How could Hiding in a Bottle Ease Shame and Fear?
I blogged September 1 about shame. People suffering panic attacks do so out of a fear of being shamed in front of others. Instead of facing such fears, some run away to mind-numbing drinks and drugs. I blogged about the need to run toward fears and not away from them on August 30. Have a look back.
Today I hope to visit anxiety, fear, and shame again, this time from the perspective of an anecdote about an antidote. It comes from The Feeling Good Handbook, by David D. Burns. (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2222.The_Feeling_Good_Handbook) "One antidote to this fear involves purposely doing something foolish in public.... [Note from me: I do that all the time, but not "purposely."] The idea is to do what you're most afraid of so you can learn that the world doesn't come to an end after all....
I performed a 'Shame-Attacking' exercise while on vacation with my family at a casino resort on Lake Tahoe. I put on a cowboy hat and dark glasses and got on a crowded hotel elevator with my two children. Then, at every floor, from the twelfth floor down, I called out the numbers. I had to force myself to blurt out, 'This is floor number eleven,' because I told myself, 'My gosh! What will all these people think of me?'
"It was much like the feeling just before you jump off a high dive for the first time. People began to chuckle more and more at each floor as I continued to announce, 'Tenth floor . . . ninth floor . . . . By the time we reached the main floor, everybody was laughing and giggling. As we walked off the elevator and the passengers merged with the crowd, I realized that nothing terrible had happened. It turned out to be a lot of fun to make 'a fool' of myself. This helped me feel more relaxed and willing to be spontaneous around other people."
I used to try a different tactic to face fear and avoid shame: I drank. I guess it worked because I couldn't remember what I had been so afraid of. For those times I still could remember, a
few more drinks and I was ready to move on.
When anxiety over some fear causes you to stop in your tracks, ask yourself, "What's the worst that can happen?" After all, the worst that can happen is better than the worst that can happen when you drink away your anxiety.
I performed a 'Shame-Attacking' exercise while on vacation with my family at a casino resort on Lake Tahoe. I put on a cowboy hat and dark glasses and got on a crowded hotel elevator with my two children. Then, at every floor, from the twelfth floor down, I called out the numbers. I had to force myself to blurt out, 'This is floor number eleven,' because I told myself, 'My gosh! What will all these people think of me?'
"It was much like the feeling just before you jump off a high dive for the first time. People began to chuckle more and more at each floor as I continued to announce, 'Tenth floor . . . ninth floor . . . . By the time we reached the main floor, everybody was laughing and giggling. As we walked off the elevator and the passengers merged with the crowd, I realized that nothing terrible had happened. It turned out to be a lot of fun to make 'a fool' of myself. This helped me feel more relaxed and willing to be spontaneous around other people."
I used to try a different tactic to face fear and avoid shame: I drank. I guess it worked because I couldn't remember what I had been so afraid of. For those times I still could remember, a
few more drinks and I was ready to move on.
When anxiety over some fear causes you to stop in your tracks, ask yourself, "What's the worst that can happen?" After all, the worst that can happen is better than the worst that can happen when you drink away your anxiety.
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