"I Should've Written About Something Else Today" -- WRONG!
Would've could've should've. Those are words that waste our time, mine included, Now that I am aware of those meaningless words, I am working to not use them. By thinking healthier, I am better able to avoid the sickness of alcoholism.
I am helping my dear wife to quit with me. She is a "should've junkie:"
"I should've brought a coat."
"I should've ordered chicken instead of steak."
"I should've worked out today."
"I should've paid the bills yesterday."
"I should've gone to bed earlier."
And so on. You get the idea. So does David D. Burns, M.D., in The Feeling Good Handbook. (https://feelinggood.com/ ) He identifies 10 ways to untwist your thinking. Number 8 is "The Semantic Method. Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. This method is helpful for 'should statements.' Instead of telling yourself 'I shouldn't have made that mistake,' you can say, 'It would be better if I hadn't made that mistake.'"
Returning to my sweet wife:
"I would be more comfortable if I had brought a coat. Next time I will."
"I didn't order chicken because steak sounded so good."
"I missed my workout today, but I'll get up early enough to exercise tomorrow."
"I can pay bills today. None are late anyway."
"I am a little tired today, but I chose to watch a really good movie last night
. I'm glad I stayed up."
Dr. Burns says twisted thinking leads to bad feelings. "One of the great strengths of cognitive therapy is its enormous flexibility. Eventually you will learn to talk back to your self-criticisms. When you do, you will experience a profound transformation in your spirit and in your outlook on life."'
By the time you beat yourself up with would've could've should've, it's too late to do what you would've could've should've done anyway. Live in the present moment and don't second-guess yourself.
I am helping my dear wife to quit with me. She is a "should've junkie:""I should've brought a coat."
"I should've ordered chicken instead of steak."
"I should've worked out today."
"I should've paid the bills yesterday."
"I should've gone to bed earlier."
And so on. You get the idea. So does David D. Burns, M.D., in The Feeling Good Handbook. (https://feelinggood.com/ ) He identifies 10 ways to untwist your thinking. Number 8 is "The Semantic Method. Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. This method is helpful for 'should statements.' Instead of telling yourself 'I shouldn't have made that mistake,' you can say, 'It would be better if I hadn't made that mistake.'"
Returning to my sweet wife:
"I would be more comfortable if I had brought a coat. Next time I will."
"I didn't order chicken because steak sounded so good."
"I missed my workout today, but I'll get up early enough to exercise tomorrow."
"I can pay bills today. None are late anyway."
"I am a little tired today, but I chose to watch a really good movie last night
. I'm glad I stayed up."
Dr. Burns says twisted thinking leads to bad feelings. "One of the great strengths of cognitive therapy is its enormous flexibility. Eventually you will learn to talk back to your self-criticisms. When you do, you will experience a profound transformation in your spirit and in your outlook on life."'
By the time you beat yourself up with would've could've should've, it's too late to do what you would've could've should've done anyway. Live in the present moment and don't second-guess yourself.
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