Avoidance And Defensiveness Can Warn of Relapse: Part 4 of 12
I hope this series of blog posts will enable you to recognize some symptoms of relapse. I meant well and tried hard, but I kept relapsing anyway. There was often a nagging little voice telling me to go ahead and try a drink. Maybe this series of blog posts will help you or a loved one break out of the relapse pattern sooner and easier than I did.
Terrance T. Gorski, co-author of Staying Sober, identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober (https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action.
Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common:
They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program;
They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol;
They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and outpatient counseling;
They had eventually relapsed to drinking despite 1-3.
π½ Believing you never will use again. You convince yourself you can let your recovery program slide because you are "cured." You don't share this belief with counselors, sponsors, or others because you fear confrontation.
π½ You become more worried about others' sobriety than taking care of yourself. You silently judge the drinking of others. This is called "working the other guy's program." Remember you can't give to others what you don't have yourself.
π½ Defensiveness. You feel reluctant to discuss personal problems for fear of being criticized. You get scared or angry when someone asks you about your recovery.
π½ Compulsive behavior. You start using compulsive behavior to take your mind off how uncomfortable you are feeling. You get stuck in old ruts in your thinking. You tend to do the same thing over and over for no good reason. You let others think you are the model of recovery with Step 12 work and chairing meetings. You talk a lot, but avoid casual involvement with people unless you can be in control.
π½ Impulsive behavior. You create problems for yourself by exercising poor judgment and impulsively doing stuff without thinking it through. This usually happens when you are under a lot of stress. Sometimes you feel bad but make excuses or blame others.
π½ Tendencies toward loneliness. You become uncomfortable around others and spend more time alone. Instead of trying to feel better around other people, like by attending more A.A. meetings, you become more compulsive about isolation.
Next up: Phase 4: Crisis building.
Terrance T. Gorski, co-author of Staying Sober, identified 11 phases of relapse in his book Staying Sober (https://www.amazon.com/Terence-T.-Gorski/e/B001JSA9K8). I hope you will find this series helpful enough to review again and again -- at once or in parts. An idea might be to checkmark symptoms in the 11 phases to see if you or a loved one is in danger of relapsing. Then take action.
Gorski's research involved 118 recovering patients who had four things in common:
They completed a 21- or 28-day rehab program;
They recognized they could never again safely use alcohol;
They intended to remain sober forever through A.A. and outpatient counseling;
They had eventually relapsed to drinking despite 1-3.
Symptoms and Warning Signs of Relapse
Phase 3: Avoidance and defensiveness. You believe you'll never use alcohol or drugs and avoid anyone or anything that will force you to be honest about how your thinking, feeling, and behavior have changed. You get defensive and tune out what others try to tell you:
π½ Believing you never will use again. You convince yourself you can let your recovery program slide because you are "cured." You don't share this belief with counselors, sponsors, or others because you fear confrontation.
π½ You become more worried about others' sobriety than taking care of yourself. You silently judge the drinking of others. This is called "working the other guy's program." Remember you can't give to others what you don't have yourself.
π½ Defensiveness. You feel reluctant to discuss personal problems for fear of being criticized. You get scared or angry when someone asks you about your recovery.
π½ Compulsive behavior. You start using compulsive behavior to take your mind off how uncomfortable you are feeling. You get stuck in old ruts in your thinking. You tend to do the same thing over and over for no good reason. You let others think you are the model of recovery with Step 12 work and chairing meetings. You talk a lot, but avoid casual involvement with people unless you can be in control.
π½ Impulsive behavior. You create problems for yourself by exercising poor judgment and impulsively doing stuff without thinking it through. This usually happens when you are under a lot of stress. Sometimes you feel bad but make excuses or blame others.
π½ Tendencies toward loneliness. You become uncomfortable around others and spend more time alone. Instead of trying to feel better around other people, like by attending more A.A. meetings, you become more compulsive about isolation.
Next up: Phase 4: Crisis building.
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