Corking the Bottle

All the world's a stage, according to Shakespeare. Oscar Wilde said it more accurately with, "The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast." I have a leading role, I'm afraid. And as an alcoholic, I find the world's actually four stages. The stages of alcoholism are spelled out at  http://www.addictioncampuses.com/blog/the-4-stages-of-alcoholism-for-the-functioning-alcoholic/ . I will go through the stages and my experience in each. Stage 1: Occasional alcohol abuse and binge drinking -- I drank once in a while. No problem, eh? I drank too much on weekends when I was home alone and my wife worked. If I had no place to go, I was fine drinking and sleeping my way through dull days. Stage 2: Increased drinking as a coping mechanism -- After I was laid off from my job of 16 years, I filled my time tutoring, working for a consulting firm, and drinking in between. This was my depressed period. I denied to myself and those close to me that I was depressed o...

I am Facebook friends with many people I graduated high school with 45 years ago (almost to the exact day!). Some of them I hung around with in school and out. But many of them I barely knew. Some I can't remember at all. But each one brings to the keyboard some kind of wisdom. They are parents and grandparents. Some have strong political views. Some have good jobs. Some, like me, are retired. All have contributed to society and other former classmates in some way. When I was in high school, I rarely and barely spoke to some of these "friends." If they weren't getting all A's and B's in the classroom, as I was, they wouldn't amount to much after graduation. Was I right or was I right? I figured they would end up working on a steel mill floor, waiting on customers at  Kaufman's, or dumping trash cans into a truck. Yes, I was that arrogant! I still had a touch of better-than-youism when I started with AA. At least there, I knew we all shared at ...

I don't believe in exorcising spirits, but I sure do believe in exercising spirits. No priest or holy water are required for the latter. A good pair of shoes and maybe some Gatorade and you are all set to exercise. Your spirit will soon be in good spirits. Working out is essential to the health of all, but an alcoholic needs workouts as much as an AA sponsor to feel well again. After I finish writing this post, I will brave the Kentucky heat to take a brisk walk through my neighborhood. It's a far cry from my prime when I ran marathons and often 20-plus mile training runs. Bad knees, old age, and alcohol have all taken a toll on my physical well-being. Nevertheless, I can't allow myself to collect cobwebs in my easychair. So I walk. Or use my elliptical machine in the basement. Or cut grass and do other yard work. If going to the gym, riding a bike, or swimming are more your athletic cup of tea, go for it. Just do something to raise your heart rate for at least 30 min...

I shared with my A.A. home group members today that I started this blog. I explained I felt I had heard God speak to me and tell me writing these posts would help me and help others. God's suggestion came as a bump in the night -- except it was daytime and I was sitting in the sunlight on the back porch. Nevertheless, trust me: It went bump. I pray. But more important, I have conversations with God throughout the day. Sometimes it's to express gratitude for something, sometimes is to ask for health and safety of loved ones.... Heck, sometimes it's even to ask for health and safety of strangers when they drive like maniacs. By speaking to God, I can hear His will for me. Sometimes. I ask daily for Him to let me know His will, then help me carry it out. That's what led me to start this blog. When I was a wee little lad, I had an invisible playmate named Loodie. It just occurred to me that maybe Loodie was really God. Hmmm. It's worth me considering this new idea...

This is a big day for me. I am going to Cincinnati to watch my Pirates play the Reds. I grew up near Pittsburgh and, although I moved away a long time ago, I remain loyal to its sports teams. I have seen lots of games in Cincinnati, mostly when Pittsburgh is in town. The beer is too expensive to tempt me (It was like $8 a shot last year), but I miss a cold beer on a hot day while watching baseball. Those were relaxing and stress-relieving days. I got addicted to Devil's Distilled Drinks, not beer. But I am told that beer will lead to the same consequences that the hard stuff does. It is unfortunate I have to give up beer with baseball. I just hope I am wise enough to understand that it's better to give up beer (even on $1 beer night) than my liver. This evening I will concentrate on baseball with a clear mind. Beat 'em Bucs!

"That's gratitude for ya!" I've heard that a lot and maybe said it myself at least once or 99 times. These days I am working on not expecting gratitude. If I go out of my way for someone, I do it out of love and caring, not recognition. The other side of this nickel is being sure to express my gratitude to others, even for the little things. When someone lets me out into the traffic flow, I wave my gratitude. I was treated to lunch today, and I certainly thanked my host. If you read my first entry to this blog, you will see that I lost my gratitude to God. I expected Him to go easy on me. Styx sang, "I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high." That was me. I forgot it wasn't my brains or beauty that made my life so comfortable. It was God. I lost a lot from those days past, including my sobriety. Now I thank God for sun when it's sunny, rain when it's raining, and a day of sobriety when I don't drink. Today's A.A. Daily Refl...

I have been told and read since I was knee-high to a bourbon barrel that alcoholism is a disease. That's still my opinion and I'm sticking to it. But a book I am currently reading, Scripts People Live by Claude Steiner, contains a different view (page 233). I will save you the wordy reasoning, but he writes that "real" diseases require micro-organism changes to some organ. No such bodily alterations cause mental illnesses and no drugs cure them, leaving afflictions like addictions as un-diseases. He goes on to claim, "At present no drug has proven effective to cure depression, madness, or drug abuse ... since these tragic scripts are not the result of chemical or micro-organismic changes in the body but the result of the scripted interactions between people.... Thus, alcoholism is not an illness." Not so fast, Claude. The Big Book disagrees. So do Staying Sober authors Terrence T. Gorski and Merlene Miller (page 39-40): "Addiction is a physical ...

I often hear newbies wonder if they have an alcohol problem. For me, the best evidence is if I can make my planned last drink of the day really my last drink. And do I find myself thinking of alcohol and looking forward to my next close encounter of the fifth kind? I found some other symptoms of alcoholism when I looked over https://www.cliffsidemalibu.com/happens-negative-impacts-alcohol-become-unbearable/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpo- is a broad category to considerymfiR2wIVTb7ACh1HkAnGEAAYAiAAEgIdpfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds "For those who are on the fence, there's another important question to ask: Has alcohol negatively impacted your health? Though health and wellness is a broad category to consider, the most specific thing to look at is physical health. Do you ever wake up with 'the shakes?' Have you noticed more intense bouts of anxiety or depression? Do you feel foggy or forgetful? Have you sustained any physical injuries due to drinking? "While the above are on...

I grew up as part of a family active in church. There, people told me what to believe. And I did believe. But later in my adult life, I became disillusioned with formal religion as it was taught to me. In my community relations job, I had become painfully aware of basic needs being unmet all around us. But for the most part, churches didn't know or else didn't care. I no longer felt religious, but I still believed in God. What's up with that? It wasn't until I got into A.A. that I learned religion and spirituality are different. I can be spiritual: love God, pray, seek to do God's will, and don't judge others' spirituality . I believe there is one God, but how I perceive Him is up to me. We choose our own higher power. I had never seen spirituality from this perspective. Where you find your higher power doesn't matter. Just find it! One of my favorite books is Awakening in Time , by Jacquelyn Small. She writes, "When we honor the higher power...

Everything happens for a reason -- even alcoholism. I'm still searching for my reason, but I know it's out there somewhere. I must stop relapsing, learn patience, and trust God. Maybe my reason for drinking is to remake my character. Maybe my reason is to write this blog. Maybe one or more of you who read this site will be inspired in some way. I dunno. But there must be a reason for my Buick to steer into a ditch. I like what the Big Book says on page 457.  "So as I have worked the program, I have grown emotionally and intellectually. I not only have peace  with  God, I have the peace  of  God through an active God consciousness. I not only have recovered from alcoholism, I have become whole in person -- body, spirit, and soul." It is a paradox, but alcoholism is helping me become a better person.

I heard a couple good one-liners at my A.A. home group meeting today. Jim: "What keeps us from being happy? We don't let go of the things that make us sad." I am guilty as charged. Sometimes. Mark: "If I drink, my problems will have puppies."

One of my character defects that led me to become addicted to alcohol was my longing for the past. As I outlined in yesterday's post, I had a great life that eventually soured. I lost most of what I had lived for. Or so it seemed to me. I learned in group at Better Alternative Counseling (https://www.facebook.com/Better-Alternative-Counseling-117661414962309/) that I needed to live in the moment. I couldn't return to the past, and I couldn't plan my way into someday getting back all I had "lost." Live in the moment! Here is a video that explains why living in the  moment is a healthy way of being. It lasts 4:16.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci4Wg6MFcT4 I rounded up a few quotes (https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/live-in-the-moment) you may find inspirational: “What day is it?" It's today," squeaked Piglet. My favorite day," said Pooh.”  ―  A.A. Milne “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your ete...

I am an unusual drunk. I never drank as a kid. As a young and middle-aged adult, I drank socially; yeah, sometimes too much, but I wasn't thinking about my next drink afterward. I had a wonderful childhood raised by teetotalling parents who loved each other and taught me to love. I was a straight-A student. I decided in high school to become a journalist and took advantage of writing opportunities in and outside of school. I landed a part-time sports writing job at our county newspaper. This led to a full-paid scholarship based on writing ability. I graduated a year early, got a job as news bureau manager in my mother's hometown where I still had lots of relatives, and jumped into work even before my commencement exercises. I married my childhood sweetheart at the same time I started a public relations job, where my salary doubled overnight. A feature story I wrote led me into marathon running, and I ran dozens of races through the next decades. While in college, I voluntee...