Dark Places of the Mind

A 10-year-old boy in Louisville committed suicide last week. Apparently he couldn't stand the bullying and saw no other escape.

Many with substance abuse problems feel the same way. Alcohol and drugs bully them to the point where they no longer can stand the misery.

This was posted to Facebook:

The Alcoholic Next Door shared a post.

Yesterday at 7:35 AM · 

I'll never forget the first time I actually thought about killing myself. That is a really dark place to be. Alcohol and drugs are powerful and they can really take your mind and body to places you never imagined. I remember feeling really trapped. I didn't want to stop drinking but everything in my life was telling me I needed help. I couldn't process what to do and I'll never forget that thought coming through my head of... maybe it would just be easier if I killed myself. Man that's messed up. It's in these moments when you realize how powerful the mind is. It's scary.

I used to judge people that killed themselves as the most selfish weaklings ever. After everything I went through and to have those same thoughts crossed my mind I came to understand where those people were at. When you are struggling with something as powerful as addiction it can distort your reality. It can make you want to give up. The other issue is that if you are dealing with mental illness and are also in a drunk or high state you are not thinking clear so these thoughts become even more powerful. Your guard is down so these thoughts become rational. I'm in all of this pain and suffering so why not just turn off the lights and make it all go away.

I'm grateful that my thoughts were merely fleeting but it gave me a new perspective on the issues that others deal with. Frankly, I can say that about my entire journey through alcoholism. I have such a different view on life now and the struggles that people go through because I've been to some of the same dark places. I've had my mind go crazy and had to deal with crippling anxiety, fear, etc. I feel so bad for the families who have lost loved ones to this disease. It could have been my family that had to suffer that loss which is why I never take a day for granted. I'm truly lucky to just be alive still.