Corking the Bottle

(First published June 22, 2018) It must have been the first time I watched  The Wizard of Oz . I was in first grade or younger; my sister was a year and a half younger than I. When the witch came on the screen -- although all we had was a black-and-white TV -- she was still scary enough that I can remember how that fear felt. My sister hid behind the couch and cried. I still feel fear, but it's a different kind. That movie was fight-or-flight fear. I felt threatened by danger, even though the danger was irrational. My fears these days remain irrational fears, like, will I make someone mad? Will people not like me? Will my kids give up on their alcoholic father? According to Dr. David D. Burns in  The Feeling Good Handbook ( https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Handbook-David-Burns-1999-10-28/dp/B017MYK3SU/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1529692806&sr=8-4&keywords=feeling+good+handbook ) , fear must be dealt with head-on. "When you avoid frightening situations, you simp...

(First published June 14, 2018 and edited today) I'm not very handy when it comes to fixing stuff. At one time, my excuse was no good tools. Now I have plenty of tools and no legitimate excuses. Repairs may take me a long time, but I can only blame lack of knowledge or lack of effort when I fail. I've got plenty of tools in ye olde toolbox. Same thing when it comes to drinking. I'm not so handy when it comes to fixing myself. But when I mess up, I don't degrade myself. I add another tool and sometimes get rid of the ones that aren't helping me. I started off going to A.A. meetings once in a while and going to a local government-supported therapy program. I soon found I needed more than those two tools alone. My toolbox is now full. I regularly: Have a sponsor. See a psychiatrist. See a therapist who exchanges notes with the psychiatrist. Take antidepressants and 500 mg of Antabuse, which is supposed to make me sick if I put alcohol into my system. Sti...

[First published June 22, 2018] It must have been the first time I watched  The Wizard of Oz . I was in first grade or younger; my sister was a year and a half younger than I. When the witch came on the screen -- although all we had was a black-and-white TV -- she was still scary enough that I can remember how that fear felt. My sister hid behind the couch and cried. I still feel fear, but it's a different kind. That movie was fight-or-flight fear. I felt threatened by danger, even though the danger was irrational. My fears these days remain irrational fears, like, will I make someone mad? Will people not like me? Will my kids give up on their alcoholic father? According to Dr. David D. Burns in  The Feeling Good Handbook ( https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Handbook-David-Burns-1999-10-28/dp/B017MYK3SU/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1529692806&sr=8-4&keywords=feeling+good+handbook ) , fear must be dealt with head-on. "When you avoid frightening situations, you simp...

[First published June 7, 2018] As I understand Freud, he spent a lot of time discussing childhood, relationships with parents, and the Oedipus complex. My psychiatrist turned me onto a book he thought might be helpful. Boy, he was right! I am now reading it for a second time. It is full of good stuff to help me get to the real root of my hangups. It's about cognitive therapy, which says my relationship with my father isn't all that significant. The book is  The Feeling Good Handbook , by Dr. David D. Burns. It would be difficult to delve into many specifics because the theory is hard to explain in a few short blog posts. (Burns' book is two inches and 729 pages including the index.) Maybe a website on cognitive theory will pique your interest. O ne to try is  https://www.cognitivetherapynyc.com/What-Is-Cognitive-Therapy.aspx . That site describes cognitive theory this way: "Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a relatively short-term, focused psychotherapy for a wide r...

I once associated loving myself with narcism. Feeling humble seemed the opposite of loving me. Instead, I have learned that loving myself has to come before loving anyone else. I can't give away what I don't have. Poor self-image is one of those character defects that leads to drinking and alcoholism. From The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns (https://feelinggood.com/ ): "But changing the way you feel is only one of our goals. The other goal is self-acceptance. I want you to learn to accept and love yourself as a flawed and imperfect human. I want you to accept your strengths as well as your weaknesses without a sense of shame or embarrassment." And this from Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch ( http://www.nealedonaldwalsch.com/ ) : "You must see your Self as worthy before you can see another as worthy. You must first see your Self as blessed before you can see another as blessed. You must first know your Self to be holy before you can ack...

Would've could've should've. Those are words that waste our time, mine included, Now that I am aware of those meaningless words, I am working to not use them. By thinking healthier, I am better able to avoid the sickness of alcoholism. I am helping my dear wife to quit with me. She is a "should've junkie:" "I should've brought a coat." "I should've ordered chicken instead of steak." "I should've worked out today." "I should've paid the bills yesterday." "I should've gone to bed earlier." And so on. You get the idea. So does David D. Burns, M.D., in The Feeling Good Handbook . ( https://feelinggood.com/  ) He identifies 10 ways to untwist your thinking. Number 8 is "The Semantic Method. Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. This method is helpful for 'should statements.' Instead of telling yourself 'I shouldn't have made that mi...

I blogged September 1 about shame. People suffering panic attacks do so out of a fear of being shamed in front of others. Instead of facing such fears, some run away to mind-numbing drinks and drugs. I blogged about the need to run toward fears and not away from them on August 30. Have a look back. Today I hope to visit anxiety, fear, and shame again, this time from the perspective of an anecdote about an antidote. It comes from The Feeling Good Handbook , by David D. Burns. ( https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2222.The_Feeling_Good_Handbook ) "One antidote to this fear involves purposely doing something foolish in public.... [Note from me: I do that all the time, but not "purposely."] The idea is to do what you're most afraid of so you can learn that the world doesn't come to an end after all.... I performed a 'Shame-Attacking' exercise while on vacation with my family at a casino resort on Lake Tahoe. I put on a cowboy hat and dark glasses and ...

It must have been the first time I watched The Wizard of Oz . I was in first grade or younger; my sister was a year and a half younger than I. When the witch came on the screen -- although all we had was a black-and-white TV -- she was still scary enough that I can remember how that fear felt. My sister hid behind the couch and cried. I still feel fear, but it's a different kind. That movie was fight-or-flight fear. I felt threatened by danger, even though the danger was irrational. My fears these days remain irrational fears, like, will I make someone mad? Will people not like me? Will my kids give up on their alcoholic father? According to Dr. David D. Burns in The Feeling Good Handbook ( https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Handbook-David-Burns-1999-10-28/dp/B017MYK3SU/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1529692806&sr=8-4&keywords=feeling+good+handbook ) , fear must be dealt with head-on. "When you avoid frightening situations, you simply make your problem worse.... Facing you...

As I understand Freud, he spent a lot of time discussing childhood, relationships with parents, and the Oedipus complex. My psychiatrist turned me onto a book he thought might be helpful. Boy, he was right! I am now reading it for a second time. It is full of good stuff to help me get to the real root of my hangups. It's about cognitive therapy, which says my relationship with my father isn't all that significant. The book is The Feeling Good Handbook , by Dr. David D. Burns. It would be difficult to delve into many specifics because the theory is hard to explain in a few short blog posts. (Burns' book is two inches and 729 pages including the index.) Maybe a website on cognitive theory will pique your interest. O ne to try is https://www.cognitivetherapynyc.com/What-Is-Cognitive-Therapy.aspx . That site describes cognitive theory this way: "Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a relatively short-term, focused psychotherapy for a wide range of psychological problems inc...