Climbing Steps 8 and 9 in Our Own Time
My knees are stiff these days when I go up and down steps. Crack, crack, pop! It's from running in yesteryears or from old age. I tell myself it's the former, as I grab the handrail and semi-hop when I descend.
A.A.'s 12 Steps, I admit, are no easier than tangible steps. I know the cause of that pain: too many years of drinking, denying, lying, stealing.... you know the litany. In working the steps, I had to take a hard look internally and face down my personal demons. The result is a more centered individual who no longer has to hold so tight to the intangible handrail.
I completed the first seven steps as an inpatient. I continually review and work at the last three. That leaves just Steps 8 and 9. In Step 8 we are supposed to make "a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." Step 9 tells us to make "direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
(Aside: Here is an A.A. illustrated copy of the 12 Steps I like: https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-55_twelvestepsillustrated.pdf)
Eight and Nine scared the bejeebers out of me. A few months ago, I did a less-than-thorough list of persons harmed. It's a good start. But direct amends; face to face; eyeball to eyeball? Ouch!
I had lunch with my sponsor to ask for his perspective. He told me he had difficulty with those two steps also. He pointed out that nowhere are we required to knock on doors or make phone calls out of the blue to make our amends. He advised me to be patient and wait for the right moment.
I am ashamed of the crud I did during drinking bouts and don't want to cough up my amends out of the cold. I don't want to clean out that septic tank. But, as my sponsor advised, I can take as long as I need to make those amends at just the right moments.
I feel much better now about Steps 8 and 9. I am staying sober and working on my spiritual growth. That's what should really count, I think.
A.A.'s 12 Steps, I admit, are no easier than tangible steps. I know the cause of that pain: too many years of drinking, denying, lying, stealing.... you know the litany. In working the steps, I had to take a hard look internally and face down my personal demons. The result is a more centered individual who no longer has to hold so tight to the intangible handrail.I completed the first seven steps as an inpatient. I continually review and work at the last three. That leaves just Steps 8 and 9. In Step 8 we are supposed to make "a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." Step 9 tells us to make "direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
(Aside: Here is an A.A. illustrated copy of the 12 Steps I like: https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-55_twelvestepsillustrated.pdf)
Eight and Nine scared the bejeebers out of me. A few months ago, I did a less-than-thorough list of persons harmed. It's a good start. But direct amends; face to face; eyeball to eyeball? Ouch!
I had lunch with my sponsor to ask for his perspective. He told me he had difficulty with those two steps also. He pointed out that nowhere are we required to knock on doors or make phone calls out of the blue to make our amends. He advised me to be patient and wait for the right moment.
I am ashamed of the crud I did during drinking bouts and don't want to cough up my amends out of the cold. I don't want to clean out that septic tank. But, as my sponsor advised, I can take as long as I need to make those amends at just the right moments.
I feel much better now about Steps 8 and 9. I am staying sober and working on my spiritual growth. That's what should really count, I think.
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