One Is the Loneliest Number...
Here is a post I found on the Faces and Voices of Recovery Facebook group site. Does loneliness cause you to use or want to use? Then Paul's story is for you.
Addiction is one of the loneliest disorders.
From the outside, I seemed to be the opposite of lonely. I was an extrovert with high social skills, lots of good-time buddies and was the life of many parties. I can even remember my wife being jealous of how easily I made friends.
But in reality, I was a fake. I was a masterful actor who never came off the stage because I feared the real me was not enough. I created the fake Paul because I could not handle any more rejection or humiliation, which began in my childhood environment. I created the fake Paul to hide the shame of being a highly sensitive person (HSP). I created the fake Paul because I felt unwanted and alone.
"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty." ~ Mother Teresa
...I turned to substances because I felt alone, but I felt alone because I couldn't stop using. I called my dilemma the revolving door of loneliness, and it became so bad that I attempted to take my life twice....
It was not until I began to work with a wise psychologist named Nayyar in 2011 that I discovered, most of my loneliness was a result of unhealed trauma. Nayyar had extensive experience working with childhood trauma but also an extensive background in eastern spiritual practices, which was my passion for over a decade at that time. It would take two years of one on one counselling to finally heal and forgive. Thank God, I dared to seek outside professional help.
"At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self." ~ Brendan Behan
My loneliness began to exit completely once I started doing the painful work of spiritual awakening at a much deeper level. By peeling away the layers of what I am NOT (the Mistaken Identity) allowed me to investigate and discover the innate truth of who I was.... Free at last.
"We have to let go of the person we thought we were so that we can become the person we were destined to be."
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