I Found Me In a Trash Pile Out Back

I know who I am and whose I am.

I heard that at some A.A. meeting and wrote it down. It is true of me today, but I haven't always been able to make that claim. I thought I knew who I was. I was talented at my jobs, I was a loving husband, I was my children's hero, I was smart, I knew where my life was going.

Pish posh!

I flew too high. It all came crashing down on me, and the only way to get back on top was to change the way I felt. I chose alcohol to kill the pain long enough for me to regroup. It didn't work.

It took me time to realize I wasn't who I thought I was. I wasn't who God wanted me to be. Drinking was one more albatross around my neck. Yeah, I flew too high, and then I was sinking fast.

I found out whose I was. I don't know how that happened or I would share that miracle with you. Finding God took time. It took listening to people who were already there, reading books, exploring my real innerself, finding love, letting go of fear.

My therapist recommended a book to me, "A Return to Love," by Marianne Williamson. I haven't bought it yet, but today I noticed that suggestion in my notebook. I searched around on the internet and found this quote:

“Sometimes people think that calling on God means inviting a force into our lives that will make everything rosy. The truth is, it means inviting everything into our lives that will force us to grow—and growth can be messy. The purpose of life is to grow into our perfection. Once we call on God, everything that could anger us is on the way (out). Why? Because the place where we go into anger instead of love, is our wall. Any situation that pushes our buttons is a situation where we don’t yet have the capacity to be unconditionally loving. It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to draw our attention to that, and help us move beyond that point.” 
― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love

I gave up drinking and discovered who I am and whose I am. My world changed -- and is changing -- for the better.