My Own Tips to Keep Your Holiday Dry as the Mojave

Yesterday I printed A.A.'s tips to keep your holiday season sober and joyous. I thought of some ideas the people at A.A. apparently missed:

1. Be like a lawyer and pass the bars.
2. Wear overstuffed mittens at all parties to prevent picking up liquid temptations.
3. If you've been working on the railroad, hide all spikes before they can be added to the punch.
4. Use bourbon balls to make eyes in your snowman. If it's a large package of bourbon balls, make lots of snowmen.
5. If someone gifts you a bottle of wine, buy a boat and christen it.
6. Rudolph's nose might be red from drinking too much. Keep your own nose its natural color.
7. If you feel tempted to take a drink, go out in the cold, where you can stay so-brrrr.
8. If you get lost in the snow and a St. Bernard with a keg around its neck finds you, sniff contents of keg before consuming.
9. If Grandma gets run over by a reindeer, breathalyze the reindeer and call an attorney.
10. Keep singing the words to John Lennon's Christmas Classic:

Sober this Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year sober
And a new one just begun...

And a very merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any beer

That's enough from me. You must have some ideas. Add them to the notes section so we end up with A.A.'s magical number 12 -- or more. Have a merry and sober Christmas, or whatever holiday you observe.