Corking the Bottle

I stopped writing this blog because, upon checking the stats regularly, I had zero visitors most of the time. To continue blogging would be for my own therapy and no one else's. I want to share what I have learned about life and abstinence along my journey to a lasting sobriety. Maybe some nugget will help someone else -- if they read it. So I decided to turn my musings into a book. I started writing this book last year by copying and pasting my daily posts. I haven't worked on this for months, but I seek inspiration to begin again in earnest. Then (fingers crossed) I will find a publisher. I felt from the start God wanted me to write this blog. Now I feel He is leading me in a slightly different direction. Whether you are ingesting this message via blog or book, I invite you to eat it all up, meditating on the messages that apply to you and passing up what doesn't. Somewhere in these words, I hope that God is leading you to a place where you need to be led. That's what...

I've been going to A.A. meetings again the past two weeks as we ease out of coronavirus restrictions. At this morning's meeting, Darrell lamented his past. "I hated to look in the mirror. It looked like the lights were on but nobody was home."

God led me to A.A., then A.A. led me to God.

I am doing my part to halt the spread of the coronavirus. I wash my hands and use hand sanitizer. I wear a mask in public. I leave my house only when I have a real need. And this morning, I had a covid-19 test. It's no longer necessary to display symptoms to get a test. Kentucky Governor Beshear, during his daily news briefings, encourages all to take a test. I made an appointment online. There was no waiting. I drove up, cracked my window, and received a swab and a vial. Sticking that baby up my nose made me sneeze like crazy, That was the only discomfort. For my effort I received a mask, tissues, and a bottle of hand sanitizer. No charge. The hand sanitizer has the consistency of water -- or whiskey -- not like lotion. According to the label, it consists of 80% alcohol. Eighty percent? Do you know what I would have been tempted to try to do with that if I was still drinking and was out of booze? Yuk! But if I could drink a bottle of mouthwash back in my crazy days, I pr...

Running long distances was my passion. I ran races anywhere from 6.2 miles to 50 miles. Compared to other runners I was okay, but certainly not a standout. What mattered was competing against myself by reducing my time. The bottom line was keeping fit and healthy and, unlike my father, living to be older than 49. I was maybe in my prime when my knee started bothering me. I ran through it. Don't let a little bit of pain slow me down, I thought. Rub some dirt on it and sign up for another race. Ignore the problem and it will go away. It didn't work out that way. I eventually had to see a doctor. After arthroscopic surgery and a long recovery, I went back to running. My knee still hurt and kept getting worse. I ignored the problem. It still didn't go away. "Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit," wrote M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled ( http://www.mscot...

I drank to numb myself from hurts and negative feelings. In doing so,  I have come to find out I also numbed my feelings of joy, happiness, creativity, love...all my positive emotions. We need to accept our pains so that we don't numb ourselves to the glory of living. “We cannot  selectively numb  emotions. When we  numb  the painful emotions, we also  numb  the positive emotions. Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”  -- Brene Brown

Dr. Phil talks to a woman nearly four years in sobriety who understands the need we have to be around others. It's short. https://www.drphil.com/videos/treatment-center-supervisor-discusses-challenge-of-serving-clients-during-covid-19-pandemic/

This woman is 10-months sober, living in a treatment facility, and trying to maintain her sobriety. Here is her brief interview with Dr. Phil. https://www.drphil.com/videos/isolation-especially-in-recovery-can-be-a-very-big-no-no-says-woman-who-is-10-months-sober/

Are you staying sober during the pandemic? Here is a Dr. Phil interview with a woman who started drinking every day to stay "comfortably numb." Have a look. It lasts less than five minutes. https://www.drphil.com/videos/woman-adhering-to-stay-at-home-orders-says-she-drinks-nearly-every-day-to-keep-her-mind-off/ t Here is the conclusion to the above. The woman confesses she is self-medicating. https://www.drphil.com/videos/mom-of-4-admits-to-drinking-daily-while-sheltering-at-home-with-kids/ I don't want to be like her. So far I am sober as a nun.

Rumination is an unhealthy response to stress. It's an inability to let go of something, which can lead to depression, which can lead to withdrawal from other people. For more, listen to Dr. Ramani Durvasula,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4E2JzmIraw . She goes on to say that normal anxiety is a fear of something that is real. Being afraid of snarling dogs is not anxiety; it's a normal response. Likeways, being anxious during a pandemic is normal. Don't sweat it. Accept it, Ask God to help you control the feelings you can control and give you the serenity to accept those things you have absolutely no control over. Feeling in control can mean avoiding the temptation to self-medicate with alcohol. If you are anxious about getting sick, about your elderly parents getting sick, about the loss of a job, about a dried-up bank account, these feelings are normal. No one, including you, is to blame. A video by Dr. Tracey Marks ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtZaMdOy4K8 )...

I need today to divert today from my usual theme of sobriety and seeking a higher power. Instead, I will share a passage from The Endless Practice , by Mark Nepo ( https://www.amazon.com/Mark-Nepo/e/B001JOVBDG?ref_=dbs_p_pbk_r00_abau_000000 ). I don't know what he was trying to say, but he hit a bullseye in today's battle against coronavirus. This is dedicated to doctors, nurses, paramedics, firefighters, and others who are on the front line battling covid-19. "That we go numb along the way is to be expected. Even the bravest among us who give their lives to care for others, go numb with fatigue when the heart can take in no more, when we need time to digest all we meet. Overloaded and overwhelmed, we start to pull back from the world, so we can internalize what the world keeps giving us. Perhaps the noblest private act is the unheralded effort to return: to open our hearts once they have closed, to open our souls once they have shied away, to soften our minds once...

There's nothing wrong with being afraid. Face fear. Find love, says Elizabeth Gilbert. https://insighttimer.com/elizabeth_gilbert_writer/guided-meditations/facing-fear-with-a-compassionate-heart?fbclid=IwAR1wiZP4cJX-uyPbBavbNCqZbFWwsqCm8pBlAdTYGvLpWspKPA08y8ZOXsw&utm_campaign=app-share&utm_medium=GuidedMeditation&_branch_match_id=774680537262589907&utm_source=Email

Alcoholics Anonymous is a church, only freeer. "Freeer?" "More free" sounds better. Either way, I've come to see many similarities between A.A. and church congregations, but with important differences, too. In A.A., people come from different economic status, different races, different life stories, different backgrounds. Churches are like that too, but sadly some don't provide the diversity of A.A. Both are (or think they are) cordial and welcoming, and members attend for one reason: sobriety for one, worship for the other. Both preach helping others. Singleness of purpose (a Higher Power) glues both groups together. But A.A. and churches have some differences, for sure. A.A. has no structure, no hierarchical leadership, no paid positions. If A.A. were to tighten its ropes, it would lose the casual feel that cries, "Keep coming back." Churches have a way of complicating things. A.A. tells us to love God and people, act justly, lo...

Which wolf do you feed? We are in control of how we feel. The right choice can come only after we stop drinking.

Whether you're a fan of Dr. Phil or not (I am, but he annoys me sometimes), he comes up with good stuff and hosts some knowledgeable experts. That's true as he helps viewers deal with coronavirus from his kitchen at home. Yesterday he interviewed psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen. (Never forget that name. Lemme hear you say "Amen!") He claims some anxiety is good for you because it leads you to take proper safety measures. The students on spring break flooded the beaches and ignored the corona threat by not distancing themselves from others. They weren't anxious about the illness. Then they carried covid-19 back north to their grandparents and others. So a little stress can protect us. However, chronic stress damages the hippocampus part of the brain, which controls memory and mood. Sleep -- 7 1/2 to 8 hours a night -- and exercise restore the hippocampal cells. So does proper nutrition. Amen mentioned onions, mushrooms, and garlic in particular. He adds that wri...

Coronavirus doesn't exist. Think positively. If there is a coronavirus, it will go away without affecting me, my family, or my friends. That's what I call "positive thinking." In reality, that's what I call hogwash. Wait. I do believe in positive thinking. But what exists in my "Pleasantville" doesn't exist in Louisville.  People get sick. Divorce happens. Domestic violence exists. The police shot and killed someone's brother, son, and maybe father downtown yesterday because he pulled a weapon on police. Bad stuff like covid-19 exists. So do rainbows and butterflies. God gets us through the bad stuff and enables us to enjoy the good stuff. He tests us in many ways. My alcoholism was a test. It wasn't God's will, but He used my addiction to make me a better person once I emerged from the darkness of the disease. Have faith in a Higher Power, and this too will pass. I opened up a book I read sometime back and came across a passage ...

The covid-19 scare is accompanied by our old nemesis, stress. I used to deal with stress by drinking. And then drinking some more. That didn't work very well for me (Understatement!). If it works for you I'm thinking that you wouldn't be reading this blog. I recently finished Sacred Rest by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith. Searching the internet for more pearls of wisdom I came across an entire clam bed. Today I want to take you to her 10 steps for dealing with stress: In our desperation to cope with stress, we often turn to unhealthy quick fixes, whether it’s binge eating, drinking or smoking.  However, there are healthy ways to lower stress levels and most of them don’t require much time, money or expertise.  Chronic stress has been linked to a variety of lifestyle diseases, including heart disease and diabetes, which is why it cannot be ignored. 1. Meditation If you can look past some of the pseudoscientific mumbo jumbo surrounding meditation, you’ll be pleasantly sur...

My friend Woody directed me to this reminder in Facebook. It applies to struggling alcoholics, quarantined pandemic victims, lonely shut-ins, and all people all the time. Don't lose sight of the wonderful gifts God gives us every day. The rest of this article is worth reading as long as you don't get sick of scrolling through the ads.   https://iheartintelligence.com/always-be-grateful-for-what-you-have-no-matter-how-hard-life-gets/?fb=iis&fbclid=IwAR3RiXRnZilGasb_DQ4mrr41fZNVciI0TkK3lBMt3AFgF53_WNooweTKCw8 ...There are people around us who love and support us unconditionally. We have a family that stands by us from the very beginning of our lives. What’s more, we have friends who will always be there for us, no matter what. All of these loving human beings around us are the greatest treasure we can ask for. They give us strength, they give us love, they give us reasons to be alive. We should be grateful for each and every one of them....

I am taking advantage of staying put so I don't participate in spreading the coronavirus, in part, by watching TV shows I've recorded. This afternoon, it's the 1935 version of A Tale of Two Cities . After being acquitted for treason, Charles Darnay dines with his defense lawyer, a drunk named Sydney Carton, and asks him why drink so much. Carton says, "You are smug, Mr Darnay, to ask why people drink, but I will tell you. So that they can stand their fellow men better. And after a few bottles, I might even like you." I can identify. I found little quarrel with others during and after drinking. Some drunks are fighters, some are lovers. I clearly was the latter. Now sober, I find God to be a much better catalyst to tolerate my fellow men. God wants us to love everyone, even those hard to love. Since I seek to do God's will, I now find it easy to care about others; maybe even "stand (my) fellow men."