left open by me" is weaker than "I left the door open." "The house was broken into," or "Thieves broke into the house"? "The beer was drunk," or "I drank the beer (and now I am drunk")? I need to take ownership of my actions. And when I am wrong, promptly admit it.

I know them, and you know them too: those bible-thumping, scripture-quoting, righteous-feeling people. Some of them talk the talk without walking the walk. The last time I went to church religiously (pun intended), I became disillusioned when the new pastor, a righteous-feeling married man, resigned in disgrace after an affair with a woman in the church. We've become nauseated by a stream of reports through the years of priests molesting underage boys. Did they think God was napping when they committed these atrocities? I hear a few people at A.A. meetings quoting Big Book passages but doing nothing. Are they living those passages or grandstanding? Cynthia said at my home group meeting that she knew a man who attended A.A. meetings for 20 years, but did nothing for A.A., other members, or his own sobriety. He died drunk. "Faith without works is dead" (Big Book, page 88). The Daily Reflection for February 15 reads: "One of the most important things A.A. has g

Tom at A.A. recently confessed. Not to a priest. Far from it. He admitted to us that he once was an agnostic. I keep getting "agnostics" confused with "atheists." An agnostic is a person who holds the view that God is unknown and probably unknowable. An atheist doesn't believe in God. Or any gods. Period. So back to Tom, who converted from agnosticism one day. He said he was at the club where we hold A.A. meetings several times a day. He strolled beyond the parking lot to the large, grass-and-tree-filled land. "God, do you exist?" Just asking the question shows his heart was open to finding God. A higher power is essential to escaping alcoholism. See Step 2. Tom stood and listened. "I heard a frog. Then another. Then I heard lots of frogs. I came back to the meeting and told them, 'I found God! He is a frog!" Many of us find God in nature. I don't think he is nature, but he can certainly be found there. Tom doesn't wors

[First published August 9, 2018] Being an alcoholic can be a gift. Yeah, that's right. Wrap it up and tie it with a nice little bow. You have the power to turn a curse, like being a fall-down drunk, into a blessing from God. Theresa, at my home group A.A. meeting, said, "It's not what happens to me. It's what I  do  with what happens to me." Like makin' a silk purse from a sow's ear, I guess. We get stuck sometimes holding that sow's yucky ear. God probably didn't drop it into our laps. We went Van Gogh on that poor piggie all on our own free will. So what are you going to make from your sow's ear? I like to quote  The Purpose-Driven Life  ( https://www.christianbook.com/purpose-driven-life-what-earth-here/rick-warren/9780310337508/pd/337508?kw=47259373575&mt=b&dv=c&event=PPCSRC&p=1186432&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIleLw_YLg3AIVw7XACh2pXwuVEAAYAiAAEgINz_D_BwE ). "God also planned where you'd be born and where you'

[First published August 8, 2018] "Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things."  -- Kay Warren,   Choose Joy  ( http://kaywarren.com/choosejoy/ ) How comforting! To know that God is in control of my life, to be confident everything will be all right, to choose to keep in touch with God. You know, that sounds better than getting drunk and passing out in the living room. Been there, done that. But how do I move beyond the "old me?" Even if we are convinced change is necessary, so is patience. You can't demand patience to arrive right away. Change takes time, but is well worth the wait. The Big Book comes with appendices that I  overlooked for a long time. The second, called "Spiritual Awareness," cautions, " ...Our first printing gave many readers the impression that these pe

[First published August 6, 2018] We pray the Lord's prayer. We hold hands in a circle and repeat it after most A.A. meetings. We say it every Sunday in church. When I was little, we said it before each school day began. But did you ever notice that there's a catch to it? Everything is asked straightforward: Give us our daily bread, don't lead us into temptation, deliver us from evil. Right in the middle is a scary action item for  us , a do-this-for-me-and-I-will-do-this-for-you deal we make with God. "And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." In the Presbyterian church where I grew up, we replace "trespasses" with "debts." It seems like Presbyterians are worried about money we owe and others owe us. Un-Presbyterians promise to obey God's "No Trespassing!" signs, the same as we allow others into our yards.  "Trespasses" and "debts" don't get to the main issue here

Bill is an old man. I can call him that because it's unlikely he ever will visit this blog. He carries a portable oxygen tank and stretches two clear tubes for O2 into his nostrils. Always he wears a cap that labels him "Old Fart." I find his speech hard to understand. Perhaps he had a stroke. Later this month, Bill will be recognized for 41 years of sobriety. I share this because he attends the same A.A. meeting I go to two or three times a week. I am approaching one year and believe I need A.A. for the sobriety and camaraderie. He apparently believes he needs the same thing after 40 years and 11 months. The point is, "Keep coming back!" Alcoholics never are cured. We merely are granted a reprieve, day by day. So good for Bill! If you ever think you have abstained long enough that you don't need A.A., don't need your higher power, don't believe one social drink will hurt you, remember Bill. He knows what he needs to do to live his 42nd year

Today's dark present will be tomorrow's dark past. Someone said that at a recent A.A. meeting. That's good to think about on these dark, dreary, winter days. It seems like it rains eight days a week, and thick, dark clouds shroud us all the time. I can't wait for spring weather! When spring arrives with sunshine and warm days and baseball season, this dark day will be nothing more than a dark past. Budding trees and daffodils will actually make that dark past seem not so bad, because without the darkness, I would take the light for granted. Do you recognize the metafor? I don't like my dark drinking days. They make me embarrassed and ashamed. But without them, what would my life be like today? The sun would shine less brightly. I try not to mourn my past, but I don't shut the door on it, either. Those dark drinking days weren't wasted. They got me here. And "here" is a joyful place to be.

[First published August 15, 2018] I heard a riddle at today's A.A. speakers meeting. How many alcoholics does it take to change a lightbulb? One. He just holds it and the world turns around him! I find that particularly humorous in light of one of my character defects I have identified and work to change every day -- self-centeredness. According to Freud, "Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism." If I pawned my narcissism, I have yet to receive any cash for it, which suggests I am still hanging on to some of it. When I was lying in intensive care after drinking so much I was unresponsive on the floor, a social worker told me about A.A. and gave me a list of local meetings. I told her thanks, but no thanks. What I didn't tell her was that I knew the kind of people who attend A.A. meetings, and I'm not one of them. I have a college degree. I retired after being a professional for 35 years. I have a

"Look at all my trials a tribulations Sinking in a gentle pool of wine. What's that in the bread? It's gone to my head 'Till this morning is this evening, life is fine...."      -- from Jesus Christ Superstar Certainly alcoholics walked this earth ever since humans learned about fermentation. Not until the 20th Century, however, did scientists begin to understand how alcohol works in the body and brain. Some "regular people" still don't understand us. "While alcoholism is widely accepted as a disease today, until very recent years was it considered a psychological or moral issue." --  Staying Sober , by Terrence Gorski and Merlene Miller ( https://www.amazon.com/Staying-Sober-Guide-Relapse-Prevention/dp/083090459X/ref=sr_1_3/137-2378647-5105957?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1549817655&sr=1-3&keywords=staying+sober ) I used to be embarrassed by my alcohol addiction. I was afraid others would think I was mentally ill or had lo

I don't like this time of year. We are well into winter and far from warm springtime temperatures. Most of the country, including here, is shrouded in a gloomy covering of gray that seemingly never lifts. Days such as these are when my depression used to peak. So far, I seem to be handling dim days better than I used to, for several possible reasons. I bought a Happy Light that is supposed to lift one's spirits when dullness dominates. I have it turned on me as I write this. My relationship with my wife is better than it has been in recent years. I aim to watch funny movies and TV shows. I keep myself busy in my days of retirement. On top of all that, I am not drinking -- not filling my brain with that overwhelming depressant. I feel God inside me all the time. It isn't my imagination. I know God and feel His presence whatever I am doing. I talk out loud to Him throughout the day, as if He is a buddy that stopped by for a chat. And then there is what Dottie said at

"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have -- the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them." --The Big Book page 124 I am grateful for my dark past. No, I'm not masochistic. It's just that we learn more from our losses than from our victories. Fortunately, my dark past only goes back 10 years or so, not somewhere along life's road miles before I came to this rest stop.... If I hadn't driven through the dark past, I never would have come to know myself and how to repair the damage I caused to myself and others. Only because I had bad times did I find God and pray for His will to be done through me. I see results of that prayer every day. Stanley Lake in Idaho's Sawtooth Mountains When I lived in Idaho, I came to realize those

This week I celebrated nine months of sobriety as I received my purple chip at my A.A. home group. Today I met with my counselor for the first time in several months. I enjoyed telling her about my abstinence success. Life is good again! The Ninth Step Promises really do come true.

The following is the first post on this blog. I am repeating it because it explains  how I started abusing alcohol and how I am recovering one day at a time. I am an unusual drunk. I never drank as a kid. As a young and middle-aged adult, I drank socially; yeah, sometimes too much, but I wasn't thinking about my next drink afterward. I had a wonderful childhood raised by teetotalling parents who loved each other and taught me to love. I was a straight-A student. I decided in high school to become a journalist and took advantage of writing opportunities in and outside of school. I landed a part-time sports writing job at our county newspaper. This led to a full-paid scholarship based on writing ability. I graduated a year early, got a job as news bureau manager in my mother's hometown where I still had lots of relatives, and jumped into work even before my commencement exercises. I married my childhood sweetheart at the same time I started a public relations job, where m

Here's a good resource if you can' get out physically to an A.A. meeting. There is a series of online intergroup meetings you can join. Choose from available groups and sign up. I haven't done that but would like to hear from someone who has tried it. Do online intergroup meetings work for you? For a list of available groups to join, visit  http://aa-intergroup.org/directory.php .

Paradox (noun) -- A seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well-founded or true. A.A. admits to a paradox in describing the first tradition in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions . Tradition #1 states, "Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity." (page 9) Hmmmm... I  thought I was the most important person in the room, meaning A.A. depends upon me; and you and you and you and you. Which is more true: The whole is greater than the sum of its parts? (Aristotle)  Or is the sum of its parts greater than the whole? You might argue that A.A. is greater than the individuals who comprise it. That's true of sports teams that seem to always win without a star player. But it's A.A.'s function to make me a better person, right?  So the welfare of A.A. members must be enhanced or they won't attend and the whole will die, thus suggesting the parts a

The University of Louisville women's basketball team beat Connecticut last night by nine points. With that win came a reminder to me about not drinking and  about living in the present. Huh? UConn beat Louisville 17 straight times, including twice in the national championship. I was there yesterday to watch that dreadful streak end. (Sorry if you are from Connecticut.) Those 17 wins were clobberings. The Cardinals couldn't come close. I can't remember if I drank away my sorrows after the previous losses -- but I might have. I am grateful I didn't even consider a celebratory drink after last night's game. Drinking away a loss or after a win is senseless. And how about a drink to forget the 17 losses? What for? They no longer count. They are in the past. "We will not forget the past nor wish to shut the door on it." (Big Book, page 83) No longer is my team 0-17. Now we are 1-0! The present is all that counts.