Corking the Bottle

I just finished a vigorous 40 minutes on my elliptical machine in the basement. I made a promise to myself -- that's different than a resolution that doesn't last through January -- to exercise regularly through the new year and beyond. This is one promise I have kept. Exercise should be a tool to handle your triggers. When I was in rehab, I walked and later jogged almost every afternoon. It's not foolproof. In days past I sometimes jogged when I was a little drunk. Exercise alone will seldom prevent relapses. But combined with other preventive tools, it can help Working out almost daily made me feel strong last summer when I hiked or did heavy-duty yard chores. Used to be I couldn't mow the front and back yards on the same day. Now I can mow everything and run the electric trimmer before the day gets too hot. I don't weigh myself. But my sagging gut is pretty much gone. The last time I went to the doctor was in August and I had lost about 20 pounds. All...

Happy Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for. One gratitude is, of course, for the gift of sobriety. This is my second sober Thanksgiving since drinking became a problem for me. I was sober other Thanksgivings, but drinking before and after caused problems on those other days. I am thankful for every day I don't drink. I have to be thankful for fear of complacency and relapse. Faith in God brought me to this point and I can never let my faith waver. If you are reading this on Thanksgiving, may God bless you with the joy that comes from sobriety. If you are reading this on one of the other 364 days, give thanks to God for whatever it is you have to be thankful for on this day. Even active drinkers should have a long list of gratitudes. God loves us all the same.

When I enjoyed it, I couldn't control it. When I controlled it, I couldn't enjoy it. I heard someone say that at an A.A. meeting one time and wrote it down. I thought it was a good description of my own drinking. I never drank with plans to black out or pass out. I drank because I enjoyed it. But I'm only going to enjoy one drink, maybe two, I told myself. I never measured liquor with a shot glass. I just poured it into my juice or pop; enough that it tasted good. Often, I did enjoy two drinks. Then I lost control. Sometimes, after I was sober, I was upset that the vodka bottle was so empty. I couldn't remember drinking that much. When I enjoyed it, I couldn't control it. So I quit drinking. Maybe that lasted for a whole week or so. But I couldn't enjoy that. So I drank again. It was a downward spiral. My life is different now. I can control my drinking and I never enjoyed life so much. I can feel God's presence everywhere I go. I can feel Him gu...

I found this in my notes about character defects that I wrote down four years ago. Don't take credit for the good or blame for the bad. Learn from the bad and change it; build on the good. Don't look back. You can only change the present, never the past. Satchel Paige said it better: "Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you." Stay in the now. I've written before about mindfulness and how important it is in my struggles against character defects. Look here for some tips about mindfulness, living in the moment.    https://www.wikihow.com/Live-in-the-Moment

Why do I bother writing this blog? Does anyone read it? Does anyone care? Does publishing about my alcoholism bring others to judge me with scorn? I believe God led me to start this blog, and that many if not all my posts here are inspired by Him. Therefore, if waving my alcoholism flag for all to see brings me any shame, I can get over it knowing God is using me to save one -- maybe many -- from the demon rum. One of the early A.A. pioneers said it well in the Big Book, page 253: "If I go around shouting from the rooftops about my alcoholism, it might very possibly prevent me from getting a good job. But supposing that just one (person) died because I had, for selfish reasons, kept my mouth shut? No. I was supposed to be doing God's will, not mine. His road lay clear  before me, and I'd better quit rationalizing myself into any detours. I could not expect to keep what I had gained unless I gave it away." So here: I give it away to you!

This is longer than I usually like to post in this blog. But it's worth it, and I hope you agree when you read it to the end. It's from a Facebook group, Faces and Voices of Recovery. The Good Samaritan, Pay it Forward, go the extra mile, love thy neighbor.... There are many morals to this story. Be inspired! Amanda Marker Sleeping under the bridge 💔 . There was a time when I slept at Four Freedoms Park on Cape Coral Parkway far more than I care to admit... If you go to that park during the day, there are people sometimes laying in the grass, enjoying the sun and the view, looking out over the water... I could lay down & catch a few z’s then but at night, CCPD was all over you. The north Fort Myers bridge was close to all the cheap dope and there was a spot you could crawl under it and walk across a few pieces of wood to get way up under it where no one could see. Hiding from the police, yes, but also hiding from the shame of my situation. ...

Cindy said something at A.A. that I thought was very perceptive. She usually goes on about her health, her daughter, and her mother. This goes to show it pays to always be listening or some valuable gem might remain unearthed. "I feel sorry for people out there who don't drink," Cindy said, "because it's so much harder for them to find themselves." Hey, I was lost for a long time and didn't even know it. I probably still would be wandering among the tall weeds if I hadn't found God, and thus myself, as I sobered from drinking. Working the Twelve Steps was eye-opening. I think most important to me were the Fourth Step and Fifth Step. I made a moral inventory of myself, looking deep inside of me to identify my shortcomings. Then I admitted to myself, to God, and to another human being (my sponsor) those wrongs I identified in Step Four. I still work on my flaws. Before, I didn't recognize those flaws, so how the heck was I supposed to imp...

I'm sharing a post I came across the other day. T Rose Rcvry  shared a  post . Conversation Starter   Complacency in this part of your Life, recovery journey ...will lead you right back to addiction. You must engage the solution and address the root causes of  why you used. We all have at least one thing. Some of us have multiple things. Either way..  😔 Until they're dealt with completely, they will stay there holding on to u for that moment of weakness and attack u... Telling you that... 😈  1 last time is OK. .. We all know that big trap / lie!  💀 Be strong face ur past and pains, then let go of what no longer serves ur recovery. 💜 Rose  💞 🌹 🦋 ❣️ 🥀 🌷

My childhood friend, David, posted this on Facebook. He beautifully says what we need to do to turn our lives around. Emphasis and parenthetical addition at the end are mine: At times, we must be driven to the point of distraction before we are ready to turn difficult sit uations over to God. Anxiously plotting, struggling, planning, worrying—none of these suffice. We can be sure that if we turn our problems over to God, through listening to others share their experience or in the quiet of meditation, the answers will come. How do we begin the process of letting God guide our lives? When we seek advice about situations that trouble us, we often find that God works through others. When we accept that we don’t have all the answers, we open ourselves to new and different options. A willingness to let go of our preconceived ideas and opinions opens the channel for spiritual guidance to light our way. There is no point in living a frantic existence. Charging through life like th...

Today's A.A. Daily Reflection is about prayer. I never pray on my knees. I no longer pray with eyes closed, head bowed, or hands folded. I learned those acts of devotion in church as a wee lad. Now I'm not a wee lad and I don't go to church, for several reasons I won't go into now. Instead, my higher power is part of my unconscious, just as he is in you and in everyone through Jung's theory of collective unconscious. That's how God knows our thoughts and hears our silent prayers. I pray throughout the day, sometimes silently and, when it  won't embarrass me, out loud. God is like the invisible friend I had when I was little. Heck, maybe I was in touch with God then and Loodie was in reality God. It's not preposterous. If you can believe there was no such thing as women until God took Adam's rib and added meat and skin to it, then grant me the privilege to believe God's home is in all of our minds. I'll close by pasting below the quota...

"Drinking: Suicide for the faint of heart." I watched a movie early this morning called Infamous . It's about Truman Capote's interviews with the murderers of the Clutter family, the basis of the book and movie, In Cold Blood . Capote told killer Perry Smith about his childhood and the suicide of his mother, who took an overdose of pills. Smith said he lost his mother to suicide as well, but her death was from alcohol abuse. "Drinking: Suicide for the faint of heart," Capote said softly. How true! When we drink too much and too often in an attempt to kill some pain, we share a link with someone who commits suicide with pills, a gun, a slash to the wrists, or a leap from a bridge. It's all suicide. But suicide by drinking -- that's the slow, painful way out for the faint of heart.

The Trump impeachment hearings began today. I have an observation, but I'll do my best to keep my own brush strokes out of the picture. I have strong views on the subject, but you wouldn't nor shouldn't care. These hearings are a waste of taxpayer dollars because they won't change anyone's opinion. Both sides have their minds made up about the outcome. They come into it with a point of view they will use to judge any of the testimony. They dismiss opposing opinions and clamp onto words that reflect their point of view. I have opinionated Facebook friends who accept only rhetoric that backs their opinion, while calling anything else a lie. John attacks often: Under Trump There is no ally we will not abandon There is no promise we won’t break There is no treaty we won’t abrogate There is no dictator we won’t bow to There is no honor There is no civil justice There are no equal rights Make America Great Again? Not so much... Cheryl fights right back:...

Size is a relative thing. So is temperature. So, too, are age and time. Do you realize this year's freshman class in college largely wasn't born when Y2K arrived? I have season tickets to University of Louisville women's basketball. Literally -- don't laugh -- I wear shirts older than anyone on the team. After I left the world of newspapers, I worked for six companies. None of them exist any more. I was 50 when the last of those companies was bought out and I lost my job. I tutored and worked as a communications consultant (until that consulting firm was bought out and moved to Denver), but -- literally again -- I was, in effect, retired, like it or not. I had a couple job interviews, but nothing came from them. That's about the time my drinking got out of hand. My life was changing in ways I hadn't planned. For the first time, I lost most of the control in my life. I saw that the only thing that never changes is change. Then I found security with ...

As I grew up (that means in my 20s and 30s) I thought miracles happened only in Biblical times. Furthermore, I wasn't all too sure they truly happened even then. I've never been handed any stone tablets on any mountain. I never killed thousands of people -- or even one -- by following God's pre-battle instructions before I attacked some unfortunate city. No fish ever swallowed me, no burning bush ever spoke to me, and the Ohio River never parted so that I could walk to Indiana. No, none of the biggies. But what I had been missing were the little miracles around me every day. God was at work and I never noticed. Not until I freed myself from alcohol -- a miracle itself -- was I able to witness God at work through me and others. Israel Baal Shem wrote, "The world is full of wonders and miracles, but man takes his little hand and covers his eyes and sees nothing." Connie, an A.A. friend, described little miracles as "God Winks." I like that. Somet...

I am a fan of Evanescence and lead singer Amy Lee. I was listening to her songs on YouTube when I came across one that blew me away. From comments below the video, this song was never released and was recorded in 1999 when Amy still was a teenager. Read the lyrics, but don't stop there. Please! Go the song and listen; the web address is below. It comes across as someone struggling to find a Higher Power to take the disease in her veins away. She has lost all faith in.... Well, see for yourself and think about your struggles with drinking and searching for a better you. Away from Me I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll. I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds. But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to: Lost all faith in the things I have achieved. And I, I've woken now to find myself in the shadows of all I have created. I'm longing to be lost in you. Won't you take me away from me? Crawling through this world as disease ...

Here is more from the Dr. Phil show I encouraged you to watch earlier. ( https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-ssl-001&hsimp=yhs-001&hspart=ssl&p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.drphil.com%2Fshows%2Fblack-and-blue-blackout-drunk%2F#id=2&vid=f92308c4a4ba8d33367ee4313910e4cf&action=view ) At .10 Slurred speech, poor judgment Coordination, motor skills, balance impaired Uninhibited, slow thinking, emotionality At .20 All the disabilities from .01 Disoriented, uncoordinated Double vision, blackouts, aggressive Vomiting, gag reflexes impaired (may choke on vomit) At .25 All of the above Mental, physical, sensory severely impaired Possible loss of consciousness High risk of choking on vomit At .30 See above, plus: Medical emergency zone May pass out Tremors, memory loss, possible death At .35 Breathing and heart rate decrease Lose bladder control; passed out on the floor in a pool of your own urine Possible death is 50% At .40 Dif...

My brain was fried when I was drinking. I didn't drink to have a good time. I drank to kill the brain cells that were making me hurt. But alcohol doesn't discriminate between brain cells. In my last post I blogged about a sobering (pun intended) episode of Dr. Phil. Have a look back at it. In it, the good doctor listed effects and defects to the brain when we drink: Slower Clumsier Dumber Irresponsible Unpredictable Immature Impulsive Our brain becomes a version of itself. So whatever you started with goes straight downhill, according to Dr. Phil. Alcohol limits parts of the brain from communicating with other parts. What is going on in our heads when we reach .08, the legal definition of drunk? Tune in tomorrow.

I watched Dr. Phil last week and got scared. I mean really, really scared. The guest was an alcoholic -- a blackout fall-down drunk. What scared me was he was just like I used to be. If I hadn't found help and if I hadn't found faith in God, I would still be like him. Or dead. You can watch the show at  https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-ssl-001&hsimp=yhs-001&hspart=ssl&p=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.drphil.com%2Fshows%2Fblack-and-blue-blackout-drunk%2F#id=2&vid=aef121448c652f58ef1e1f8050cdd3b5&action=click . I know you're busy and may not want to take 38 minutes to watch the commercial-free broadcast. That's why for the coming blog posts I am going to pull some statistics and facts and maybe some quotes because it's all really good stuff. If you aren't ready to stop drinking, at least look at his face after one of his many falls. That could have been me. Or you???

I've reprinted some alcoholism quotes before from   https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/alcoholism . I think it's worth passing on some more to save you from looking up this site for yourself. “I felt empty and sad for years, and for a long, long time, alcohol worked. I’d drink, and all the sadness would go away. Not only did the sadness go away, but I was fantastic. I was beautiful, funny, I had a great figure, and I could do math. But at some point, the booze stopped working. That’s when drinking started sucking. Every time I drank, I could feel pieces of me leaving. I continued to drink until there was nothing left. Just emptiness.” ―  Dina Kucera,  Everything I Never Wanted to Be “Perhaps people felt there was nothing more they could do, you know? After all, how can someone be helped who doesn’t see the need? A Christian counselor I saw for a while described such situations as, “a White Elephant everyone can see but no one wants to deal with; everyone ...