I Was a Fool to Fool Others

No one knew when I was drinking. I chose vodka because it didn't have much of an alcohol smell. I drank just enough to feel good, but not so much that I was slurring, staggering, or slow-footed -- the three S's of detection. My wife could tell if I drank, she claimed, by the flickering of my eye. I knew she was making that up. I got away with it, and no one, including her, was any wiser.

I couldn't have been more wrong or more stupid. As time went on, I learned people could smell vodka on my breath and perspiring through my pores. When I drank, I didn't feel myself slurring, staggering, or slow, but others did. And my eye looked fine, thank you very much. No one knew I was drinking. It was my secret.

According to the Big Book on page 292, "It's surprising, how we think we fool everyone in our drinking."

I now realize that if I started to drink again, I would get caught. I would be embarrassed. I would feel ashamed.

I can't fool myself and I can't fool others. There is no sense in trying.