Just Say No to Know Until You Really Do Know

My problem was -- and always will be -- I don't know what I don't know.

When I was starting out in my career, I made a lot of mistakes. Why? Because I didn't know. For instance, I thought my view of things was the right and only way.
If only I could show others the way I was thinking, they would see I was right and would abandon their misconceptions.

Even in high school, as editor of the school paper, I could fix things with a well-worded editorial. What's wrong with people who didn't see the errors of their thought process?

It was that way with my drinking problem. I didn't know what I didn't know. I can do this, I thought. Mind over matter. I only will drink after 9 p.m. Easy. But home by myself all day and nowhere to go, why not start early? Just a little to ease my aloneness.

Okay, so that didn't work. So I will only drink on weekends while I am watching sports on TV. But I found instant replays in the bottom of my glass.

Okay, so that didn't work. I'll go to A.A. meetings, and that alone should fix my cravings. Naw, I couldn't wait to get home and drink; but just a little, I told myself. Then this emotional pain will leave me, and starting tomorrow -- no more.

Clearly, I didn't know what I didn't know. I know more now: A.A. meetings, putting God first, helping others, medication, accepting sole responsibility for my drinking, the Twelve Steps, a sponsor.... I filled my toolbox and, together, my assortment of tools fixed me. Just for today.

Don't think that you alone can stop drinking. Now I know I didn't know what I thought I knew then.