Corking the Bottle

I want to point something out about the relationship between two of A.A.'s Twelve Steps. First, Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." Then, Step 11: "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." Step 3 makes me think of  meeting a new friend and asking him to do something for me. "Take over my will and my life, please." By Step 11 I know this friend better, and now I'm willing to do something nice for Him. "Hey, y'know, I would be happy to spend more time with you, and if you want me to do something for you, just let me know what your will for me is." Sep 11 strikes me as being a follow-up to Step 3. After Steps 4-10, I have come to know God better and my hope is to do His will for me. Before the steps, I was messing up my

I like Dottie. She is a member of my A.A. Let's Get Serious home group. Age 70-something, 11 years sober, she comes up with some real gems. For example: "(My kids) Don't like where I came from, but they like where I came." "I was like a person standing at the bus stop, but the bus doesn't go by there anymore." "When I drink I break out in stupid." While I was looking back in my notebook for more dottie-isms, I came across something the late Cecil said at a meeting in 2015: "AA isn't a religious program. Religion is for people trying to get to heaven. A.A. is a spiritual program for people who have been to Hell and don't want to go back."

[First published August 10, 2018] I pray before meetings and group therapy sessions that God will help me receive relevant messages I need at the moment, and that I will be moved to share helpful words God wants someone in the room to hear and absorb. I have faith those prayers are answered. "The Bible tells us that when we plant seeds of faith in others' lives, we will have no idea how or when those seeds might actually take root and flourish. Your conversation today could lead to someone else's conversation tomorrow or next year." ( The Complete Idiot's Guide to Faith , by my high school buddy, Rev. Charles "Chuck" Moore,   https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Faith/dp/1592574947?SubscriptionId=AKIAJ2F6RDUSIYCWQMFQ&tag=sa-b2c-new-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=1592574947 ) Case in point: A few weeks ago in my group discussion at Better Alternatives Counseling in Louisville, we got into discussio

Sometimes it's good to step back and listen to the thoughts of other recovering alcoholics. Here is one that came to me on Facebook yesterday. The Alcoholic Next Door Y e s t e r d a y   a t   8 : 5 4   A M  ·  Thanks  Jacqueline Irene  for the great share. There is such a huge difference between Dry and Sober. There were so many times during my drinking career that I would take a month off or "stop" drinking just so I could shut people up. Most of that time was spent dreaming about my next drink or wondering how long I had to make this dry spell last before people left me alone. When I finally got "SOBER" it was life changing. Sobriety and Recovery is a daily process filled wi th growth, forgiveness, spirituality, hope, love and so many other amazing things. I always say that if the rest of the world just lived by our principles the world would be such a better place. I'm so thankful to be sober and not dry. I've met many

[First published August 9, 2018] Being an alcoholic can be a gift. Yeah, that's right. Wrap it up and tie it with a nice little bow. You have the power to turn a curse, like being a fall-down drunk, into a blessing from God. Theresa, at my home group A.A. meeting, said, "It's not what happens to me. It's what I  do  with what happens to me." Like makin' a silk purse from a sow's ear, I guess. We get stuck sometimes holding that sow's yucky ear. God probably didn't drop it into our laps. We went Van Gogh on that poor piggie all on our own free will. So what are you going to make from your sow's ear? I like to quote  The Purpose-Driven Life  ( https://www.christianbook.com/purpose-driven-life-what-earth-here/rick-warren/9780310337508/pd/337508?kw=47259373575&mt=b&dv=c&event=PPCSRC&p=1186432&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIleLw_YLg3AIVw7XACh2pXwuVEAAYAiAAEgINz_D_BwE ). "God also planned where you'd be born and where you'

Lincoln comes to our noontime A.A. meetings once in a while. He is a big, strong-looking guy with a preacheresque voice. At one meeting he confided about Step Three, "I was willing to turn my life over to the care of God, but I was afraid to give it up." That's the antithesis of the driver who says, "Here. You steer for a while. I'm gonna take a nap." Page 62 of the Big Book should  be helpful to all you Lincolns out there: "First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone [See the blog post below this one.] of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom." This step isn't easy. How can we trust an invisible spirit to take all control? On page 63 is a prayer worth praying. Say

Pennsylvania, where I was born and raised, calls itself The Keystone State, because people believed that, like a keystone, Pennsylvania held the other 12 states together. Today's A.A. Daily Reflection ( https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily-reflection ) calls Step 3 the keystone step. "The 'other pieces' are Steps One, Two, and Four through Twelve. In one sense this sounds like Step Three is the most important Step, that the other eleven depend on the third for support. In reality however, Step Three is just one of the twelve. It is the keystone...." But without Step 3, no full recovery from alcoholism can be made. I think that is right. Turning our will and our lives over to the care of God or to our higher power is essential to recovery. It also is essential to the lives of everybody , alcoholic or addict or not. Trust God. Follow His will. You will find that life is better that way. He knows what is best for our lives.

Women's panel talk shows, news debates, and sports shows filling the gap between halves all annoy me. Participants all think they have something to say and they say it: loudly, over the voices of others. "Hear me! I am right and, furthermore, what I have to say is witty." When I face choices between actions I should follow, my brain erupts in a similar shouting match. Eventually, I come to hush the cacophony and sort through the voices to make a decision. Call it a hunch. Call it intuition. Call it a feeling, a sense. Call it the voice of God. No matter what you call it, I come to learn which inner voice to listen to. How about you? What voice is God's will, and what voice is mine trying to out-shout God? I find the best way to receive and carry out the right message, the solution to God's test, is to step back. Take a couple days off. Maybe a week. When I do that, I can act with more confidence I am following God's will. I ace His test! But not if I let t

 I can't be in control all the time. There were times I wanted to be, tried to be, demanded I be. That never worked out so hot. I came up with an analogy once when on a trip. The pilot, crew, and control tower were in control. Not me. That's a situation where I had to relinquish all control and trust others. My record as a pilot wasn't so good. I also noted that for many years in the car, I rode in the passenger seat. My wife was at the wheel. She likes to drive and I would rather look at the scenery. On longer trips, I read and nap as she drives. I trust her to get us where we are going safely. Sometimes I offer suggestions: Don't follow so close behind that truck; Pass the old lady in front of us; The light is changing; Cars are stopping ahead..... She rarely takes my suggestions. She is in control and would rather do things her own way. I am better off keeping my mouth shut and turning up the radio. (That's a suggestion she firmly offers to me.) Likewise

Dottie went through tough times in her younger days, but she has been clean and sober for more than a decade. She admitted at A.A. recently that she once was an unholy terror and probably was a sociopath. Then she wondered out loud to the group, "Can a sociopath really be cured?" And, I wondered, what are sociopaths and psychopaths? Are they the same thing? And can they be cured? I turned to my good friend Mr. Google. According to L. Michael Tompkins, EdD, a psychologist at the Sacramento County Mental Health Treatment Center, a key difference between a sociopath and a psychopath is conscience, "the little voice inside that lets us know when we're doing something wrong." A psychopath has no conscience at all. "If he lies to you so he can steal your money, he won't feel any moral qualms, though he may pretend to. He may observe others and then act the way they do so he's not 'found out.'" A sociopath has a conscience, but it is we

What if I were out with a group of friends. I never hung out in bars, so let's say I am on a trail in the woods with the hiking group I have trekked with before. One of them introduces me to someone new. We lag at the back of  the pack, talking sports and hobbies and interests. After we spend time together, this man I thought was a friend suddenly sneered, "I am going to control your life." What would you do in a similar situation? Would you agree to meet after the hike to see what he means? Would you scoff and tell yourself you never would agree to something so ridiculous? Would you distance yourself from this awful person? Or maybe you would say, "Sure! While you're at it, I will divorce my wife, give up my kids, leave my job, and enable you to be my higher power." You can see what I am getting at. I made friends with alcohol and let it control my life. How stupid I was! I made a mistake. I lost money and self esteem to enable -- actually, invite --

"Do you believe in miracles?!?" Al Michaels was talking about the US team of young amateur boys beating the professional Russian soldiers in Olympic hockey in 1980. How about you? Do you believe in miracles? A pickup truck often parked at my home group A.A. meetings has a bumper sticker that says simply, "Miracles Happen." I'm a miracle. And so are you. Page 153 of the Big Book says: "It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they arise out of such misery, bad repute, and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!" I never heard a burning bush speak, changed water into wine, or brought life to the dead. But I have seen miracles. They come

Have you been there before? Sitting on the same bar stool, talking and listening to the same tired stories over and over, night after night. You'd all laugh together, thinking you're the only one depressed and miserable. Then a new fellow enters the bar. He orders a bourbon, of course, because this is  Kentucky. A young man off in the corner shouts, "15!" Everyone laughs and goes on drinking. So do you, until a tired looking old man at the bar, in a slurred voice, cries out, "94!" Do you laugh? Sure you do, because everyone else does. You've been here with them often. The stranger looks perplexed. "47!" Comes a voice from somewhere. Everyone roared with laughter, then sipped another sip. "Why do these people shout numbers, and why do people laugh?" he asked. The poor woman next to you lifts her head off the bar. "We all have heard the same stories and the same jokes so many times that the man in that booth over there assi