Corking the Bottle

Rumination is an unhealthy response to stress. It's an inability to let go of something, which can lead to depression, which can lead to withdrawal from other people. For more, listen to Dr. Ramani Durvasula,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4E2JzmIraw . She goes on to say that normal anxiety is a fear of something that is real. Being afraid of snarling dogs is not anxiety; it's a normal response. Likeways, being anxious during a pandemic is normal. Don't sweat it. Accept it, Ask God to help you control the feelings you can control and give you the serenity to accept those things you have absolutely no control over. Feeling in control can mean avoiding the temptation to self-medicate with alcohol. If you are anxious about getting sick, about your elderly parents getting sick, about the loss of a job, about a dried-up bank account, these feelings are normal. No one, including you, is to blame. A video by Dr. Tracey Marks ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtZaMdOy4K8 )...

I've written  umpteen times that the issue that led me to drink was looking to my past and comparing it with my present. That was depressing, and seemed to be fixable only with another drink. Then another. One of my favorite Beatles songs, probably not surprising, is one that goes like this: There are places I remember all my life Though some have changed Some forever not for better Some have gone and some remain I went through an onslaught of change that caught up with me around 2006. From there it was a slow descent into depression. If I drank a little, my mood would swing to a better place. But eventually, I couldn't drink just a little. And I know I'll never lose affection For people and things that went before I know I'll often stop and think about them... The Ninth Step Promises in the Big Book, which we read before every meeting, describes the way we should remember our past: "We will not forget the past nor wish to shut the door on it....

Dottie went through tough times in her younger days, but she has been clean and sober for more than a decade. She admitted at A.A. recently that she once was an unholy terror and probably was a sociopath. Then she wondered out loud to the group, "Can a sociopath really be cured?" And, I wondered, what are sociopaths and psychopaths? Are they the same thing? And can they be cured? I turned to my good friend Mr. Google. According to L. Michael Tompkins, EdD, a psychologist at the Sacramento County Mental Health Treatment Center, a key difference between a sociopath and a psychopath is conscience, "the little voice inside that lets us know when we're doing something wrong." A psychopath has no conscience at all. "If he lies to you so he can steal your money, he won't feel any moral qualms, though he may pretend to. He may observe others and then act the way they do so he's not 'found out.'" A sociopath has a conscience, but it is we...

I don't like this time of year. We are well into winter and far from warm springtime temperatures. Most of the country, including here, is shrouded in a gloomy covering of gray that seemingly never lifts. Days such as these are when my depression used to peak. So far, I seem to be handling dim days better than I used to, for several possible reasons. I bought a Happy Light that is supposed to lift one's spirits when dullness dominates. I have it turned on me as I write this. My relationship with my wife is better than it has been in recent years. I aim to watch funny movies and TV shows. I keep myself busy in my days of retirement. On top of all that, I am not drinking -- not filling my brain with that overwhelming depressant. I feel God inside me all the time. It isn't my imagination. I know God and feel His presence whatever I am doing. I talk out loud to Him throughout the day, as if He is a buddy that stopped by for a chat. And then there is what Dottie said at ...

The following is the first post on this blog. I am repeating it because it explains  how I started abusing alcohol and how I am recovering one day at a time. I am an unusual drunk. I never drank as a kid. As a young and middle-aged adult, I drank socially; yeah, sometimes too much, but I wasn't thinking about my next drink afterward. I had a wonderful childhood raised by teetotalling parents who loved each other and taught me to love. I was a straight-A student. I decided in high school to become a journalist and took advantage of writing opportunities in and outside of school. I landed a part-time sports writing job at our county newspaper. This led to a full-paid scholarship based on writing ability. I graduated a year early, got a job as news bureau manager in my mother's hometown where I still had lots of relatives, and jumped into work even before my commencement exercises. I married my childhood sweetheart at the same time I started a public relations job, where m...

I pulled this from my Facebook. The Alcoholic Next Door 7 hrs Brilliant! I couldn't agree more with what these doctors are prescribing. For me, if I am stressed or having a bad day, all I need to do is get outside, take a walk through the woods and I come back to center. We spend far too much time inside, working or staring at our phones (I'M GUILTY). My wife and I were outside with our daughter over the weekend and we both said, God there's something amazing about fresh air. So if you are feeling down or depressed or you want to make your issues feel a little bit smaller, go outside and connect with the awesomeness that is mother nature. She won't let you down. And if you are really feeling bad, hug a tree. I did it the other day and it was awesome. Seriously.  # nature   # trees   # freshair   # hiking   # sobriety   # sober   # recovery

[First published June 7, 2018] As I understand Freud, he spent a lot of time discussing childhood, relationships with parents, and the Oedipus complex. My psychiatrist turned me onto a book he thought might be helpful. Boy, he was right! I am now reading it for a second time. It is full of good stuff to help me get to the real root of my hangups. It's about cognitive therapy, which says my relationship with my father isn't all that significant. The book is  The Feeling Good Handbook , by Dr. David D. Burns. It would be difficult to delve into many specifics because the theory is hard to explain in a few short blog posts. (Burns' book is two inches and 729 pages including the index.) Maybe a website on cognitive theory will pique your interest. O ne to try is  https://www.cognitivetherapynyc.com/What-Is-Cognitive-Therapy.aspx . That site describes cognitive theory this way: "Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a relatively short-term, focused psychotherapy for a wide r...

I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terence T. Gorski, co-author of  Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and out...

I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did. Terence T. Gorski, co-author of Staying Sober , identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober ( https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8 ). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action. Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common: They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program; They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol; They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and outp...

The following is the first post on this blog. I am repeating it because it explains how I started abusing alcohol and how I am recovering one day at a time. I am an unusual drunk. I never drank as a kid. As a young and middle-aged adult, I drank socially; yeah, sometimes too much, but I wasn't thinking about my next drink afterward. I had a wonderful childhood raised by teetotalling parents who loved each other and taught me to love. I was a straight-A student. I decided in high school to become a journalist and took advantage of writing opportunities in and outside of school. I landed a part-time sports writing job at our county newspaper. This led to a full-paid scholarship based on writing ability. I graduated a year early, got a job as news bureau manager in my mother's hometown where I still had lots of relatives, and jumped into work even before my commencement exercises. I married my childhood sweetheart at the same time I started a public relations job, where my s...

As I understand Freud, he spent a lot of time discussing childhood, relationships with parents, and the Oedipus complex. My psychiatrist turned me onto a book he thought might be helpful. Boy, he was right! I am now reading it for a second time. It is full of good stuff to help me get to the real root of my hangups. It's about cognitive therapy, which says my relationship with my father isn't all that significant. The book is The Feeling Good Handbook , by Dr. David D. Burns. It would be difficult to delve into many specifics because the theory is hard to explain in a few short blog posts. (Burns' book is two inches and 729 pages including the index.) Maybe a website on cognitive theory will pique your interest. O ne to try is https://www.cognitivetherapynyc.com/What-Is-Cognitive-Therapy.aspx . That site describes cognitive theory this way: "Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a relatively short-term, focused psychotherapy for a wide range of psychological problems inc...

I am an unusual drunk. I never drank as a kid. As a young and middle-aged adult, I drank socially; yeah, sometimes too much, but I wasn't thinking about my next drink afterward. I had a wonderful childhood raised by teetotalling parents who loved each other and taught me to love. I was a straight-A student. I decided in high school to become a journalist and took advantage of writing opportunities in and outside of school. I landed a part-time sports writing job at our county newspaper. This led to a full-paid scholarship based on writing ability. I graduated a year early, got a job as news bureau manager in my mother's hometown where I still had lots of relatives, and jumped into work even before my commencement exercises. I married my childhood sweetheart at the same time I started a public relations job, where my salary doubled overnight. A feature story I wrote led me into marathon running, and I ran dozens of races through the next decades. While in college, I voluntee...