The Shadow Knows

Here is something that is confusing to me.

"According to Carl Jung, at the very core of our humanness exists a dualism -- the shadow and the light. Before we can manifest our light and become that winged bird, we must first come to know and accept our shadow." (Jacqueline Small, Awakening in Time   https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/jacquelyn-small/awakening-in-time/)

I have worked to minimize and erase the personality disorders I have become aware of by working the Twelve Steps. One important defect is self-centeredness and a feeling of superiority. I feel like I have made good progress toward that goal. People at A.A. meetings show me we are all the same in God's eyes, but with unique strengths and weaknesses. That's the way God made us.

My wife still accuses me of thinking only of myself. So does my youngest sister.

So am I not seeing myself clearly for what I am? Are they trying to boost their own self-esteem by projecting their issues at me? Or maybe, in my wife's case at least, there's a codependency thing at work here such that she seeks to make me codependent by putting down the me I have become.

See my confusion? I don't know. If my self-centered defect remains with me, I need to recognize my shadow self and deal with it appropriately. Please, God. May I see the real shadow in me or understand that this shadow belongs to others.

Here's more from Awakening in Time: "The shadow is our holy grit: its sacred purpose is to bring all our unconscious, denied feelings into conscious awareness. It makes such a fool of us with its antics that it forces us to get real and deal with the parts of ourselves we're trying to skip over.... Trying to keep our shadow hidden is like trying to hold a ball under water."