Alcohol Was at the Controls, Not Me and Not God

I am re-re-re-reading the personal narratives in the A.A. Big Book. I always find new good stuff, depending on what road to recovery I happen to be traveling. These stories are my GPS on that road, and I want to blog about some passages I find particularly relevant.

I start with the introduction to Part II, "They Stopped in Time," on page 279 (It's unnumbered.) This part seems to apply to me. How about you?:

"Among today's incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might. (Yeah, me too!)

"Most of these unfortunates have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, with asylums, and jails. (Well, not with delirium.) Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes....

"They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking.... Complete ruin would only be a question of time."

"Control" was a key for me. I told myself I was in control of my drinking, but when I regained consciousness from a drunken spell, it occurred to me my life was out of control. That realization lasted just as long as my next impulse to buy another vodka.

Ironically, I lost control of drinking in an attempt to gain control of my life. Now that I'm sober and reflect back on those days, I realize how stupid that was. Nowadays, I'm in control of my life, but only by relinquishing control to God's will.

After all, that is really the secret: control what I can control, and turn the rest over to God.