Corking the Bottle

I've been going to A.A. meetings again the past two weeks as we ease out of coronavirus restrictions. At this morning's meeting, Darrell lamented his past. "I hated to look in the mirror. It looked like the lights were on but nobody was home."

God led me to A.A., then A.A. led me to God.

I am doing my part to halt the spread of the coronavirus. I wash my hands and use hand sanitizer. I wear a mask in public. I leave my house only when I have a real need. And this morning, I had a covid-19 test. It's no longer necessary to display symptoms to get a test. Kentucky Governor Beshear, during his daily news briefings, encourages all to take a test. I made an appointment online. There was no waiting. I drove up, cracked my window, and received a swab and a vial. Sticking that baby up my nose made me sneeze like crazy, That was the only discomfort. For my effort I received a mask, tissues, and a bottle of hand sanitizer. No charge. The hand sanitizer has the consistency of water -- or whiskey -- not like lotion. According to the label, it consists of 80% alcohol. Eighty percent? Do you know what I would have been tempted to try to do with that if I was still drinking and was out of booze? Yuk! But if I could drink a bottle of mouthwash back in my crazy days, I pr...

Running long distances was my passion. I ran races anywhere from 6.2 miles to 50 miles. Compared to other runners I was okay, but certainly not a standout. What mattered was competing against myself by reducing my time. The bottom line was keeping fit and healthy and, unlike my father, living to be older than 49. I was maybe in my prime when my knee started bothering me. I ran through it. Don't let a little bit of pain slow me down, I thought. Rub some dirt on it and sign up for another race. Ignore the problem and it will go away. It didn't work out that way. I eventually had to see a doctor. After arthroscopic surgery and a long recovery, I went back to running. My knee still hurt and kept getting worse. I ignored the problem. It still didn't go away. "Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit," wrote M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled ( http://www.mscot...

I drank to numb myself from hurts and negative feelings. In doing so,  I have come to find out I also numbed my feelings of joy, happiness, creativity, love...all my positive emotions. We need to accept our pains so that we don't numb ourselves to the glory of living. “We cannot  selectively numb  emotions. When we  numb  the painful emotions, we also  numb  the positive emotions. Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”  -- Brene Brown

Dr. Phil talks to a woman nearly four years in sobriety who understands the need we have to be around others. It's short. https://www.drphil.com/videos/treatment-center-supervisor-discusses-challenge-of-serving-clients-during-covid-19-pandemic/

This woman is 10-months sober, living in a treatment facility, and trying to maintain her sobriety. Here is her brief interview with Dr. Phil. https://www.drphil.com/videos/isolation-especially-in-recovery-can-be-a-very-big-no-no-says-woman-who-is-10-months-sober/

Are you staying sober during the pandemic? Here is a Dr. Phil interview with a woman who started drinking every day to stay "comfortably numb." Have a look. It lasts less than five minutes. https://www.drphil.com/videos/woman-adhering-to-stay-at-home-orders-says-she-drinks-nearly-every-day-to-keep-her-mind-off/ t Here is the conclusion to the above. The woman confesses she is self-medicating. https://www.drphil.com/videos/mom-of-4-admits-to-drinking-daily-while-sheltering-at-home-with-kids/ I don't want to be like her. So far I am sober as a nun.

Rumination is an unhealthy response to stress. It's an inability to let go of something, which can lead to depression, which can lead to withdrawal from other people. For more, listen to Dr. Ramani Durvasula,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4E2JzmIraw . She goes on to say that normal anxiety is a fear of something that is real. Being afraid of snarling dogs is not anxiety; it's a normal response. Likeways, being anxious during a pandemic is normal. Don't sweat it. Accept it, Ask God to help you control the feelings you can control and give you the serenity to accept those things you have absolutely no control over. Feeling in control can mean avoiding the temptation to self-medicate with alcohol. If you are anxious about getting sick, about your elderly parents getting sick, about the loss of a job, about a dried-up bank account, these feelings are normal. No one, including you, is to blame. A video by Dr. Tracey Marks ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtZaMdOy4K8 )...

I need today to divert today from my usual theme of sobriety and seeking a higher power. Instead, I will share a passage from The Endless Practice , by Mark Nepo ( https://www.amazon.com/Mark-Nepo/e/B001JOVBDG?ref_=dbs_p_pbk_r00_abau_000000 ). I don't know what he was trying to say, but he hit a bullseye in today's battle against coronavirus. This is dedicated to doctors, nurses, paramedics, firefighters, and others who are on the front line battling covid-19. "That we go numb along the way is to be expected. Even the bravest among us who give their lives to care for others, go numb with fatigue when the heart can take in no more, when we need time to digest all we meet. Overloaded and overwhelmed, we start to pull back from the world, so we can internalize what the world keeps giving us. Perhaps the noblest private act is the unheralded effort to return: to open our hearts once they have closed, to open our souls once they have shied away, to soften our minds once...