Will Amends Open Old Wounds Or Patch Them?
I asked for my sponsor's help. I confessed I never worked Steps 8 and 9. It's about time I finally do. He and are meeting Monday after A.A.
Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
I am afraid to do that. I can list people I have harmed, I think. But how do I go to these people and scoop old garbage out of the can? This is where I need my sponsor's guidance. Not just guidance, but a strong shove. I asked God to remove my shortcomings back in Step 7. Cleaning off the noses I bloodied makes Step 9 harder than that.
Also, what are amends? The Big Book talks of them. But how do I pay back people like my wife? It isn't just forgiveness I need to seek. But how do I do penance for all the anxiety I put her through?
Still, I need to do it somehow, Today's A.A, Daily Reflections explains why:
"Step Nine restores in me a feeling of belonging, not only to the human race but also to the everyday world. First, the step makes me leave the safety of A.A., so that I may deal with non-A.A. people 'out there,' on their terms, not mine. It is a frightening but necessary action if I am going to get back into life. Second, Step Nine allows me to remove threats to my sobriety by letting me clear away past wreckage, lest it bring me down. -- A.A. Reflections, September 6 (https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily-reflection)
Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.I am afraid to do that. I can list people I have harmed, I think. But how do I go to these people and scoop old garbage out of the can? This is where I need my sponsor's guidance. Not just guidance, but a strong shove. I asked God to remove my shortcomings back in Step 7. Cleaning off the noses I bloodied makes Step 9 harder than that.
Also, what are amends? The Big Book talks of them. But how do I pay back people like my wife? It isn't just forgiveness I need to seek. But how do I do penance for all the anxiety I put her through?
Still, I need to do it somehow, Today's A.A, Daily Reflections explains why:
"Step Nine restores in me a feeling of belonging, not only to the human race but also to the everyday world. First, the step makes me leave the safety of A.A., so that I may deal with non-A.A. people 'out there,' on their terms, not mine. It is a frightening but necessary action if I am going to get back into life. Second, Step Nine allows me to remove threats to my sobriety by letting me clear away past wreckage, lest it bring me down. -- A.A. Reflections, September 6 (https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily-reflection)
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