Corking the Bottle

(Reprinted from June 29, 2018) When it comes to hands, I'm not very handy. When it comes to following written instructions, A+B=3 for me. I set the directions to anything aside and try to figure out how all the pieces go together and in what order. I  always  have to tear it apart and start over. If the directions are sketches without words, I find nothing in real life looks like the illustrations. And when the instructions are comprised of both words  and  pictures, I might as well go straight to the Japanese translation because that will do me just as much good. Thank the God of my choice that life comes with instructions. They are called the 12 Steps.  They're not just for alcoholics and addicts, but for anyone looking for a better life. Unfortunately, few people follow them. See    https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-121_en.pdf For me, those steps once were a staircase to nowhere. It wasn't until I spent 28 days at The Brook in Louisville, ...

Drinking too much causes more problems than we can shake a Schlitz at. If you haven't turned that problem around yet, I hope you find comfort in the knowledge that your higher power is with you all the time. Trust me on that. I mentioned The Purpose Driven Life previously ( https://pastorrick.com/ ). My beliefs don't mesh with author Rick Warren's Biblical and Christian beliefs (I think both have flaws), but much of what he wrote I highlighted and underlined. Maybe you can identify with this passage from the book: "Problems (like alcoholism) force us to look to God and depend on him instead of ourselves.... Everything that happens to you has spiritual significance. Everything! Romans 8:28-29 explains why: 'We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.'" Sobriety is all about God. If you haven't let God in yet, explore how you can open that door. A.A.'s...

Today was the first time Brittany attended our noon A.A. meeting. She said she is working on Step 1 with her sponsor, but was uncertain how long that should take. I spoke up. Baseball is different from most other sports. There is no clock. You play the game until it's over. Each inning goes on for as long as it takes to finish it. Then you start the next one. A.A. is like baseball, except there are 12 steps instead of nine innings. Each step, just as each inning, takes as long as it takes to finish it. A day, a week,  year.... There is no clock in A.A. When you feel confident you have played out a step, you start the next one. I thought my metaphor was a home run.

(First published June 22, 2018) It must have been the first time I watched  The Wizard of Oz . I was in first grade or younger; my sister was a year and a half younger than I. When the witch came on the screen -- although all we had was a black-and-white TV -- she was still scary enough that I can remember how that fear felt. My sister hid behind the couch and cried. I still feel fear, but it's a different kind. That movie was fight-or-flight fear. I felt threatened by danger, even though the danger was irrational. My fears these days remain irrational fears, like, will I make someone mad? Will people not like me? Will my kids give up on their alcoholic father? According to Dr. David D. Burns in  The Feeling Good Handbook ( https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Handbook-David-Burns-1999-10-28/dp/B017MYK3SU/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1529692806&sr=8-4&keywords=feeling+good+handbook ) , fear must be dealt with head-on. "When you avoid frightening situations, you simp...

I made it home safely from Idaho to Kentucky -- 26-foot U-Haul full to the brim towing a car. It took just 3 1/2 days. Pretty good time. Now my sister and brother-in-law will be living with us until he can find a job and earn enough money to afford an apartment. We have a big house, but suddenly doubling its occupancy is not without challenges. On the drive home, I re-read The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren ( https://pastorrick.com/ ). He writes about tests in our lives. God sometimes puts "challenging" people in our lives to test our willingness to love all. "Courtesy is respecting our differences, being considerate of each other's feelings, and being patient with people who irritate us.... These people may have special emotional needs, deep insecurities, irritating mannerisms, or poor social skills. You might call them EGR people -- 'Extra Grace Required.'" And in another chapter: "Every problem is a character-building opportunity, an...

This is the last time I can write for about a week and a half. I am flying tomorrow for northern Idaho, where I will help my sister and her husband load a rental truck and drive to Louisville. They will live with us until they get back on their feet and recover from their financial debacle. My sister had cancer a few years ago and is still recovering from that plus some other ailments. Her husband has been working night shift at a boys' home far up a mountain and making little money. My family has been on their case for years to move back closer to "home," which is western Pennsylvania. Kentucky will be close enough. Tell me how I could pull this stunt off and help them if I was still drinking? Could I last the whole time without a drink? Or would I have to have a nip now and then and drive drunk? Maybe just a little bit drunk, I would tell myself. Instead, I have been stone cold sober for more than a year; therefore, I can help my sister and brother-in-law start a ...

Sorry this is so long. I edited it for brevity. What is left, I think, is worth reading and considering. For quite a while, I felt a stigma attached to my alcoholism, and so tried to hide my disease. Later, I came to realize I needed to be open about it if I was going to help others recover. That's why I started this blog and announced my addiction to my Facebook friends. Stick with today's post and see if you see reasons why a stigma comes at the bottom of a bottle. The Deadly Stigma of Addiction By  Dr. Richard Juman   12/05/12 Is it possible to separate the disease of addiction from the stigma?  The new definition of addiction The idea that those with addictive disorders are weak, (immoral), deserving of their fate and less worthy of care is so inextricably tied to our zeitgeist (a  thought  or feeling characteristic of a particular period of time)  that it’s impossible to separate addiction from shame and guilt.... Stigma impacts ...

I finished reading God Is for Real today ( https://www.heavenlive.org/god-is-for-real ). Much of it I agree with, some of it I don't. What struck me in Chapter 21 was Todd Burpo's parallelism with A.A.'s Twelve Steps without him mentioning them per se. "God smiles at your spiritual steps just as you applaud a child's physical ones. What if you envisioned God's commands as steps? Steps can take you up a stairway that brings you closer to Him. Steps can also take you higher in your relationship to others as each steps takes your character higher too." That's Step 2, Step 3, and Step 12. See all 12 Steps below. A few pages later: "Is a grudge holding you back? Is there someone you hold something against, or who holds something against you? If so, it is time to put that to rest, and ... make that right." Clearly Step 9. Then: "...make a list of those you need to reconcile with, and do what it takes to love them and forgive them w...

Dottie celebrated 12 years of sobriety this week at A.A. She has been an inspiration to me many times. She said Monday, "I'm supposed to give it away. I don't know what IT is or where IT is, so if I give IT away, it's an accident." Your friends at your birthday answered your question. You have it. And you have given it to many. Elbert Hubbard wrote, "The love we give away is the only love we keep." Someone else once observed, "Kindness is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back." In my mind, I can't give away sobriety if I don't have it to give. My purpose is to stay sober and share the gift of sobriety with others. That's why I write this blog. I have IT. And I'm giving IT to you if you will take it.

I found this in a discussion group I am part of, Faces & Voices of Recovery. If you battle cravings, it's worth a look. The woman is annoying, but it's the message that counts, right? Amber Hollingsworth  shared a  link . 14 hrs There is some really good advice in this video on managing cravings and it's part of a 30 day jump start series that you can find on the YouTube channel called Put The Shovel Down (Playlist is Recovery Concepts). This series is perfect for keeping you inspired, motivated, and helping you navigate the obstacles in early recovery. YOUTUBE.COM 5 Tips For Managing Drug and Alcohol Cravings (Recovery Concepts #28) Addiction Counselor Amber Hollingsworth gives 5 tips for managing drug and alcohol cravings. These tips…

J.T.: Thanks for the analogy you shared with me today. God put us together so that I could pass it along on my blog site. It's not exactly the way you told it, but my readers will get the point anyway. At one time, I had trouble accepting God and putting Him first. My life was so confused I knew I needed to give my life to Him if I was going to turn things around. I started by giving God my house and all it contained. I stood in the living room: "God, my living room is yours." I went into the kitchen: "God, my kitchen is yours." And so on. "God, my bathroom is yours." "God, my dining room is yours." "God, my study is yours." But when I came to my closet, I found I couldn't give it to God. After all, I needed something to still be mine. "Please, God. My closet is where I keep all my secrets. All my character defects, all my mistakes, all I've ever done wrong I keep locked in this closet. I can't give you eve...

The desire to live is instinctive. The mass shootings that have become so prevalent leave people diving for cover and spending years healing from the terror. Birds at my feeder out front fly away from me quickly, even though I am the one who lovingly fills their feeder every few days. Instincts tell them people are a threat to their well-being and even to their lives. Drinking alcohol excessively is a threat to our well-being and to our lives. Yet many persist. Some of us eventually sense the danger and fly away. For others, drinking is a way of life -- and of death. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12) describes this contradiction: "When men and women pour so much alcohol into themselves that they destroy their lives, they commit a most unnatural act. Defying their instinctive desire for self-preservation, they seem bent upon self-destruction. They work against their own deepest instinct. As they are humbled by the tremendous beating administered by alcohol, th...

This is June, the sixth month. A.A.'s Daily Reflections relate to Step Six: "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." Let's look at Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions , an A.A. book often called the 12 and 12. The chapter about Step Six tells all of us how we can rid ourselves, not only of alcohol, but of all of the inner demons that bedevil us. The solution is God. Turn all our defects, including addictions, over to God. It means waving our white flag and surrendering. "Sure, I was beaten, absolutely licked. My own willpower just wouldn't work on alcohol. (My own footnote: Add A.A., therapy, group therapy, inpatient treatment, and my wife's anger to this list.) I simply couldn't stop drinking, and no human being could seem to do the job for me. But when I became willing to clean house and then asked a Higher Power, God as I understood Him, to give me release, my obsession to drink vanished. It was lifted right out o...

Many claim they couldn't be free of alcoholism till they reached rock bottom. I fell to a low spot, but I was still digging when God lifted me from the pit. I have been reading God Is for Real by Todd Burpo. ( https://images.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?p=god+id+real+burpo&fr=yhs-pty-pty_email&hspart=pty&hsimp=yhs-pty_email&imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn.shopify.com%2Fs%2Ffiles%2F1%2F1178%2F6522%2Fproducts%2FGod_is_for_Real_by_Todd_Burpo_author_of_Heaven_is_for_Real_-_hard_cover_from_www.Art-SoulWorks_9b597825-6810-4991-bca1-d64968ff47e8_large.jpg%3Fv%3D1506742633#id=0&iurl=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn.shopify.com%2Fs%2Ffiles%2F1%2F1178%2F6522%2Fproducts%2FGod_is_for_Real_by_Todd_Burpo_author_of_Heaven_is_for_Real_-_hard_cover_from_www.Art-SoulWorks_9b597825-6810-4991-bca1-d64968ff47e8_large.jpg%3Fv%3D1506742633&action=click ) Nuts, that's a long link. Sorry. I want to quote from the book about rock bottom: "Have you reached the end of yourself? Are you clos...

I know who I am and whose I am. I heard that at some A.A. meeting and wrote it down. It is true of me today, but I haven't always been able to make that claim. I thought I knew who I was. I was talented at my jobs, I was a loving husband, I was my children's hero, I was smart, I knew where my life was going. Pish posh! I flew too high. It all came crashing down on me, and the only way to get back on top was to change the way I felt. I chose alcohol to kill the pain long enough for me to regroup. It didn't work. It took me time to realize I wasn't who I thought I was. I wasn't who God wanted me to be. Drinking was one more albatross around my neck. Yeah, I flew too high, and then I was sinking fast. I found out whose I was. I don't know how that happened or I would share that miracle with you. Finding God took time. It took listening to people who were already there, reading books, exploring my real innerself, finding love, letting go of fear. My th...

(First published June 21, 2018) I used to be the community relations manager for a chemical plant. Part of my job was meeting people, talking about our operations, and listening to concerns. "I can smell it, so I know that's why I feel bad all the time." Too often, the monologue went like this: I have breast cancer. My husband died of lung cancer. Our son has asthma. I know of at least six people on my street who have had cancer. I'm ready to sue y'all. Son, go out to the car and bring me my cigarettes." No one can say if our emissions were the cause of cancer or asthma or the common cold. One out of four people will get cancer no matter where they spend their lives. We worked on reducing emissions and odors constantly, but we were dealing with odoriferous chemicals that evaporate easily. It's like the gasoline smell when you fill up your car. It's like baking bread and keeping all that wonderful odor out of the house. Some molecules escape and ...