Corking the Bottle

(Reprinted from my blog post August 4, 2018) "Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have -- the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them." --The Big Book page 124 I am grateful for my dark past. No, I'm not masochistic. It's just that we learn more from our losses than from our victories. Fortunately, my dark past only goes back 10 years or so, not somewhere along life's road miles before I came to this rest stop.... If I hadn't driven through the dark past, I never would have come to know myself and how to repair the damage I caused to myself and others. Only because I had bad times did I find God and pray for His will to be done through me. I see results of that prayer every day. Stanley Lake in Idaho's Sawtooth Mountains Whe...

"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have -- the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them." --The Big Book, page 124 I am grateful for my dark past. No, I'm not masochistic. It's just that we learn more from our losses than from our victories. Fortunately, my dark past only goes back 10 years or so, not somewhere along life's road miles before I came to this rest stop. If I hadn't driven through the dark past, I never would have come to know myself and how to repair the damage I caused to myself and others. Only because I had bad times did I find God and pray for His will to be done through me. I see results of that prayer every day. Stanley Lake in Idaho's Sawtooth Mountains When I lived in Idaho, I came to realize those beaut...

(Reprinted from my blog post July 29, 2018) I can't remember whether it was in high school or college when I stumbled through the pages of  Candide , an 18th century novel by Voltaire. I only remember this haunting sentence, repeated over and over when Candide confronts any horrific event: "All is for the best in this best of all possible worlds." That satirical refrain stuck with me, I guess, because I didn't know if I agreed with Candide's naivete or Voltaire's mockery of that philosophy. Take alcoholism, for example. The degradation of personality and health doesn't fit into a "best of all possible worlds." I felt embarrassed among friends and family and hated myself with a hatred I thought I could never forgive. Then I found God again. I believed I had found him every time before I relapsed, but the wicked voice inside me, tempting me, was stronger than God's. This current stretch of sobriety feels much different. For the first ...

My daughter has this hanging in her living room: I like it! Sometimes it seems as though God is silent, like He has left us on our own. That never happens. This is from The Purpose Driven Life , by Rick Warren ( https://pastorrick.com/ ): "When God seems distant, you may feel that he is angry with you.... It is a test of faith -- one we all must face: Will you continue to love, trust, obey, and worship God, even when you have no sense of his presence or visible evidence of his work in your life? ... God is always present, even when you are unaware of him...." In my drinking days, there were times I didn't feel like God was anywhere around me. Same with my wife. She was someplace else. I figured I could buy booze and have just a little drink, and neither God nor my wife would ever find out. The reality was that I was partly right -- my wife was with me, and both my wife and God found out I was sneaking drinks again. Then one of them dumped my bottle down th...

What is your passion? Me, I have several: family, Pirates, Steelers, Penguins, Louisville women's basketball. And my latest passion: helping alcoholics find God and recover. That latter passion is what happened to me. I have no desire whatsoever to drink. God is guiding my life, not me anymore. Let me return to The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren: "As you grow closer to him, he will give you a passion for something he cares about deeply so you can be a spokesman for him in the world. It may be a passion about a problem, a purpose, a principle, or a group of people . Whatever it is, you will feel compelled to speak up about it and do what you can to make a difference." (Emphasis added) I figure God isn't cheering for those teams I said I am passionate about. But He certainly cares about the last one: "helping alcoholics find God and recover." That's why I started this blog and part of the reason I attend A.A. meetings several times a week. I t...

Drinking too much causes more problems than we can shake a Schlitz at. If you haven't turned that problem around yet, I hope you find comfort in the knowledge that your higher power is with you all the time. Trust me on that. I mentioned The Purpose Driven Life previously ( https://pastorrick.com/ ). My beliefs don't mesh with author Rick Warren's Biblical and Christian beliefs (I think both have flaws), but much of what he wrote I highlighted and underlined. Maybe you can identify with this passage from the book: "Problems (like alcoholism) force us to look to God and depend on him instead of ourselves.... Everything that happens to you has spiritual significance. Everything! Romans 8:28-29 explains why: 'We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.'" Sobriety is all about God. If you haven't let God in yet, explore how you can open that door. A.A.'s...

I made it home safely from Idaho to Kentucky -- 26-foot U-Haul full to the brim towing a car. It took just 3 1/2 days. Pretty good time. Now my sister and brother-in-law will be living with us until he can find a job and earn enough money to afford an apartment. We have a big house, but suddenly doubling its occupancy is not without challenges. On the drive home, I re-read The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren ( https://pastorrick.com/ ). He writes about tests in our lives. God sometimes puts "challenging" people in our lives to test our willingness to love all. "Courtesy is respecting our differences, being considerate of each other's feelings, and being patient with people who irritate us.... These people may have special emotional needs, deep insecurities, irritating mannerisms, or poor social skills. You might call them EGR people -- 'Extra Grace Required.'" And in another chapter: "Every problem is a character-building opportunity, an...

"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have -- the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them." --The Big Book page 124 I am grateful for my dark past. No, I'm not masochistic. It's just that we learn more from our losses than from our victories. Fortunately, my dark past only goes back 10 years or so, not somewhere along life's road miles before I came to this rest stop.... If I hadn't driven through the dark past, I never would have come to know myself and how to repair the damage I caused to myself and others. Only because I had bad times did I find God and pray for His will to be done through me. I see results of that prayer every day. Stanley Lake in Idaho's Sawtooth Mountains When I lived in Idaho, I came to realize those...

[First published July 29, 2018] I can't remember whether it was in high school or college when I stumbled through the pages of  Candide , an 18th century novel by Voltaire. I only remember this haunting sentence, repeated over and over when Candide confronts any horrific event: "All is for the best in this best of all possible worlds." That satirical refrain stuck with me, I guess, because I didn't know if I agreed with Candide's naivete or Voltaire's mockery of that philosophy. Take alcoholism, for example. The degradation of personality and health doesn't fit into a "best of all possible worlds." I felt embarrassed among friends and family and hated myself with a hatred I thought I could never forgive. Then I found God again. I believed I had found him every time before I relapsed, but the wicked voice inside me, tempting me, was stronger than God's. This current stretch of sobriety feels much different. For the first time, I unde...

This past week has been a real beaute for me. My father-in-law died. I got a flat tire and needed my car towed to get it replaced. My cell phone died, and not all my settings, data, and contacts transferred to my new phone. Today is day 10 without a furnace with nighttime temperatures in the 30s and 40s. When I get the furnace fixed, the cost is estimated at $1,400. I  could use a stiff drink, followed by a loss of control, a blackout, a wife explosion, and a hangover that leaves me with the same original problems. Instead, I choose faith in God. "When you understand that life is a test, you realize that nothing is insignificant in your life. Even the smallest incident has significance for your character development. Every day is an important day, and every second is a growth opportunity to deepen your character, to demonstrate love, or to depend on God. Some tests seem overwhelming, while others you don't even notice. But all of them have eternal implications. "The...

"Was I being groomed for some special mission? What possible purpose could an existence like mine serve? When I wasn't drinking in crappy bars, I was home by myself reading: a life that was achingly lonely, and yet perversely designed to prevent anybody from ever getting close enough to really know me. -- Heather King, Parched That was me, all right! I discovered that quote online today.  ( https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/sobriety )   " What possible purpose could an existence like mine serve?" That's not a rhetorical question, but one I asked myself regularly. I didn't have an answer. but I had another drink to try to find one. Guess what? That never worked!" It wasn't until I tried sobriety that I found my answer. "Got never wastes a hurt! In fact, your greatest (reason for living) will likely come out of your greatest hurt.... Who could better help an alcoholic recover than someone who fought that demon and found freedom." (Ri...

I have chronic leg pain. Old age? The 29 marathons and one 50-miler I ran in my days as a running addict? I'm sore these days if I stand or walk for a while. That's Pain with a capital P. Today I want to write about a different kind of pain. A regular at my noon A.A. meeting yesterday vaguely described some psychological pain she is going through, and it's becoming harder and harder to avoid relief in a bottle. I spoke up that the A.A. promises we read at every meeting are real, but they don't promise that a sober life is a painless life: 1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. 2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. 3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. 4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. 5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. 6. That feeling of uselessne...

I lo ok forward to going to an A.A. meeting an hour from now. One thing I enjoy is the fellow ship. It's like church is supposed to be but too often isn't. I no longer have support from work colleagues; I was laid off and the company was sold. I'm not a "joiner" and so have no Moose or Elks or Brotherhood of the Beavers for companionship. I'm too poor for the country club. Thank goodness for A.A. We need others to heal, and then to stay healed. My guru, Rick Warren in The Purpose-Driven Life , advises, "If you're losing the battle against a persistent bad habit, an addiction, a temptation, and you're stuck in a repeating cycle of good intention-failure-guilt, you will not get better on your own! You need the help of other people."  ( http://purposedriven.com/books/pdlbook/ ) "...stuck in a repeating cycle of good intention-failure-guilt." I like that description. That tells exactly how it felt when I found myself in a pattern ...

Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. The writers of the Big Book italicized those words, not I. God as we understand him must be part of sobriety or sobriety doesn't work. I find God at the root of all that I read and all that I hear at A.A. meetings. Actually, Step 3 must be a part of everyone's lives, addict or not, in order to fully understand real joy, to maneuver through life's setbacks, to overcome our flaws, and to care about others. I like to quote The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren ( https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/the-purpose-driven-life-what-on-earth-am-i-here-for-by-rick-warren/247079/?mkwid=s|dc&pcrid=263432259749&pkw=&pmt=b&plc=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIt-r-5bHv3AIVQbXACh1qcQoAEAAYBSAAEgKB8fD_BwE#isbn=0310210747&idiq=5181304 ).   But that doesn't mean I always have to agree with everything it contains. On page 101 it says, "God is pleased when our love is accurate...

"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have -- the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them." --The Big Book page 124 I am grateful for my dark past. No, I'm not masochistic. It's just that we learn more from our losses than from our victories. Fortunately, my dark past only goes back 10 years or so, not somewhere along life's road miles before I came to this rest stop. Yesterday, I received a 90-day token at my AA home group meeting! I've been here before, but never with the joy I have discovered sober this time around. If I hadn't driven through the dark past, I never would have come to know myself and how to repair the damage I caused to myself and others. Only because I had bad times did I find God and pray for His will to be don...

I can't remember whether it was in high school or college when I stumbled through the pages of Candide , an 18th century novel by Voltaire. I only remember this haunting sentence, repeated over and over when Candide confronts any horrific event: "All is for the best in this best of all possible worlds." That satirical refrain stuck with me, I guess, because I didn't know if I agreed with Candide's naivete or Voltaire's mockery of that philosophy. Take alcoholism, for example. The degradation of personality and health doesn't fit into a "best of all possible worlds." I felt embarrassed among friends and family and hated myself with a hatred I thought I could never forgive. Then I found God again. I believed I had found him every time before I relapsed, but the wicked voice inside me, tempting me, was stronger than God's. This current stretch of sobriety feels much different. For the first time, I understand what A.A. people mean when t...

Here goes the last part of this series. I asked what drives your life. Rick Warren in  The Purpose-Driven Life  ( https://www.churchsource.com/rickwarren ) suggests five drivers that often distract us from what really  should  be driving our lives. Yesterday it was materialism. Today: The Need for Approval -- This was really me. I guess it still is. I was overwhelmed with a need to please my parents. I kept my hair a certain way, wore certain clothes, listened to certain music, and, for the most part, followed the rules of the house. Same in school. I remember being a tattletale. That didn't win approval from my classmates, but I believed I was grabbing positive attention from my teachers. It all seems silly now. "Unfortunately, those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it. I don't know all the keys to success, but one key to failure is to try to please everyone. Being controlled by the opinions of others is a guaranteed way to miss God's purposes for your ...

I asked what drives your life. Rick Warren in  The Purpose-Driven Life  ( https://www.churchsource.com/rickwarren ) suggests four drivers that often distract us from what really  should  be driving our lives. Yesterday it was fear. Today: Materialism -- Some are led by a desire to acquire. So what? If I have many possessions won't that make me happy, feel important and more secure? Nope. "Possessions only provide temporary happiness. Because these things do not change, we eventually become bored with them and then want newer, bigger, better versions." Second, possessions don't make us more important. "Self-worth and net-worth are not the same." And third -- more secure? Material things can be lost by theft, flood, fire, or sometimes divorce. (You know if I'm talking to you .) "Real security can only be found in that which can never be taken from you -- your relationship with God." God is the way to sobriety!

I asked what drives your life. Rick Warren in The Purpose-Driven Life  ( https://www.churchsource.com/rickwarren ) suggests five drivers that often distract us from what really  should be driving our lives. Yesterday it was anger and resentment. Today: Fear -- "Fears may be a result of a traumatic experience, unrealistic expectations, growing up in a high-control home, or even genetic predisposition." In my case as an adolescent, the fear that drove me was a fear of rejection. That's what kept me from asking girls to go out with me. I was afraid my life would be ruined if a girl told me "No." So I stood back and watched my friends be brave. While they were in the game, I was on the sidelines feeling alone. Whatever fear may drive you, it causes you to miss out on opportunities. You decide not to take risks and hope everything will turn out all right. "Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be."

I asked yesterday what drives your life. Rick Warren in The Purpose-Driven Life ( https://www.churchsource.com/rickwarren ) suggests  four drivers that often distract us from what really should be driving our lives: The past  has passed. Resentment and Anger -- Some of us would rather get even than get healthy. We bottle up our hurts and never get over them. Instead, we react poorly. "Some resentment-driven people " clam up " and internalize their anger, while others " blow up " and explode it onto others. Both responses are unhealthy and unhelpful." The past is gone. The person we think wronged us probably has forgotten about whatever it is that keeps you resentful. No one who hurt you in the past can continue to hurt you unless you allow it, "For your own sake, learn from it and then let it go."