Corking the Bottle

New Year's resolutions don't work. Those people take 365 days at a time. We alcoholics know resolutions have to be achieved one day at a time; even one minute at a time. That works better than 525,600 minutes at a time. Resolutions tend to go in one year and out the other. Stay sober tonight, my friends.

[First published June 10, 2018] Mark at A.A. today quoted someone he had heard sometime. "I can. He can. I think I'll let him." Huh? Look at the first three Steps. Step 1.   "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that or lives had become unmanageable."      I can! Step 2.  "Came to believe a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."      He can! Step 3.   "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."      I think I'll let Him!

I went to a funeral this week. It was for a 49-year-old mother of seven, grandmother of eight that I know of. When her oldest five kids were little, I wanted to show them a different way of life. They may have had love from their mother, but not much else. I took them out to eat, to sports events, to the Science Center, to my house for sleep-overs.... I cared a lot about their futures and wanted to be a positive influence on their poverty-burdened lives. They are all in their 20s and 30s now. Two are in jail on drug charges. One is in the hospital. Two are MIA addicts. Only two of the seven kids were there. The fourth-oldest greeted me with a long, tight hug. He had made -- and has to pay -- all the funeral arrangements on his own. At least he was there. And I was there. And some of the grandkids were there. But the chapel was mostly empty. None of the deceased's six brothers and sisters were there. No nieces. No nephews. Few friends. The woman OD'd last week. So there ...

It's not what's under the tree but what's around it.

I just spent one of my best Christmases ever. Of course I spent it sober. I am approaching eight months, my best streak without slips or relapses. I went to Grove City, Pennsylvania, along with my wife, my older daughter, and my mother-in-law. We had a family lunch with all my family and all my wife's family. We had about 20 people. The only ones missing were my younger daughter and a sister, who both live out West. This was a long trek away from my worst Christmas ever, three years ago. We planned the same family get-together seven hours from Louisville. I was looking forward to it, but not to the long trip. I relaxed the night before with enough vodka to help me sleep, and a little more so I could be semi-conscious the next morning. I don't remember a lot. I got a phone call from my wife. She was on her way to Pennsylvania without me. She said she tried to wake me up but couldn't. So she and my daughter left without me. That meant all my family saw I was missing in ...

[First published June 10, 2018] "I never worry about being driven to drink. I just worry about being driven home." "I never drink gin before breakfast." "I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."      -- W.C. Fields, 1880-1946 Laugh at your problems. Everybody else does.      -- Anonymous

[First published June 9, 2018] I just watched  Days of Wine and Roses  starring Jack Lemmon and Lee  Remick  (1962) It's a story of an alcoholic couple who loved each other and loved  their  daughter. It took Jack Lemmon (Joe) several tries to stay sober. Lee  Remick  (Kirsten) had a tougher time. In the end, Joe had to tell Kirsten they couldn't be together any more until she wanted and received help.  [ Joe offers to reconcile with Kirsten - but only if she quits drinking ]  "You remember how it really was? You and me and booze - a threesome. You and I were a couple of drunks on the sea of booze, and the boat sank. I got hold of something that kept me from going under, and I'm not going to let go of it. Not for you. Not for anyone. If you want to grab on, grab on. But there's just room for you and me - no threesome." The TV hostess said Jack Lemmon and Director Blake Edwards both drank heavily together during the filming, iro...

[First published June 7, 2018] As I understand Freud, he spent a lot of time discussing childhood, relationships with parents, and the Oedipus complex. My psychiatrist turned me onto a book he thought might be helpful. Boy, he was right! I am now reading it for a second time. It is full of good stuff to help me get to the real root of my hangups. It's about cognitive therapy, which says my relationship with my father isn't all that significant. The book is  The Feeling Good Handbook , by Dr. David D. Burns. It would be difficult to delve into many specifics because the theory is hard to explain in a few short blog posts. (Burns' book is two inches and 729 pages including the index.) Maybe a website on cognitive theory will pique your interest. O ne to try is  https://www.cognitivetherapynyc.com/What-Is-Cognitive-Therapy.aspx . That site describes cognitive theory this way: "Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a relatively short-term, focused psychotherapy for a wide r...

[First published June 4, 2018] I carry in my wallet at all times my six Defenses to fend off relapse temptations. Yours will be different than mine; you need to come up with what will help you. After I share my Defenses, I will then share a secret with you. 1. Do something else. Take a walk, go to a meeting, etc. 2. Read some self-help books, including but not limited to the Big Book. 3. Eat something spicy or sweet. 4. Call my sponsor or someone else who can help -- including my very own little sister. 5. Call my wife. 6. Start over with #1. Now for the secret I promised. Every time I relapse I ignore my six Defenses. I decided I wanted to drink and doggonit I don't want anything to stop me. After all, I can quit anytime, I will just drink a little at a time, I will only drink at night, I will only drink on weekends, blah blah blah. Write down your own defenses.  And then follow them!!!

I am going in for hand surgery today. I have what's called a trigger finger and carpal tunnel. I also have arthritis in my thumbs, but no surgery can help that. I will be anesthetized.  My hand will be heavily bandaged afterward, so I don't know if I will be able to blog for a while. They tell me I won't experience any pain after the surgery, so I  won't need any pain killers. No pain killers is good news for recovering alcoholics. Some drugs interact, and our brains may be easily addicted to to certain medications. I used to have a list of such drugs from my first out-patient treatment at JADAC here in Louisville, but I can't find it. So instead, here is some advice from Be Med Wise ( http://www.bemedwise.org/medication-safety/medication-interactions ): "Alcohol can cause moderate to serious, and in some cases even fatal, interactions with more than 150 medications, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism ( https://www.niaaa.ni...